My homebirth “Shut up, I know how to f@#king breathe by now”

My home birth-
“Shut up, I know how to f@&king breathe by now”

💜

Having had Braxton Hicks for a few days, on Saturday 15th December, they started to ramp up a bit more. I went to bed but couldn’t sleep, at 11.30pm I was getting contractions every 10 minutes and they were painful. I was already mooing like a cow. So I thought surely this is it!

They varied between 5-10 minutes apart. I waited until around 4am and thought I had better let the community midwives know.

I was exhausted, as I had not slept since having a nap with Bonnie the day before.

I had my Helios Homeopathic Child Birth Kit ready, but wasn’t sure which remedy to take. So during the early hours I consulted the Facebook group @Mary’s homeopathy study group. The advice was to take arnica and Pulsatilla as and when needed. The group of ladies replying and encouraging me to trust my body were amazing.

The first community midwife arrived at around 5am. She had already read my birth plan and was timing contractions, listening to babies heartbeat and reassuring me about my planned homebirth.

It was now Sunday morning (16th Dec) the midwifes shift ended at 9am and another midwife came to take her place. Shortly accompanied by a 2md midwife. Whoop whoo, I thought that if two midwives were present, I must be getting closer to birthing our baby.

Still having the same painful contractions and still mooing like a cow. However they were now even more varied. Between 5-10 minutes then eased to around 20 minutes. I was trying to rest inbetween, Bonnie was breastfeeding and that made the contractions even worse, because of the oxytocin. But I carried on trying to let her feed, I thought it would help take my mind off the pain and move my labour along. Bonnie must have wondered what an earth I was doing, I couldn’t even talk through some of the contractions, I was just closing my eyes, trying to focus on my breathing. After nearly 12 hours of being like this, Bonnie was fantastic and giving me space to get through each contraction. Considering she never lets anyone else do anything for her or is never far from me, she was playing with her big sisters and Daddy, letting them get her dressed, wipe her bum, get her food. It’s like she new EXACTLY what was happening and we kept explaining that the baby in mummy’s tummy is getting ready to be born soon.

The midwife knew exactly what my birth plan wishes were, which included no vaginal examinations (see my previous blog post). However, as it was now around 2pm Sunday and she could see that I was in a lot of pain, she asked if I wanted her to check how far dilated I was and so we could make a plan to what was happening. I remember declining with Bonnie’s birth and then eventually agreeing that is was best to know what was going on for the safety of the baby. So I agreed, and discovered that baby was in the correct position and happy, however I was only 2cm dilated.

I felt deflated knowing that after all that time and in so much pain that I was only 2cm. I know there is no particular formula for dilation and every Birth is different. I knew I just had to let my body do what it needed to do. However having been through labour three times before. I knew these contraction pains were just as intense as they are in established labour. Just as intense, but not as frequent. Back to my child birth kit, as I was getting pains in my back and thighs. So I started taking the remedy Gelsemium and using Clary Sage essential oil on a warm flannel to help ease the pain.

Around 5pm the midwife reported that I wasn’t in established labour yet, and said I was getting very tired. Tom had ordered pizza for us all. I still hadn’t managed to sleep, and only managed to eat one slice a pizza between contractions.

After staying with me for many hours, the MW suggested I should try to rest and if the contractions got closer or my waters broke to to call the community midwives straight back.

The pains continued throughout the evening, throughout the night. Tom had been brilliant trying to help me focus on breathing. However the pain was so unbearable during the night. All I could think was, how dare he sleep and snore while I’m having contractions. His encouraging words of “Breathe, 1234 and blow out 1235456” were met with my reply of “Shut up, I know how to fucking breathe by now” (poor Tom)

He tried easing my pain by rubbing my back, holding my hand. Whatever he thought he could do to help. Again, he was met with me saying “Don’t touch me, leave me alone”.... he said “It’s a bit late now, you should have told me that 20 years ago”. Always a comedian, and yes I did laugh (in my head)

Bonnie slept through me mooing like a cow and having to keep getting on all fours (it was the only way I could feel any comfort from the pain)

I rang the MLU in the morning, as I had lost the mucus plug and also had a bloody show. I spoke to a midwife named @ Rosie, but by my description, she wasn’t sure if my waters had started leaking.
So they suggested a midwife came out to check me over.

I was so worried that I was being a nuisance to them, and like “Peter and the Wolf”....however Rosie reassured me that it was not a problem for someone to come out. I decided to wait and said I would call back if I thought it was my waters that were leaking or if anything changed.

Still no sleep, still mooing like a cow and still having intense contractions between 5-10 minutes apart.

