I am too sexy for my timeline!

The other day, a yesteryear actress was all over our timelines because she turned 63. The picture that did the rounds was of her in a white bandage dress. It is an older picture of the star, but not old enough to look unreal. In the picture she has the body of a 24-year-old runway model and a pout that now looks as though it has been tattooed on her. In reality, she was, and is, more Khajuraho than Kristen Stewart. The picture, no doubt had been subjected to fierce scrutiny and circulated in the media only after the diva was satisfied. The message that went out to the world was this — Don’t you wish your girl friend was hot like me?

And then there is the evergreen sex symbol, Malaika Arora, who had the world tut tutting at her bizarre outfit of choice that channeled her inner Madonna @60.

The thing about being a sex symbol is that you live longer than your implants and your fillers.

Which could explain the why some of our favourite sex goddesses have the overwhelming urge to freeze their sensuality till the time they are almost unrecognisable. Maybe, sometime in the future, the likes of Kim Kardashians and her third-world cousin Poonam Pandey, will not even appear in public. Maybe we will only see their holograms, filtered, photoshopped and filled out.

A cursory glance at the celebrity and society Insta handles is a telling commentary on our twisted definition of sexy. Unrecognisable faces with familiar names. At the age when the only support they can get is from their bras, women look incredibly perked up (pun intended). Derrieres that would put any hot Latinas to shame. Outfits they could have stolen from their daughters and meant to show off their latest acquisitions. And occasionally, thanks to some botched-up job in Europe, a perma-smile that could scare the shit out of you in a dark room.

And they owe it all to genes. Meditation. Some new-age therapy at a remote Swedish spa. Or just love and positivity.

Sexy is as the clinic does, eh?