Hello, friends! When people came to know about Atul Subhash's shocking case, it caused quite an uproar on social media. Perhaps for the first time in India, Men's Issues became a topic for mainstream discussion.
People started talking about how our country's unfair legal system, judicial system, and corrupt government system are used as weapons to harass men.
News People Common Words
"Atul Subhash"
"Atul Subhash Case"
"Men don't get justice."
"The root of this issue
is IPC Section 498A.
But this isn't a stand-alone case. In reality, this issue runs much deeper. But there isn't a lot of serious mainstream discussion. Most of the discourse on this issue is based on marital relationships. Section 498A is often discussed.
This section talks about domestic violence. This section is frequently used as a trap in divorce cases. The situation is so bad that 2 years ago, the Supreme Court expressed concerns regarding the misuse of Sec 498A.
The Court stated that the objective of this section was to prevent the cruelty on women by their husbands. It noted that there was an increasing tendency where wives were using it to settle personal scores against their husbands and his relatives. Some people made associations to help such suffering husbands. There were protests too.
People Protest
"These men here are
worshipping the tree
to cancel their wives' prayers when
they asked to be married for 7 lifetimes."
According to Indian Minds
These happened before Atul Subhash's case. Apart from this, boyfriend-girlfriend relationships are discussed how the poor guy suffers because of his girlfriend's tantrums. The girl suddenly stops talking without telling him why and he has to keep guessing. Or the pressure on boyfriends to "create moments." Comedians often talk about this.
Comeddy
"This one time we were sitting
together, and she was like, 'Oi,
create a moment.'"
"I asked her how can I create
a moment when I'm driving."
"She said that's the problem."
"I wasn't talking to her while driving."
"And because I wasn't saying anything,
she won't remember the drive later."
"So I hit a pole."
😜🤣
Apart from man-woman relationships, some videos express the dilemma of how if the man is soft-hearted, he's told he isn't manly enough. And if he isn't expressive enough, he's told he has no feelings.
The paradox here is because patriarchal mindset and progressive mindset coexist in our society. If a man doesn't want his wife to go out and work, progressive people criticise him saying that he's being insecure and controlling. But if someone's wife contributes to the family income and earns more than her husband, patriarchal people taunt the man and his manhood. No one can please both the progressive people and the patriarchal people at once. That's why the better option is to have a progressive mindset. But my point here is that the discussion on men's issues, things that most people on social media are talking about, is only at a superficial level. It's quite easy for this discussion to become misogynistic. You'd find people claiming that all girls are the same, how troublesome it is to have a girlfriend, and asking you to stay away from the problem known as marriage. There's another extreme at the other end where women claim that all men are the same and that women should stay away from men. Amidst these extremes, the serious discussion on men's issues is easily overlooked.
So before I start the details, I would like to tell you that due to some university searches and data, there may be plagiarism in my article because I cannot change the research or history of the university or any research institution.
In itself, this ideology isn't anti-men. That's why all over the world, men like Barrack Obama, Chris Hemsworth, Farhan Akhtar, and many more male celebrities call themselves feminists. One of the obvious logical reasons for men being feminists is that they want a better world for the women in their lives including their mothers, wives, and daughters. They aim for fairness. But the second reason wasn't very obvious. Men have been victims of patriarchy too.
In which I will talk about Kamla Bhasin's Ted Ex talk.Patriarchy Dehumanises Men.How patriarchy has led to emotional castration among men.
Words by Kamla Bhasin's
"Patriarchy has made you unidimensional."
"By God, you know nothing except how to earn money." "No sewing, embroidery, knitting, making snacks, cooking, not even raising kids, the only thing you know is how to be a machine to earn money."
Similar to how talking about women's issues isn't an attack on men, talking about men's issues isn't against women. And then there are some men's issues discussions on which hasn't even begun.
Such as Paternity Fraud.
Where a woman cheats on her husband, and he isn't the biological father of her child. But he believes that he is. Societal attitude is very problematic when it comes to this. A society that upholds toxic masculinity mocks the man saying that he couldn't even "control" his wife. Secondly, the legal complications of this do not favour the men. There's the related issue of child custody too. If a couple divorces, who gets custody of the child?
