"Are Dowries Dehumanizing?”

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Dowries are the material things or money a man or woman pays to marry a wife or husband (in the culture of those who do this). As mentioned above, dowries could be material items or money.

The concept of dowries was to strengthen the bond of marriage and to make the one who is paying the dowries know the worth of the person (woman) he is going marry that she is not a cheap woman. In other words, dowries acted as a link that connected both families.

In those days, there were just a few items and the marriage would be conjugated. Items such as:

• Assorted soft drinks e.g soft drinks, palm wine, local gins.

• Wines and spirits

• A live goat

• Fish

• Wrappers and other properties

• cola-nuts/snuff

• Tubers of yam

• Money

But these days, you see people including

• Building or renovation of the bride's family house building

• Generator

• Television

• Motor bike/car

• Heavy amount of money

• And other exorbitant extortions

_{A screenshot of my traditional marriage}

No, dowries should not be called a social evil because the payment of dowries from the beginning wasn't like that the behaviour of our people, changed. Imagine a man who is asked to build or renovate the family compound of the would-be wife before he can marry her as part of the marriage list. I mean, who does that? Or is it about the marriage list that includes items for street youths and items for dead grandparents as part of dowries? It's truly annoying the way my people make dowries look.

Most families feel giving their daughters hands out in marriage is an avenue for them to be rich. I remember my father who wanted 1.5 million naira for my bride price. My kinsmen wanted 100 litres of palm wine, for what? Are they going to bath with it? The question I asked them.

My husband was told to go and come back after my kinsmen drank all the drinks he brought for my consultation. In their opinion, they wanted to punish him. For what? I got furious and went out to confront them.

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I am not against the collection of dowries, but I'm simply against the new addition some families, villages and tribes have added to the dowries.

The practice of dowries should be continued. It shouldn't be talk of war for the would-be husband who wants to marry. Let dowries be minimal, the family should also be considerate, knowing that their children are not meant to be sold off to the husband.

For our own daughter, my husband and I have already agreed that we won't make it difficult for anyone who'll marry her. For us parents, we won't take anything. And the kinsmen won't have a say, but their rights will be duly given to them.

Being considerate in the payment of dowries makes it possible for our youths to get married and settle down early in life and start their own families. If the generation of our parents has failed, let our own generation be kind, considerate and modelled. Not the greedy and glutinous generation.

I'm inviting @realitytrend, @impersonal and @hudamalik20