My 7 Horcruxes

Horcruxes are a wonderful tool currently employed by the liberal media to cast an evil cloud over a target without having to call them a Nazi (which is getting a bit old now).
For those that never got into Harry Potter, a true Horcrux is an object/entity that a dark Wizard uses to hide a portion of their soul, making themselves immortal in the process. To make one you need kill someone, recite the incantation and place your a fragment of your freshly torn soul into the host.

Voldemort famously made 7 Horcruxes, the locket, the diary, the diadem, the cup, the ring, Harry Potter and the final part residing in his body. That is 6 external objects and 6 murders to create them.

My choices are as follows:

Victim 1: My boss
Object 1: The shatter proof ruler on my desk
Hiding Place 1: Smelly Sarah's filing cabinet
Justification: Because being a subordinate is a horrible position. No one likes being told what to do by someone they don't like. The look of horror on her face as she realises that her death will be used to provide me with immortality would totally be worth it. Horcruxes are immune to most forms of damage, which would finally make the ruler live up to its name. It would blend in nicely in Sarah's filing cabinet and would likely go unnoticed if placed next to one of her shrine to Gary.

Victim 2: Justin Bieber
Object 2: One of his necklaces
Hiding Place 2: The bottom of the bay of Biscay
Justification: The whiny self centred little prick would make a fine addition in the afterlife (you know i'm right) and you can guarantee everything he has ever touched will be treasured forever by his adoring fans, thus guaranteeing its continued survival if it was ever found. Best not to take the chance and drop it at the bottom of the ocean. I don't need it anymore and don't want to draw attention to it so best to put it out of harms way.

Victim 3: That kid who hit me when I was 11
Object 3: The hat he stole from me
Hiding Place 3: My closet
Justification: Always best to have a one or two nearby for guaranteed peace of mind, and what better Horcrux to have nearby than the one that reminds you of the time you taught your childhood bully a lesson by harvesting his soul for your own ends.

Victim 4: That girls boyfriend
Object 4: The Nokia 3210 you had at the time (its a classic and won't be destroyed)
Hiding Place 4: My parents house
Justification: As a teenager I loved her more than the world. Needles to say it was not reciprocated and I spent generous amount of time in the friend zone until I left for university. Meanwhile her scumbag boyfriend who was probably cheating on her with loads of sluts (not that she ever believed us!) would make an excellent sacrifice to my dark cause.

Victim 5: My mother in law
Object 5: The Duke Of Edinburgh
Hiding Place 5: In plain site
Justification: My mother in law has always been appalled at the Dukes behaviour (no idea why) so obviously he would make a perfect hiding place for that portion of soul. He is immortal himself don't you know.

Victim 6: Daniel Radcliffe
Object 6: The Mona Lisa
Hiding Place 6: The Louvre obviously
Justification: I am running out of people to kill at this point so have opted for poetic symbolism instead. The Object speaks for itself. As one of the most heavily guarded paintings in the world it is would make a fine Horcrux.

Well thats it. My immortality is secured and I can play video games until the end of time. Muwhahahahahhahahahaha!!!