Honesty (In the Late Hour)

That moment when you openly admit that you hate yourself
And yet you are told to go look in the mirror and tell yourself daily that you love yourself
Like I could really trick my heart or mind into believing such falsehood
I have had my moments
But my heart is forever broken
As I am #foreveralone
So what of it?
If I could snap my fingers and change things I would
Every morning I wake up and fight to stay awake
My anxiety is constantly skyrocketing
Even the Clonzapam does not make a difference now
I’m losing my love for things
This poem has sat dormant since the twenty-fifth of February
And now I am finally back to it again
My friend Mrs. Coppock told me once that “if I was not writing, I was not doing anything”
I cannot even call myself a writer anymore which hurts
And I weigh so damn much that I do not know how to love myself
Every damn day is a struggle and I hate living this way
I have a therapist, a psychiatrist, and want to break free from everything
My life is going no where
I am just living day to day
I do not believe that my life was meant to go this way
But I am glad that I could vent
These words on the page again
Adieu to you, my friends,
Thank you for putting up with me!

By, Tiffany Simar
2/25/18-3/10/18