Steemit Engagement Challenge WOX S6W6: "My Photo Diary "5 photos of memorable events in 2022"

This is my photo diary - 5 photo of memorable events in 2022 for the challenge WOX S6W6

I haven't been posting much lately in SteemIt. I had a very dynamic but hard 6 months behind me & still didn't completely got out from the mood, still feeling the consequences of the relationship with a woman that I really loved so much that I have lost myself in the process, putting myself on lower place than 1st. Seems like I was living some other people life forgetting about myself & my dreams, postponing happiness for the future, living the illusion given to me from my love one in false promises & hopes that never came true... It's not anymore so painful cause now I'm again working on myself, my life & trying to live my dreams but it is hard to rise from the bottom, the mud & fly consciously with the angels in Heaven. Nevertheless, I'll try to choose & to remember the nice moments in which I was really feeling that it was not the illusion but the real love life that I was wishing, fantasizing & trying to materialize for myself.

This shot I made with Nikon F-401s & Nikon AF Nikkor 35-70 mm lens on Ilford HP5+ 400 or maybe PAN 400 black & white film.

Oli is her nickname & I really like to call her that way. It was 3rd of July when we celebrated her birthday. The little girl on the photo is her daughter Frieda but I always felt & accepted her as my own. That day we woke up easily in the small house that I was renting for the summer season. In the other bigger house were our guests who were suppose to leave at 10:00 h. After that we cleaned the house & prepared it for the next guests who were coming late in the evening. We had a lot of free time in the afternoon so we went to a special place - a wild beach where we spent hours naked on the Sun, swimming & enjoying our time. For the dinner I decided to take my favorite girls to a restaurant as a surprise cause the birthday is definitely a special occasion to treat ourselves... There we nicely ate full dinner with dessert & enjoyed another few hours. We went home in the early evening cause the little girl needed to go to sleep, as all children do. While I was driving us home, my dearest Oli told me: "I again didn't celebrate my birthday." That comment was like a knife piercing my heart. (Her idea of celebration was something completely different than what I prepared for her.)

This shot also I made with the same camera & lens & film like the 1st one.

Few days after Oli's birthday we had another agreement - to go together to a special drugs & alcohol free festival called "Ninja Gathering". The plan was to go by Oli's van & return together due to mine business obligations - the guest change in the house I was managing. Just on the day when we supposed to start the journey to the festival, when I came back home from my other job, Oli asked me if we can drive there separately by 2 cars so that she can stay longer if she liked the place & the people. In other words, she was trying to change our agreement in the last moment & it was pretty shocking for me & again made me feel like the last worthless piece of shit for her. Like nobody. Like she was saying: "Fuck our plans & fuck your work! I'm not gonna stick to my words & I will not help you like I already promised!" We agreed to go together to the festival & come back together in time to make the house ready for the next guests. I needed to tell you this story even thou this photo shows something completely different & it is one of the best I've ever made. It was in the van on the road towards the festival, just a moment after Frieda woke up & asked for mummy. It is one of the most incredibly sweet & innocent moments showing the love connection between the mother & the child.

This one I made with Nikon D800 & I used the same lens - Nikon AF Nikkor 35-70 mm with f/3.3, 30 s & ISO-800.

She still was not my girlfriend at the time I made this photo. She was constantly refusing & ignoring me, just playing with me but my heart was full of love for her. I was convincing myself that sooner or later she will be my girlfriend & I was also ignoring both what was she telling me & how she was treating me. The love in my heart gave me the special self-confidence & I was ready to wait forever for her positive response. Because I'm usually very inspired artist & almost constantly creating, when my heart is full of love, I'm even more than usually expressing my love for the love one. It is hard to explain it with words but it's easier to say that I would probably do anything for that girl & this small artwork was just a small thing to do. But she liked it a lot! It was really one of the epic moments inside of me that came out so big!

This one I made also with Nikon D800 & Nikon AF Nikkor 35-70 mm lens with f/4.5, 1/80 s & ISO-800.

It was a moment before the next separation cause that's how we lived for several months. In spring 2022 I was pretty sure that Oli accepted one my offers to come to live in Croatia for the whole summer but later on she claimed that she never ever said that. I'm still convinced what I've heard were the words of confirmation from her mouth. (But maybe I'm wrong.) We had many moments of saying goodbye or see-you-soon & every next one was more & more painful for me. Before their long return home, I again took them to a special restaurant & before we got the food we were playing a lot with Frieda & I made a lot of amazing shots. This new family of mine where the endless inspiration for me both in good & bad times. (I preferred the good ones, of course.)

Again same camera & lens with f/3.3, 1/250 s & ISO-100.

This is the most epic photo of Oli I've made in our 1,5 years of knowing each other. It was also made on a very special place in a very special moment! It was in August, when I gave her my full trust again & when we again start making love. It was on my favorite island Cres, in my favorite forest Tramontana, after we went down the hill following the animal paths to reach some wild beaches. The path was difficult so the swimming was even a sweeter prize along with the figs that were waiting for us there on the bottom of the downhill. It was a rare moment when we managed to do something together & to enjoy it both a lot.

As you can see, in the choice of my 5 best photos that they are all following a love story of my life that made such a deep impact on my life that everything else what was happening to me, it's much less important & laying in the shadow of my love story. This love story was not so nice for me. On the contrary, it was very painful for me. It's good to have some photos to remind me of the nice moments cause my mind momentarily can remember almost only the pain cause I've been hurt so many times that I can't even remember them all either. The love kept me going, kept me believing in better future but this time I was wrong cause better never came, just repeating of the same low vibes. Maybe or definitely I was doing something wrong but still I am a witness of me trying to be the best & on these photos here you can see only the satisfied smiles on Oli's & Frieda's faces. One friend of mine told me once that if your love ones keep on smiling, you must be doing some good things. I have nothing to resent myself cause I know I gave my life away to make the relationship work out good for us & to make the girls happy but I forgot to make myself happy counting that they will have understanding, respect, gratitude & love to make me feel good. But it was not the case.

I really enjoyed participating in this contest & I hope I did everything correctly following the rules.

Feel free to ask me any questions or comment my relationship. I would gladly answer anything that you're interested in the story & also like to hear any advices how to continue my life & what to do next...

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