Read This Article
An RTI to the Thane Family Court revealed that of the 83 child custody matters, in only 2 cases did the father get custody. This RTI was filed by a husband who hadn't even seen his 5-year-old son for the last 2 years. Forget about getting child custody, many men aren't even allowed to see their children for years. They need to apply every time they want to meet their children. A businessman based in Bandra said that despite having an Access Order, he can't meet his child.
Then there's men's rape.
Female rape victims face a lot of stigma in society. Saying that she's lost all respectability. People call her impure. But if a man is raped by another man, he has to face a different kind of stigma. It's said that he isn't a man anymore. During war, men's rape is like a dark secret.
At times some of these stories seep through the cracks. In jail, men are raped by fellow criminals.
This happens in our society too, but it is heavily under-reported. From America to India, it's quite common to make jokes about men being raped in mass media.
From stand-up comedies to casual conversations. Male rape is trivialised. Generally, people use it when trying to insult someone. In such circumstances, think about the non-existent recovery measures for male rape survivors. What does the law have to say about this? Friends, you'd remember that the Supreme Court has partially struck down Section 377, after which homosexuality was decriminalised a few years ago. Same-sex relations between consenting adults are legally allowed. But this was the section which talked about Forced Sodomy too. It dealt with men's rape. On 14th June, Uttar Pradesh police arrested 4 people for an alleged gang-rape of a 23-year-old man. After this, the victim committed suicide. Police arrested these 4 people under section 377. But now, in the new Bharatiya Nyaya Sanhita, there are no provisions for men's and transgender person's rape. You heard it right. Ever since the Modi government replaced IPC with BNS, men's rape has stopped being a crime in our country. What do you have to say to this? "Modi makes it possible."
The second major issue is Male Depression.As a boy grows up, an important aspect of being human is taken away from him. His softness. All soft toys, dolls, fairytales, some colours are permanently taken away from his colour box, like the colours pink and magenta. His geometry box, his clothes, the walls of his room, cannot be pink. And why not? Because it's a girly colour. Girls are soft, and boys should be kept away from softness. Boys are told to be tough. Boys are conditioned to like violent films, action films, gangster films, boxing films, and things like WWE. While girls are supposed to like lovey-dovey romantic films and emotional TV serials. You might not think that this matters, it's only about their preferences. This doesn't hurt boys. But this isn't the only softness taken away from men. Even tears are taken away from boys. Because crying is a sign of softness. Boys claim that they can do anything for their friends, but they always hesitate to share their problems with their friends.
In 2020 a study was conducted in the UK on 260 participants. It found that in female friendships, intimacy was a major characteristic. While in male friendships, engaging in social activities is a major feature. That's why female friendships are more fragile. They fall apart more easily. If women can't meet their friends for a long time, they haven't talked, they feel like they aren't close anymore. And without this intimacy, the friendship falls apart. But it's completely different for men. Even if men don't talk to their friends for months or years, they would still consider each other good friends.
This study was conducted in 2022 on 153 participants
This showed that for boys friendship means having fun together, while girls want intimacy and support. This has been seen repeatedly across numerous studies. This 1988 study concluded that women want to talk in friendships. They want to share their problems. And men just want to engage in common activities. Playing a sport together, getting together to have a drink, or going to watch movies together.
The question we need to ask is why are men like this? Why don't they share personal problems with their friends? The reason is the same internal fear, that they might be considered to be 'soft.' If he cries in front of his friends, he might be made fun of, for crying 'like a girl.' Their manliness would be questioned. That's why they continue suffering alone. And this prolonged suffocation turns into depression and oftentimes, this ends in suicide.
The data on male suicide rates is very clear. This is a common trend all over the world, that males die by suicide more than females. This is valid across almost every country.
In the UK, the male suicide rate is 15.5 deaths per 100,000. For women, it is 4.9 per 100,000. In Australia, men are thrice as likely to die by suicide than women. This rate is 3.5 times in the US. And it's the same story in India too.
NCRB report states that in 2021, around 165,000 people died by suicide, about 120,000 of them were males and 45,000 females.
