The Cheesiest SEC Whistleblower and How I Airdropped PreSale Acquired Securities to Fifteen 3rd Graders

I have a story to share. It's an amusing anecdote that may seem to have a sarcastic undertone, but believe me, it's 100ish% based on fact and truth.

It was winter. Specifically, it was December 2015. I'm talking about a Las Vegas winter, so if you want to really put yourself into the story, imagine summer anywhere else. It was the night before...... (gotcha)My son's birthday party. We were scrambling to make last-minute arrangements. Up until that very night, we thought that, thanks to my bank, I would have no money to pay for the party, the gifts, or anything until they decided to let me spend my money that I deposited earlier that day.... My boy was not turning ten that year.

Then, a birthday miracle happened!!!!! US Bank let me have access to my money!!!! Time to paint the town red. We immediately get Chuck E. Cheese on the phone. Not the actual Chuck E. I think it was his CFO or CMO or one of his advisors. Judging by the obvious detachment from our conversation, I'm thinking it was the latter. So midway through a very manly begging session while trying to reserve a timeslot that we already invited everybody to, they had a cancellation and BAM!! We are in... Now to discuss the purchase packages. This was a whole new dark market side of Chuck E. Cheese that I didn't know existed. Shivers

This private presale that I stumbled into had options you will never see on the in-house menu. No way. The only ones that are relevant to this story are the token bonuses. Multi-level madness. They were telling me I had to spend a minimum amount to receive one deal and for others, with higher bonuses, they had to lower my cap for maximum purchases. Surely, I was participating in the black market. It felt wrong. We, still to this day, rarely speak of it.

My wife somehow convinced me to go with the hundred dollars token package because I would not just be getting $100 dollars worth of these tokens like the regular sale bozos. 1:1 like a noob... Not me. Not anymore.
CHUCK E. CHEESE HOOKED ME UP WITH A 50% BONUS!!!! I couldn't have them right away but the team sounded sincere. So here I am grinning ear to ear because I just came up on the investment of a lifetime. Oh Yeah!! The party is beginning and I have got to get these tokens passed out to the kids.

Here is where I begin to airdrop these ill-gotten tokens to all these innocent 3rd graders, unknowing of their securities nature. They had no idea what they signed up for. They just followed the signs that said "free tokens". These kids thought they had normal old utilites tokens, but of course, half of the platforms they tried to use them on did not work. It was almost as if the ski-ball and whack-a-mole were just there for showing and were never intended to be powered by these tokens. By this point, I'm accepting of what I've done. No turning back now.

Then, as the night is coming to an end, the community manager comes to my table with some cups and a colorful birthday bag. Apparently, there was a mistake in my bonus amount and they gave me another $150 in tokens!!!! The party is over though. Looks like I'm holding. Needless to say, I spent the next few paranoia filled weeks of my life peeking out the blinds waiting for lawmakers to come crashing through my front door........ Nothing.

2 yrs later......
Time manages to heal many things. Guilt, for me, is not one of them. I needed to get rid of these tokens once and for all. We tried for two years to chip away at our token hold, waiting patiently for Chuck E. Cheese to finish their games that these tokens are made for. Every day, from the coffee can on the top shelf of our pantry in the kitchen these tokens would beckon me. Slowly driving me mad like they were my very own "A Tale Tell Heart". I decided to exchange them once and for all..... I found a market with some volume. After 2 yrs of holding I was surprised. I placed my sell order on Craig's List and had a buyer that day. Due to the enormous bonus I had going into this whole thing, I was able to sell the $100 worth of tokens I had left for $50 in USD and I still feel like I profited. I even threw in a mile or two of purple tickets.

I am most upset that Chuck knew what he was selling me. He let me airdrop to all those poor kids with no KYC or AML or even an email verification. Chuck continues to sell securities. These tokens are disguised as a utility but I am here to tell you that the secondary market exists for these and it is full of nefarious scum. Be careful when you pay for your pizza and drinks at this age-old establishment... You may be handed change that came from the unregulated buying and selling of securities.

Ok SEC.... Give me my $100 million whistleblower reward please...... Can I have my reward paid in ETH, BTC, and assorted tokens please?