I want to always exist so I don't understand those feelings and can imagine it is hard because a lot of people

want to live and exist and we get through are lows by forcing ourselves to look at the positive, think positive and speak positive and if that isn't working most go to on drugs to fix their issues. I encourage anyone out there to talk to God about it. Whatever you believe isn't important here. Just talk to Him and wait for your answers to come. Idk you but He does. For me, I have accepted I will always halve some sadness and heartache over the losses I suffered and it's okay to not to be happy the way I used to be. I can still be happy in a new way at least happy in that I am grateful for all I still have and soldiering on.