As a 'rebel', unschooling my kids suits me down to the ground.
It also suited my 17 year old rebel daughter [there is NO doubting she'd fit into the rebel category] who took herself off to school at age 14! She wouldn't do anything she thought you wanted her to do, from a very young age. In fact, she'd do the opposite. One of her first words was an emphatic "SELF!" She was NOT going to do well at school. We saved her and everyone the trauma.
Consequently, because I had to be so subtle in my approach, she thinks I 'taught her nothing'. [I'd contend that I facilitated her to teach herself everything! But to conventional thinking and her thinking that is pure neglect of duty!]
But she ACED her self-imposed GCSEs [UK] last summer with an A* in English, which is very good for anyone, let alone a child who was unable to read for dyslexia until she was 10 at least. Her particular strength in English was story writing. 'Stories from your mouth' were constantly demanded from very young and she generally took over because we 'told it wrong' or at very least she directed the content. Unschooling families live, sleep and breath English in English speaking countries at least.
She also ACED maths despite never having a maths 'lesson' [but she surely got a TON of maths slotted in there whilst unschooling]. No child who was 'taught nothing' before the age of 14 goes into mainstream school and is moved to the top sets in all streamed subjects within the first term. I feel vindicated ;-) But in all honesty I facilitated. She did the learning.
Because she was unschooled she spent hour upon hour, day upon day and year upon year honing her art. She A*d that too. Time she'd not have had if she'd been in school. She also ACED every other subject she studied for GCSE. She was a strongly self-directed, independent learner, they said.
I thought ALL kids would do this.
Unschooling is powerful!
Especially for rebels.
Photo by Justin Luebke on Unsplash
It's gonna be powerful for Upholders too. And Questioners are gonna do just fine.
Obligers? Hmmmmm... This very last part is perhaps why I have defected lately from the unschooling camp, at least for one of my children.
My 10 year old waits to be told what to do and doesn't know what she wants to do. She's bored. She isn't self-directing. But she does generally do what she is asked to do. She will settle down [not particularly contented] to watch the entire series of "The Big Bang Theory" or a long list of other series. Turns out she doesn't know simple [rather pointless] stuff like whether it is hotter in June than February! Well, she doesn't most of the time know what day of the week it is, or the month, so why would she know this from observation? This was, admittedly, a surprise to me. How can you get to 10 and not know something like this? She also didn't, so far, 'absorb' maths.
Gretchen Rubin proposes, in the context of how we respond to expectations [not in all contexts] we fall into 4 basic types [ Take the quiz!] and these may impact on how we unschool ourselves.
This 4 Tendencies work was a PROFOUND discovery for me that made wide ranging, positive improvements in my life, over night, without ANY effort on my part! Thank goodness it took no effort as I'm definitely a 'rebel' and getting myself to apply consistent effort toward a single goal can have variable results [one end of the pole or the other always].
When I saw Rubin's video on Rebels I cried.
For the first time I felt understood & approved of and I realised how I'd treated myself.
To say you are a rebel doesn't mean you DON'T respond to external expectations. My rebel 17 year old responded to external expectations and took herself off to school to be 'normal'.
She did and does just as I have done:
I responded to external expectations by beating myself up for being 'immature' or by doing things to the Nth degree because someone suggested I wouldn't be able to!
Because my first impulse is to rebel against anything I feel I cannot freely choose to say "no" to I've probably been told I'm 'immature', 'stubborn' and 'can't take direction or criticism' enough times in my life I started to believe it.
I did a LOT of things purely to prove I wasn't immature, stubborn and unable to take direction! I concealed my 'secret' that they were all 'right' about me. I "I WAS immature, stubborn and couldn't take direction or criticism."
I did a lot of things I hated mostly because I hated a lot of things I'd have loved doing if I didn't feel I HAD to do them.
I kept expecting eventually I'd mature and adapt 'like everyone else'.
I'm guessing since you are here on Steemit a ton of you are gonna resonate with this rebel stuff!
I'd NEVER let someone else manipulate me the way I manipulated myself!
I watched that short video and I realised I wasn't immature at all and I wasn't alone. In fact, I was just great!
I had a revelation I needed BETTER BOUNDARIES!
I thought my strong boundaries were the problem previously ... But as soon as I released myself to be a rebel and be proud and had boundaries I could say
"So and so wants me to do this. Do I WANT to do it? Shall I?"
In fact, I was really saying
"So and so wants US to do this. Shall we?"
but that sounds a little weirder than I was ready to divulge.
Then I'd say:
"Yes! Actually, we want to do that! Let's do it!"
and I'd laugh out loud. Thankfully, I wasn't saying the Gollum-like stuff out loud!
I'm hoping, one day, my 17 year old daughter will liberate herself from her self-coercion and love doing what she's doing.
Meanwhile, my 10-year-old daughter Yuki is LOVING poetry:
We watched this today, having looked at an excerpt of the poem "The Highwayman" By Alfred Noyes. The poem is very moving and cleverly written and the animation and reading is wonderful.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryu1JZiSbHo
She also discovered a love for maths and now she is asking to do it.
I hit upon this 'traditional' kind of schooling mostly because I need the brain challenge of trying to convey something relatively complex or relatively interesting to me or I won't be able to do it for long.
