During the last national election (in the otherwise cursed year of 2024), Tippecanoe County, Indiana received a number of write-in ballots for the office of President. I've always thought of write-ins as being the sign of a healthy, free country, where citizens can voice their displeasure with the two main party candidates.
But sometimes, not so much.
In addition to the write-ins, one ballot was held back as provisional because the voter dropped it off on election night--at a Colorado polling place. Half the people of Colorado probably don't even know where Indiana is, let alone Tippecanoe County, and vice-versa.
As far as write-in votes, the biggest vote-getter was Jill Stein, who was running as the Green Party nominee. I don't know what their platform is, but I like the color.
39 voters chose the candidates for the Party of Socialism and Liberation. I guess their goals are pretty much right there in the title: They believe revolution is necessary to establish socialism. In my study of history I've noticed most socialist revolutions lead to a few people being in charge, and a lot of other people being dead.
Cornel West and Melina Abdullah also snagged a few votes. No, I don't know either, let me check ...
Oh--activists! Also socialists, and although that's not my thing, I have to admire Cornel West's awesome and intimidating hairstyle.
U.S. Rep. Thomas Massie, a Republican from Kentucky, got two votes, but I hear he's way more popular in Kentucky. He got the same amount of votes as Kanye West, who I hear is not as popular in Kentucky.
Jesus got 6 votes, and God got 3. Honestly, it seems like those should be combined.
So, who else got write-in votes?
Mike Rowe, he of "Dirty Jobs", one of the few people in the entertainment industry I'd actually vote for. Also one of the few who has an actual idea of what the average Joe does for a living.
Johnny Cash, who I'd probably also vote for except he's kind of, well ... dead. Not that I'd trying to discriminate against dead people, mind you. Lots of dead people vote every election.
Former President John Quincy Adams, by all accounts a man of principle, but sadly also dead. For awhile, now. He would be eligible, though, as he was a one term President, and I'm not sure there's anything in the Constitution forbidding dead candidates. Some people in Congress look awfully dead.
John Quincy--who wouldn't love those sideburns?
Singer Willie Nelson. I can't help thinking he'd have a "legalize marijuana" plank in his platform. If not a plank, at least a joint.
Alfred E. Neuman, the "What--me worry?" mascot of MAD Magazine, which doesn't have the circulation it once did. He may be a little too laid back.
Michael Vick, sportsball star who also ran a dog fighting ring that got him put in prison. Lots of politicians have gotten away with worse stuff than that, but as a dog lover I kind wish he was still behind bars. Which ... also isn't necessarily fatal to a political career.
Kermit the Frog. Yeah, I'd totally vote for him. I mean, he kept the Muppet Show more or less under control, and as First Lady Miss Piggy would also serve as butt-kicker in chief.
And finally, the one I'm really surprised didn't get more votes:
"They All Suck."
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