I already had taken a dose of my Gabapentin about 200 mg of it because what I do is just to buy a 600 mg tablet and that I make my mother to divide three ways.
I would like a four-way split because I just want a hint of its therapeutic effect in my body without really affecting my overall brain function as that medicine really makes you so relaxed and euphoric that you would like to sleep all the time.
I could not afford to sleep all the time because I am using my time in being productive because I do not feel that I don't have much time left and so I am using most of it to really push myself to achieve things that I can use to give me hope for a far better situation and that will only happen if I would continue to persevere but of course God has the last say if my plans would succeed or not.
Anyway I think that most of the Caffeine got washed away by the dialysis session. I am also feeling the cramps in my hands and feet and even in my stomach area and it is just an evidence of a good dialysis even though I feel that I needed more cleaning action.
Thankfully I was able to use a new dialyzer today and that helped me with my already toxic body this afternoon after my dialysis machine broke and I have to wait for more than four hours to have it to function as it should. From that point on I was contemplating that I am really on the lowest point of my life because I am just relying on people that holds the reigns over my life.
I also had felt sad when learning that I am making my parents have a hard time when they would also have to wait for my dialysis to compete and that it does eat their time and effort and they do not deserve that at all, they aren't even obligated to lift a finger to help me and yet they are always there and would offer support in any way, shape, and form.
So I am really lucky to have my parents still around with me. But I feel that time had stopped for me because I am stuck in this kind of situation where it is just a survival mode until my final demise. But I am not losing hope and still getting my sights up high and who knows I might hit the jackpot that I was aiming to achieve all my life.
