Spices Paradise: Lahore's Treasure, a heaven for desi kitcheneers. You name it: they have it!
Just like a pinch of black pepper can add an unexpected zing to a meal, that rumor she shared at the party last night added an unexpected twist to the conversation.
The title of this blog is self explanatory but I didn't come up with this name all by myself. I took inspiration from the name of this podcast . (Disclaimer: I have not listened to its contents at all-Neither am I endorsing any of its ideas!)
Returning to our topic, I'm quite certain that anyone reading this has encountered the impact of spicy gossip, either as a victim or, to some extent, as a participant in this habit. It's worth noting that individuals, particularly the fairer sex, may be more inclined toward this tendency. As women, we occasionally find ourselves, in moments of disdain, pushing the boundaries of propriety. However, the opposite sex can't be absolved of blame either.
What could be the factors for giving in to this nasty trait??? Well, as the title suggests, it is a form of entertainment, albeit an ugly one. It often arises from having too much free time on our hands — those moments when we have nothing better to do. What do we do now? Let's gossip. We don't like someone; let's gossip. If he or she is thriving and being praised — Ouch! Let's, well you know what... Sometimes, it also takes the form of direct or indirect leg-pulling and bullying. But one thing is for sure, it stems from our own insecurities. Jealousy stands out as one of the main driving factors, although there may be other reasons I missed. Those with pure intentions are less likely to engage in this maligning practice.
What I want to underscore here are the devastating effects of this nasty nasty habit (not a typo- I used the word nasty twice. Imagine it being used 100 times). I'm not going to share any of my personal experiences, as many of you may have gone through similar situations in your schools, colleges, workplaces, or even online communities and social media. Everything I have said so far is merely a prelude to my main presentation.
Speaking of the impact of harmful behaviors, there is this novel titled "Anne of Green Gables," written by Lucy Maud Montgomery, which inspired the drama series "Anne with an E" on Netflix. This is my third time watching it. I initially watched it on my own, and later with my daughters. Now, it's my poor husband's turn. We were watching it last night, and in a particular episode, the theme of gossip takes center stage.
While watching the story with the least interest, he kept asking, 'Why would she, the main character Anne, tell others' stories?' 'What's her problem?' 'Why can't she just keep it to herself for once?' This series is quite outside his usual interests. So, I explained to him that this is a crucial element they are trying to convey—that Anne inadvertently makes this mistake. However, her teacher promptly recognizes it and asks her to write about the perils of gossip as a form of reprimand. Later, she finds herself at a crossroads, uncertain about whether or not she should inform her teacher about her friend who has been absent from school due to bullying. My husband was adamant, saying, 'No, she shouldn't; it's not her place.' For him, it was still gossip! (I couldn't agree with him on this, of course)
So, YES, he has been my moral compass for most of my life. I am often tempted to gossip about a person who I think has wronged me, and I would go to him, whining about one thing or another but he wouldn't give in to my temptations and always encourages me to seek an unbiased view. In these moments, I may feel frustrated, but it has always benefitted me in the long run. He has his flaws (not always agreeing with me 😉) but I admire him so much for this quality.
THE MAIN AGENDA
I have jotted down my scattered thoughts on this topic to invite all of you to share the detrimental effects of this tittle-tattle and backbiting, which often leads to hurtful slandering. Whatever the reasons for this gossip mongering attitude may be, the havoc it wreaks in someone's life is irreparable, as evident from the spice analogy at the beginning. I have used this metaphor to ensure it remains vivid in your memory. The more spices added, the more colorful the gossip, and the more entertaining the spectacle. Keep adding red chilies, black peppers, and any other condiments you find in your pantry of malicious thoughts, and enjoy the drama! The harm caused by such idle chatter can leave lasting scars on a person's reputation, mental well-being, and the trust they share with others.
I will list a few of the consequences in bold here, so the next time we are tempted, we may remember this... It's just a reminder. Many of us already know most, if not all, of the adverse effects. They not only affect an individual but also disrupt the balance of the whole community. My list is incomplete. I have left room for your input and personal experiences in the comments. Please do share your thoughts on this topic so that we can have a fruitful debate on this matter.
I am going to conclude this topic, or perhaps open it for discussion, with the resolution that the only place for these spices is the cabinetry in my kitchen. 😀
Please do come to the comments section and share your thoughts on this societal dilemma!
Gossip is really an evil quality. Yes, I too use the evil word deliberately, although I certainly cannot absolve myself of ever having engaged in gossip. Fortunately, that has been kept to a minimum in the course of my life experience. Haha, that makes you lonely in certain circles then.... Feels better though! Especially when you know how nasty such gossip can hurt someone (even if you yourself think "that" would have been quite harmless now).
The problem of gossip, of bullying, has always existed (the comparison with Anne, written in a completely different time, is consequently well suited to prove this thesis), as is the power of the media, which can multiply the whole dilemma fast. The power of "social" media is new. As a teacher, I had to mediate almost daily because someone had posted something about someone in a WhatsApp group that I knew nothing about. Not infrequently, parental talks were necessary, even calling in psychologists, to get a child - indeed mostly girls who were victimised by girls - to at least leave the house again and come back to school at some point... Evil!
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That's true. We never know when even seemingly fun gossip can turn into a baseless rumor. And I'm also not entirely absolved of this habit either. As I mentioned in my blog, the temptation to engage in gossip and paint someone in a negative light is often there, especially when underlying emotions are involved. But we need to have a reality check now and then.
As a mom of a teenage daughter, I'm sometimes at my wits' end when something like this happens. We can't control how people behave but we can educate our children and discourage this behavior. My Children can talk to me about their feelings and even their hatred for someone, but I always discourage them from engaging in any tittle-tattle and backbiting with their peers
Below is a dialogue of our Prophet with his companions about this:
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said:
'Do you know what is backbiting?' The Companions said: 'Allah and His Messenger know best.' He said: 'Backbiting is talking about your brother in a manner which he dislikes.' It was said to him: 'What if my brother is as I say.' He said: 'If he is as you say, you have backbitten him, and if not, you have slandered him.'" (Sahih Muslim)
This is the gravity of this transgression that even if the contents of gossip have truth in them, it's still highly disliked. And we don't shy from adding even more spices to it.
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The quote from your prophet is a very wise statement from a very great philosopher!
There are similar parables in our Bible, and in Buddism in particular, the high art of constant balance in all thoughts and actions is a sign of imminent enlightenment.
Only a few are and were enlightened on this earth. Prophets... So the "ordinary" human being has a lot to do, but can and should at least make an effort...
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Yes, it's the effort that counts. To err is but human. Maintaining equilibrium and mindfulness is a key aspect of spiritual growth and a sign that someone is on the right path. And almost every 'belief system' out there preaches the same thing.
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Yes, gossip is a social evil unless it is harmless and light-hearted in certainty. On most occasions, it turns out to be harmful.
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Yes, Rekha
but the problem is that it seldom remains harmless. It often turns into a rumor eventually. This is the nature of human behavior. We tend to inject our opinions into such situations.
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