Overcoming: We Need not Be so Fearful of Failure!

Are you afraid of failing?

A lot of people are literally terrified of failure. Whether it's the result of having been raised by perfectionist parents or having had dictatorial work bosses who fired people at the drop of hat... many of us were trained to fear failure.

And I'm certainly not going to exempt myself from that equation... being one of those who grew up under the expectation of "perfection."

But I gradually "untrained" myself from that particular burden.

Don't get me wrong, failure can feel quite painful. But it helps to understand that it's typically not the actual failure that hurts, so much as the judgments and potential shaming placed upon us by others; particularly when those "others" are close to us, or maybe even someone we love and look up to.

We will do almost anything to not risk disappointing them.

The real culprit here tends to be shame.

Many years ago, I read about a study that had revealed that that when we are shamed by someone, it lights up the pathways in our brain in patterns that are virtually identical to the patterns that light up when humans are subjected to excruciating physical torture.

Think about that, for a moment.

Then think about why we might fear failure, if we associate failing with being shamed! Of all the things we can feel, shame is the most likely to be connected to PTSD in a similar way to someone who has endured a physical trauma.

It takes time to learn and truly feel that most failures are actually not our fault. This understanding that failing is often not our fault is what helped lead me "out of the woods," where I associated failing with being shamed... and hence would avoid failure at all costs.

Something the best thing is actually to let things fail, when they are not going well.

Life is hard enough without our choosing to pick up additional burdens that are not ours to carry! This is particularly true in the psychology of things.

I'll be the first to admit that it took me many years... but I gradually learned that failing at something is often a great opportunity to learn something and change your approach to whatever you're doing in such a way you get a better outcome!

Of course, my parents — who were the sources of the original shaming — are long gone, so I also know that they are not going to reach out from the grave.

I have forgiven them, of course, they did the best they could... with what they knew, and they came from an older generation that often believed in the slightly twisted idea that "The beatings will continue until morale improves!"

And no, I was not beaten... physically. Only psychologically.

Anyway, if you're someone who experiences (often debilitating) fear of failure... pause to consider why such fear? Where does the fear come from? Is it an old fear... and if so, is it even relevant, anymore?

Chances are it isn't...

Don't misunderstand, I have no desire to fail at things I undertake! But I don't fear the possibility of failure, anymore.

The important thing about that is that when we have less fear of failure, we become more open to trying more and new things, because we can see them more as an exciting experience, rather than a possible point of failure.

And that's definitely a good thing!

Thanks for stopping by, and have a great Friday!

How about you? Do you have a fear of failure? If yes, what do you think has given rise to it? Leave a comment if you feel so inclined — share your experiences — be part of the conversation!

(All text and images by the author, unless otherwise credited. This is ORIGINAL CONTENT, created expressly for this platform — Not posted elsewhere!)

Created at 2024.04.19 00:27 PDT
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