11 Signs to Help You Spot a Liar

Do you like to be lied to?

Dumb question, not because it's an obvious "No", but the truth is, everybody lies! (And this is not a lie)

Fine. Both you and I will agree that we don't like to be lied to.

After working with organizational psychologists and over a decade of consulting work, I’m naturally curious how liars can be spotted. I researched on the topic regularly, watch movies around it (Lie to me, The Mentalist and House are a few that operate on the premise that everybody lies), and even looked into psychological tools like Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and Hypnosis, trying to figure out how liars work. And of course, in the process, understand myself better too. Hey, I am just like everybody else, and I caught myself lying even unconsciously sometimes.)

STATS ABOUT LIARS

• In 10 minutes, an average of three lies were told
• By four, 90% of children would have learned the concept of lying
• 12% of adults admit to telling a lie often or sometimes.
• 8 out of 10 women admit to telling harmless half-truths occasionally.
• 31% of people admit to lying on their resumes.
• 13% of patients lie to their doctor.
• 32% of patients stretched the truth to their doctor.
• 3 out of 10 people lie about their diet and exercise regiments.
• 6 lies are told daily by men to their partner, boss, or colleagues.
• 3 lies are told daily by women to their partner, boss, or colleagues.
• It's more common to lie over phone calls than face to face chats.
• 1 lie in every 7 is discovered as far as liars can tell.
• 1 out of 10 lies are just exaggerations and 6 out of 10 were outright deceptions.
• 7 out of 10 liars claim they would tell their lies again.
• Americans tell an average of 11 lies a week.

Source

WHY DO PEOPLE LIE?

So we've established that people lie. The question is, why? Well, over my research, a few reasons come to mind:

1. Because of shame, and we want to save face
2. We want an upper hand in any given situation
3. A brief moment of irresponsibility sinks in, and we want to shift the blame
4. We want to "keep the peace" and avoid unnecessary confrontation
5. We want to please someone for personal gains
6. We want to be nice! (Honey, do I look fat?)
7. We want to make ourselves feel better.
8. We believe it's for a greater good
9. We think the other party cannot handle the truth
10. We enjoy getting away with it

NOW… HOW DO WE SPOT A LIAR?

Remember: What's written below are not absolute signs, but more like mini-triggers that indicate someone may not be truthful. Hope you don’t take them all as sure things. Also, we've established that everybody lies, so it's better to shift the focus from exposing them to understand the underlying reason.

#1. The Eyes Are Not "Smiling"

You can't assume a smile is natural just by looking at the lips. You have to watch the eyes. Some people note that the absence of "crow's feet" is a telling sign that it's a fake smile. Also, as they say, the eyes are the windows to a person's soul.

#2. About those eyes

Speaking about the eyes being windows to a person's soul, for a right-handed person:

• If you ask about a question revolving their past, and they look right, it means they are lying.
• Because of how we are "wired" internally, we will look right when we are trying to create/visual an picture, and we will look left when we are trying to recall a memory.

#3. Speaking Faster than Normal

Well, when someone is anxious and/or nervous, their heart rate increase, pacing up their speech too. Their gestures and actions could be frantic as well. Oh yeah, look out for their pitch. It's usually higher when they are telling a lie.

#4. Ask Them to Story You Backwards

When someone is untruthful, they will usually memorise their stories, in an effort to keep them the same. As you probe further, asking more questions, they will probably simplify their tales, instead of giving more details like a normal person would. They do this because they avoid adding many details, for fear that the facts don’t add up.

By asking them to tell the story backward, which is uncommon, you may be able to pick up those details. Any delay in responses means they are trying to get their stories straight.

#5. There is a Mismatch in their Gestures

As the NLP presupposition goes, "Whatever happens on the inside reflects on the outside", hence the mismatch of body language and what is being said. Watch the shaking of the heads, because sometimes even when they verbally agree with you, they are unconsciously shifting their heads from side to side.

#6. Their Answers Sound Rehearsed

Liars run through their answers repeatedly because they want to be prepared when asked. The problem is, this makes their answers sound less unnatural than usual. The speed in which they responded is also a hint.

#7. Not Surprised When Confronted

Same as above, because they have rehearsed different scenarios and also the responses, naturally, there is no more element of surprise for them. As a matter of fact, police officers told me that a common trick they play on suspects was to put them in a cell overnight. Because they have somewhat prepared for the fate, the first one to sleep is usually the guilty one. The innocent ones are those that couldn't sleep because they are still trying to prove their innocence.

#8. Breaking Eye Contact

When lying, a person will break eye contact due to the shame or guilt they feel. Be careful though, because as mentioned in #2, they may be looking left or right as they are trying to visualize a mental image or recall a memory.

#9. Over Compliment

Because deep down, they knew they had done something wrong, they would try to be nice to make up for it. The moment you feel the compliments are over-the-top, perk up your senses!

#10. Watch for the "No's"

The way someone says No is a potential sign to lying too. For example:

• They say No and look away (breaking eye contact)
• They say No in a "sing song" voice (they are trying to change the mood of the situation)
• They say No really quickly (means they have rehearsed)
• They say No after a period of time (means they were deliberating their answers)

#11. Your "spider-sense" is tingling

Your gut feeling (or sixth sense as the women will call it as), is more accurate that you think. You see, while our conscious mind can only focus on up to 9 things at a time (usually is seven +2 or -2), our unconscious mind takes in everything.

Your gut-feel is based on the signs your unconscious mind picks up, so it would be wise to listen to them. Professional liars know this, which is why they usually try to distract you while they work on their moves.

Yup. Being lied to is a crappy feeling, but we have to remain objective of the situation, especially if it happens to be work-related.

And remember, the important thing is not if a person is lying to you, but rather why is the person lying to you? What’s motivating them to do so? What are they really trying to say?

Er, so... happy hunting?

Oh yeah, do leave a comment on how you normally know when someone is lying to you?

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