I want to talk about something, but not to moan and groan or feel sorry for myself. But how do I do that when I'm frustrated and pissed off at the entirety of the social discourse I am caught up inside, even as I don't want to be, and even as I don't want IT to be, but it still affects me?
Well, guess I won't talk about it right now. Well, maybe a little. I invited my brother and his wife for Christmas and they haven't responded, but a covid test kit showed up in the mail today addressed to my SIL? Was that meant for me?
So, moving on. I think I'll just laugh for now, because what else is there to do?
My brother and his wife are totally caught up in the hysteria. They haven't come into my house in three years. except to pick up their mail, and a couple of hours outside on the deck in summer. He's my only sibling.
Early on, I sent him lots of information, and he basically said I am paranoid, although I doubt he read any of it. His wife is a retired Nurse Practitioner, totally brainwashed into the corporate medical mindset. I just thought maybe they might have figured some things out since, and that it might be good to reconnect. Now I'm thinking another Christmas alone will be better!
I am feeling pretty worn out at the moment. But, I'll get my momentum back to be sure. The holidays are tough for a lot of us. For some reason I'm feeling this time around more than ever. I even had a dream last night, and I can't even remember most of it, except I was with a bunch of people I don't know, in a place I've never been, but I said in my dream, "I'm so lonely". Sometimes we just have to succumb to those feelings, which I generally ignore, and don't even really believe, but on some deep soul level, my inner voice needed to speak. But, hey, we each come into this life alone, and we leave the same way. Just seems so sad, and infuriating, to experience the contrived and controlled divisiveness of today, and I think that is what my dream was actually saying.