WHO data reveals that across the world in 40% of the countries, the male suicide rate is more than 15 per 100,000 men. Whereas, globally, only 1.5% of the countries see such high suicide rates among women. It's not like women don't get depression. In fact, if you look at depression data from most of the countries, the depression diagnosis rates are higher among women.
WHO quoted multiple studies and stated that depression is 50% more common
among women than among men.
But more males die by suicide. The Mental Health Foundation surveyed more than 2,500 people suffering from mental health problems. Of them, 28% of males reported that they did not seek medical help, while this number was at 19% among females. These numbers show that men don't share their feelings with their friends or family, and will hesitate to seek medical help from a psychotherapist too.
Joseph Harper is a therapist. In an article in the Washington Post, he wrote that he has seen women literally drag their sons or husbands into his office. And then he has to struggle with getting these men to open up about their emotional issues. Most of the men have the same answer: "It's not a big deal." They claim that they were forced to go to therapy by the women in their lives and that she is overreacting. Well, talking to the therapist comes later; the truth is, they don't even acknowledge to themselves that they are depressed. They feel the need to prove themselves as a manly man for society, and they are also under the pressure of maintaining their self-image. They tell themselves that they're a man, they can't be depressed; it's a useless concept. Most men don't even recognize the symptoms of depression; they remain in denial mode and keep ignoring it.
The symptoms of depression differ among men and women. Women are often sad and cry more, but men can't appear to be sad in front of others; they can't cry. That's why in such situations, anger and aggressive behavior are seen among men. Many men fall into substance abuse and alcohol abuse. Drinking alcohol relaxes their nerves and helps them sleep better, but actually, alcohol leads to more depression.
This barrier to softness for men affects their career choices too. Some careers are so stigmatized for men that boys wouldn't even consider those careers, fearing society's criticism. Girls have to go through similar problems too. It's said that the hard and tough type careers aren't for women. But fortunately, this situation is changing for women.
In 1988, Surekha Yadav became the first female train driver in India. In 1993, Vasanthakumari became Asia's first female bus driver. In 2000, women's weightlifting was introduced in the Olympics. That year, India's Karnam Malleswari won the bronze medal at the Olympics. In 2006, Harshini Kanhekar became India's first woman firefighter. In 2018, Avani Chaturvedi became the first Indian woman to fly a fighter jet. In November 2021, our Army granted Permanent Commission to 577 women officers serving Short Service Commission. Traditionally, the STEM careers, careers in Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics, were considered to be a taboo for women. But today we have shining examples of Kalpana Chawla and Sunita Williams who went to space. In 2021, Indian mathematician Neena Gupta won the Ramanujan Prize for algebraic geometry. Having a female science or maths teacher in schools isn't rare anymore. Gradually, women are entering the areas which were earlier believed to be male-specific. Women are admired and encouraged to do this. But no one is talking about it from the male perspective. No one is asking why men cannot be nursery school teachers.
It's the same for nursing careers too. When I use the word 'nurse' you'd imagine a female person. You have to specify "male nurse" if talking about a man. In 2021, in America, only 13.3% of the registered nurses were males. And in 2019, in the UK only 11% of the nursing staff was male. 4.9% in Japan, and only 1% in China. In India, around 20% of the nurses are males. Better than other countries, but a significant gender gap nonetheless. The presumed 'softness' of the career isn't the only obstacle for men. Another obstacle is that men need to earn more. And being unemployed is a sin for a man. No one would want to date him or marry him.
Boys
Girls
In 2012, a dating service It's Just Lunch did a study which showed that 66% of males were open to dating an unemployed woman. But when women were asked this, only 25% of women were willing to date an unemployed man. If they weren't willing to date them, marriage is nearly unthinkable.
But what's happening now?This fight for gender equality has turned into a blame game. After Atul Subhash's case, there were countless hateful social media posts. Many men claim that all women are like this. People tweeted seriously that it's better not to get married. All sorts of relationships with women are bad ideas. Urging others to be a single 'chill guy.'
I would like to ask you what your opinion is on this, what are your thoughts?
I am Invite Some steemians Girls/Men's Write Girls/Men's Issues
@m-fdo
@fannyescobar
@katherine012
@wakeupkitty
Use tags #humanissues #girlsissues/ #boysissues
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