Memestar finally over, reporters discover. (exclusive interview)

It's not everyday that you hear about "How scientists know how many times cavemen used to poop every day" but today is that day. Earlier this week, DNA from a monkeyman was recovered in a block of ice that they drilled in the Antartica ice wall that protects us from abominable snowmen from Atlantis. With this piece of information, humankind can reconstruct hairy dudes and build an army of gorilla soldiers that eventually won't even be able to properly use a handgun.

" Look, you guys might not have known about this but we were assigned the entire budget of NASA in the early 30s and we're still spending it recklessly in useless metals and most recently memecoins. You can trust us to not eventually wiretap on SpaceX's datacenter secretary department and publish our findings about how Elon Musk spends his evenings. We shall be 200% transparent about this situation and every little bit and byte of information shall be posted on pastebin or some equally relevant website on the onion router network" - Some old crusty fart in a white lab coat (2018-03-43)

At the time of writing this article, our top news report dudes are desperate to get an interview with the still-living Bill Gates and his opinions about the potential upcoming DLC for the Ford Tesla 2019.