Watch this space. How long will it last? If she takes the ball and runs with it it may well be quite some time.
Nice writeup. Folks should consider unschooling.
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Great post @sallylloyd, my girls are home educated and my two eldest are so different in how they approach things. the eldest is very visual in how she learns, where as my second has got such a great mind for remembering and mimicking. It's really been an eye opener for me, but then we are all so different. I've always seen unschooling as something me and my partner need to constantly do, we have picked up so many school ways of learning which didn't come to light until we had our own children. They play and learn, we unschool ourselves and join in.
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@trucklife-family, thanks for commenting 😄
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I'm hopeful that all parents can see the differences between their children as you can. I think it is so much clearer to us when we have them around us all day.
I don't think the 'unschooling ourselves' process ever ends does it?
I tell you what! I'm getting a LOT of insight into which 'schooled' themes are going on behind my own actions/decisions by writing this series of posts and hearing comments.
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yeah I agree it's amazing the learning that comes when you really try and express your thoughts and feelings on things that mean alot to you. We are indeed learning all the time.
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true. I'd kinda forgotten it since I stopped blogging on the subject.
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thanks for your support on this post @trucklife-family :-D I followed you. :-)
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I wrote a long reply to your comment that got very self absorbed! I'm really processing a lot of stuff and your comment got me thinking. I'll make it my next blog post on unschooling and answer your comment properly :-)
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Do you ever use kahn academy for math? I found it very helpful for me when I had to answer one of my kids math questions concerning formulas I had long forgotten?
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I do love Khan Academy! I love the story of why it was set up too. Did you know he started it to send video lessons to his niece and nephew at a distance?
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I did not know that but what a great resource for all us! Also it raises the question about the insane amount of money being spent on public education when it is all there for everyone to use and pay for on a voluntary basis.
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hear hear! Really, education systems are indoctrination systems and babysitting systems so that more adults will work and pay taxes. If they still choose not to work and stay home for their kids they are penilised. The UK government has been making this clear for some years and indoctrination of the whole population is strong. Most didn't until recently [in the UK] know that home education is legal and they still have strong prejudices against it.
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It always amazes me that the public school systems were initially set up so everyone could read the Bible. And yet today what is the one forbidden Book, in our modern liberal democracies that no one is permitted to read in a public school? Smile, laugh and carry on!
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Yes, indeed. So many schools were set up with religious intentions and often with a desire to raise people out of poverty. I think they were highjacked.
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Hijacked to keep people in darkness and poverty.
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I think so. I was thinking to say hijacked [ps thanks for telling me how to spell it!] to keep people in poverty and I couldn't quite get there. There's still a part of me that thinks education raises you out of poverty.
Then I think of Sugata Mitra's work and I remember it is a mirage. People can raise themselves!
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Thanks for this interesting, and (to me) surprising take on unschooling.
We homeschooled, but I wish, oh how I wish, I had been unschooled myself. I absolutely hated school, and did poorly. I was always bored out of my gourd. I've presently been attempting to sway my granddaughter (now in high school) to consider blowing off college, much to my wife's horror.
In any case, you've provided some good grist for my mental mill... Thank You! ;)
😄😇😄
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Wonderful! I've provided good grist for mine too, which surprised me! Blogging is such a great thinking process ... so useful to get thoughts back from others too. I can feel my unschooling mojo returning! lol.
Have you ever seen The Teen Liberation Handbook? https://www.amazon.co.uk/Teenage-Liberation-Handbook-School-Education/dp/0962959170
Someone gave it to my eldest!
I'm wondering if I should dust it off and read it myself!
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could be very useful for your granddaughter!
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No, I had not seen that. Thank you very much for the reference.
Very nice to "meet" you here on Steemit. ;)
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ditto :-D
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haha. I felt a bit guilty for spamming my own blog with 5 in one day!
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Unschooling is the idea that learning is an innate ability and that people truly learn what they need to learn, when they need to learn it. Schooling isn't about learning, it's about forcing facts and testing them, coercion, control, shame, and indoctrination into accepting an artifical hierarchy in society. The government decides what should be taught and when, with really no thought as to what is developmentally appropriate or actually valuable in a modern economy, let alone what a child wants to learn. Unschoolers reject the idea that children should learn certain things at certain times. So the idea that one of your daughters is not interested in learning is not true. She is just not interested in learning what you think is acceptable and appropriate. That is totally your decision and your right to decide that as her parent. In many places, homeschoolers are forced to teach and pass testing. But unschooling is not about what the parent or school arbitrarily wants, it's about what is best for the child which, if someone is unschooling, would be self directed authentic learning so the child grows into the person they want to be... as opposed to the regurgitating of information to get an A reward. In unschooling, there is no reward other than the learning itself and its benefits, which produces a lifelong learner and usually someone very very good at their chosen profession.
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Yep. This is what I’m processing right now. I’m trying to get to the bottom of why I am finding myself departing from unschooling (which I’ve been committed to for about 13 years). I think I’m getting to the bottom of it.
The problem fir my 4th child is she’s not content with what she’s doing with her time (she is often bored) and she never seems to know what she might want to do. That’s not been the case with my other children.
I thought Rubin’s insights might be useful in her regard.
I get what unschooling is. I’m just not so sure after all that I’m ok with it.
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