Then Monday 17th Dec. My Dad popped over in the morning, he stayed for a little while, and helped the girls with Bonnie. Watching me having contractions, he along with Tom must have felt helpless. I think I had my eyes closed every time my Dad spoke to me. I just couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t even try to focus on Bonnie, which made me feel sad and I did have a little cry now again.

Then at around 3pm on Monday, the pain was the same, just getting much closer together. I knew this was it, that without hesitation I needed the GAS and AIR and I needed it now! This was something that I didn’t include in my birth pain. I wanted to try to just focus on breathing and not be spaced out so I could “experience” the birth I had planned at home. This made me feel sad too, but I really needed the pain relief to get me through the next stage of labour.

I had planned to birth downstairs and had everything ready and set up since Saturday night. But I moved upstairs to try to focus and relax more. So Bonnie didn’t have to put up with me making strange noises. She was quite happy being entertained by her big sister Evany, as I needed Tom with me upstairs AT ALL TIMES. Leah (our 2nd eldest daughter) didn’t want to leave my side either. She was encouraging me to breathe and ensuring I had a cup of tea that only she knows how I like it!

Around 5pm, Lynn the 5th community midwife to attend had arrived. She unpacked everything that the previous midwives had packed away and she could see that the contractions were coming thick and fast. She immediately called for the second midwife to attend.

Rosie arrived around 6.45pm. They were both very calming and talking through my birth plan, suggesting when to empty my bladder and stay hydrated (it’s easy to forget to take a piss when your on so much pain).

The more I used the gas and air, the more I seemed to be able to focus on my breathing. Rosie and Lynn reminded me to just use it through the contractions.

Constantly rotating from sitting, to being on all fours. I was so tired.

8pm(ish) and having been in a long labour now, we decided to agree to another vaginal examination, to check if baby was ok. I could sense the worry on Toms face, reminding him of Bonnie’s birth and finding out I needed an emergency caesarean. I was praying baby hadn’t got stuck or distressed.

Yay, baby was happy (heartbeat was fine, and head engaged) and I had dilated to 7cm. Not long now and baby will be born.

I went for another wee. All of my dignity went out of the window, as I sat with the ensuite door open. Midwives, Tom and Leah in full view (I never ever pee or fart in front of Tom) but at this moment in time I did not care.

Wiped myself, and there was this blood clot. Having done a lot of research and had three babies already, I knew this didn’t seem right. I showed Rosie (lucky girl!) and she looked at Lynn. I could hear them quietly chatting to themselves.

I got back on the bed. On all fours as another contraction came.

I heard ..... “Michelle, we are going to call an ambulance and get you transferred to hospital”

Oh my goodness. I felt panic, emotional, scared and relieved all at the same time. Immediately worrying about leaving Bonnie (the whole reason I wanted a homebirth to begin with)

Rosie was brilliant and was so reassuring. Explaining that they were just ensuring me and the baby were safe, as the blood clots were a concern.

The ambulance men arrived. Tom and Leah grabbed my emergency hospital bag. Which I am glad I had packed, as that would have been another thing to worry about. (See previous blog post)

I told them to tell Evany (our eldest) not to let Bonnie see me going on the ambulance. So kept her entertained in the lounge, singing frozen songs. Poor Evany, she must have been so worried too.

I managed to walk downstairs between contractions to get on the stretcher, clinging to the gas and air for dear life.

There was only space in the ambulance for Rosie the midwife. So Tom and Leah followed in the car. Evany stayed home to look after Bonnie and get her to bed. Nobody has ever took Bonnie to bed apart from me. Evany had made a sleepover camp in the lounge and slept the night in there with her. Bless her heart. What a fantastic big sister.

Blue lights on, I could feel every bump in the road and wasn’t helping the pain I was feeling. But I just wanted to know my baby was safe and I wasn’t going to die! The journey to the hospital seemed forever. The ambulance men were trying to take my mind off of it with their jokes. Along with Rosie reassuring me.

We arrived at hospital around 9.30pm. Met by the midwife team. There was Nya and senior midwife Becky. She immediately reminded me of a lady I used to work with named Tracy. I said “You are just what I need - a strong, straight talking woman to get me through this”

Yes I think the gas and air had gone to my head, and made my tongue loose and spurt out all sorts of things.

No offence to Rosie. She was fantastic, and now I look back, she was like a guardian angel sent to be with me during this birth. She knew exactly what my birth wishes were and relayed it all to the hospital team.

Leah was non stop asking questions, which was fantastic. As I couldn’t talk through the pain, I found out exactly what was happening via Leah asking questions.

