How to know An African Mother

My years of growing up was adventure and I don't know about because I learnt from the best and I am a proud son of the soil.
(1)when you say mummy I am sorry and she replies, sorry for yourself.
(2)when you ask her,where I can drop this thing and she says,drop it on my head.
(3)when she brings food wrapped in a nylon bag from a party.
(4)when you tell her mummy I have a fever and she will reply you,why won't have fever when you press phone every night.
(5)when you tell her, mummy I took 2nd in the class and she replies,"so the person that came 1st has two heads abi?
(6)when she takes the DSTV remote to work just go punish you.
(7)when you are seeing a movie with her and she falls asleep but she still insist that the channel should not be changed.
(8)when you tell her you are going to a friend's place to play and she asked,when last did that your friend come here to play with you.
(9)when she ask you if the food she serves you is okay and you respond no,she says come and eat me na
(10)when she tells you,If I hear peem,you will hear ween.
(11)when she touches hot pot comfortably without kitchen rage.
(12)when she tells you,I didn't kill my mother,so you will not kill me.
(13)when she calls you from your room upstairs and then send you back upstairs to bring her purse.
This one tear me apart,when you ask her of the money borrow her and she tells you,all the food you have been eating in this house nko?which money did you think was used in buying them?
Africa beauty and I am proud of all the mothers all over the world but an African is always an African woman,one Love to you Mom.