I have seen a lot of posts beautifully written on how to succeed in steemit. They all come in, well written, well formatted, and with beautiful pictures. Well, what I am about to tell you is that I typed this stuff without editing it. Straight from my trusty phone.

^{Source: Google Image}


I will be dropping useful information to you on how not to succeed since I noticed there are about one thousand and one posts on how to succeed. Deal? Yes? Alrighty! Let's go into the nitty gritty of this.

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• 1: Register on steemit and hope to get an upvote of $1000 on that great picture of your wall that you took in the dark with no flash. You know, there are lots of whales looking for such posts to upvote. I'm glad you are happy looking at that $0, 1 nice view, and that powerful comment:"Upvote me and I will upvote you. Great post!"

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• 2: Get really angry and quit because no one upvoted your post. Refuse to listen when you are told there are other 100,000 posts just like yours competing for that same upvote.
  
  ^Source
  
  

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  • 3: Go to people's post and drop a random good comment. For instance," Wow, lovely post. I like your photograph." When the content of the post is about someone that has his house burgled and the photograph was that of the burglar that he got from the CCTV. Why should you bring yourself to the level of mortals to read? When you can drop your magic one-liner and everyone follows you and upvote the great contents of the blog, which of course includes pictures of your wall taken in the dark.

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  • 4: Believe that there is a conspiracy against you, everyone is looking to not upvote your post. Everybody just hates you like Chris in 'Everybody Hates Chris'.
    
    ^{Source : Google Image}
    
    

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  • 5: Send 0.001 SBD to a whale and in the memo add a link of your post so that he can upvote you. Most whales, I've found out, are really bored and have nothing to do but wait for such an opportunity. They'll gladly upvote your post, and thank you for remembering to save them from the imminent danger of death from boredom.

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  • 6: Copy and paste that great content that you saw in Life Magazine. Include the pictures and don't bother to add any source. Why should you do that when you are smart enough to copy? Get really mad, when @cheetah upvotes it. Raise hell when your username is blacklisted. Complain how steemit is just for the whales. Life is so unfair. Tell me about it!

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  • 7: Refuse vehemently any attempt to engage people that visit your blog. You know you came here for the money. Why should you engage anyone but steem, steem powers, and SBD?

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  Seven is the magical number, I believe the 7 points above could help you not succeed in steemit. Thank you very much.

  Resteem to help others not succeed. Deal? Oh yeah!