On the bed in a sitting position, I asked Tom to hold the gas and air as I just didn’t have the energy. A couple of minutes in, he asked Leah if she wanted to hold it.
I looked at him and said “Why, is your arm aching luv?” I then looked at Becky (senior midwife) who could read my mind....shall I headbutt him or do you want to do it for me. Leah was laughing and so was everyone else.

I was getting so tired. Now I’m not sure if Rosie actually said this to me or it was a telepathic message..... but it was nearing end of her shift and she said “Michelle, I know you wanted a home birth and you are doing fantastic, but we really need to get this baby out soon, as you are both getting tired, and I don’t want this to end up with you having a caesarean. So I think you should try to turn over on all fours as what you wanted in your birth plan and see if you feel the need to start pushing”

I needed to focus more. I needed to use my last bit of energy to get on all fours, the way I felt most comfortable, the way I had researched let gravity help baby down the birth canal.

Then Becky (the strong senior midwife) either said it or telepathically (again I’m not sure, as the G&A has taken over)....”Michelle, I think you need to put the gas and air down now, and let your body push this baby out”

Omg! How am I going to do this without gas and air. The next thing I knew, I could hear Tom and Leah saying “Go on push” “Mum, I can see the baby’s head”

Monday 17th December, at 11.18pm - “Omg we gave a boy, we have a son”, “I’ve got a brother”

Baby was passed straight through my legs, with a very long umbilical cord attached to the placenta. I managed to turn back over with baby in my arms, as I delivered the placenta a few moments later. They had kept placenta attached as I had skin to skin and latched baby on to breastfeed.

Wow. I couldn’t believe we had a son. Nya checked the placenta was in tact, and had stopped pulsating. Then they tied the cord with the umbilical cord tie. They took blood from the placenta to check babies blood group and whether I would need the Anti D injection (as I am rhesus negative) and after researching, I had declined it during pregnancy.

Becky made us all tea and toast. Which was like heaven on a plate to me!

Tom and Leah stayed until baby was weighed (it was now about 1am) they were shattered.

I had lost around a litre of blood, and so they put me on a drip (which again, wasn’t part of my birth plan, but I agreed that it was needed in my situation)

I held baby until I needed to empty my bladder. That’s when there were more huge blood clots. I will never know what caused them, it could have been because I was in a long labour, or my uterus wasn’t contracting enough. We just don’t know. But I do know that was why I was in so much pain since Saturday night.

The drip I was attached to, kept me awake all night. Every time I moved slightly, alarm would go off, and the midwives had to come in to reset it.

As baby fed, contractions of the uterus started, and just when you think all the pain is over. But this time I had my beautiful new baby to focus on and I ignored the pain.

Morning of the 18th came. Baby had slept all night skin to skin in my arms. I kept whispering to him how much I love him, and he had three amazing big sisters and daddy that love him lots.

The midwife said they were waiting for my bloods to come back to check iron levels and baby’s blood group.
They offered me CLEXANE injections to take home, which after asking for the manufacturers insert and researching, decided that I will take a natural alternative (Omega 3 Fish Oil) and undoubtedly be moving about. So would rather not have the injections.

They offered baby vitamin K, which again we declined (see my previous blog post).

I could hear Bonnie running down the corridor, followed by Leah and Tom filming her. She ran in with a massive smile, saying “Mummy, where’s my new brother, his name is Charlie.” Just at that moment there were Carol singers in the corridor singing “The King was born today”

My heart melted and I got quite emotional (I think the midwife did too!) it was like a scene from a film. Very magical indeed.

After lots of cuddles with Bonnie and baby Charlie, the results come back from my bloods. Even though I had lost a litre of blood, they said my iron levels must have been vast before hand, as they were absolutely fine. Yay. Go me!

They offered me the Anti D. Which I know protects future pregnancies. Tom looked at me, as if to say “ Please say this is our last one and you won’t put me through this worry again”

I declined the Anti D. Even though this birth was traumatic, I would have a million babies. But we are blessed to have four healthy, happy children and I couldn’t put him through it again.

We left the hospital at 1pm on Tuesday 18th December and went home for Charlie to meet his other amazing big sister Evany.

The next day the midwife Rosie came to check on baby. She said that all of the community midwives were asking about me and couldn’t believe my homebirth had ended up in hospital.

She asked how I felt about the birth, she knew how the experience can effect new mums. I think she was worried that I felt disappointed.

Actually Rosie, the whole experience from labouring mostly at home, to then being transferred to hospital, and only having gas and air.... was the most EMPOWERING experience ever and I could not have done it without Tom by my side at all times, without Leah asking questions and encouraging me, without Evany being there for Bonnie and without the fantastic team of midwives that had my back the whole time.

Welcome to the world Charlie Carr
Born 17.12.28 at 11.18pm 💙