Stay Alive -- What Changes Occur in an Attempted Suicide Survivor

I survived a direct gunshot wound to the stomach at point-blank range. I was the one who pulled the trigger.

That was nearly ten years ago and while it's not something I think about often, I was definitely thinking about it recently after reading an article about people who jump off of the Golden Gate Bridge in San Francisco--and survive.

I have a lot in common with those jumpers, both the ones who passed on and the ones who lived on. As I belong to the latter group, however, I am able to tell my story to whomever may care to listen. I can only hope that if you or a loved one has been or is considering suicide as an option, you'll both read and absorb the truth I'm about to tell you now.

The common link between people who attempt a direct attack on their lives and survive is an amazing one. I'm not talking about people who do mild forms of self-damage in order to get attention, cry for help, or control someone. I am not saying that these situations aren't important, just different. I'm talking about the people who went past the point of no going back---but made it back anyway. I'm talking about the people who knew they'd screwed up and lost it all--everything--that it was all going to be over in a matter of seconds or minutes, and there was absolutely nothing they could do to take it back.

Life was no longer the game they'd come to believe it was. This was reality. Death was imminent. It was over.

The vast majority of people who leap off of the Golden Gate Bridge die--and many people sadly make this misled leap throughout the year. What, then do the survivors say afterwards? What do they do? Do they attempt the feat again?

Here's the reality:

As soon as they jump off, the darkened cloud that had covered their eyes and clouded their minds for so long--it immediately lifts and dissipates. It is an immediate, harsh, cold, and stark reality: this was a mistake, but it's too late. I'd do anything for a second chance, but it's over. Oh god, it's over. I'm so sorry. Forgive me. Save me. Help me. Please. I didn't want this. Why didn't I see this before? How could I not have known?? I NEVER WANTED THIS! HELP ME!

This is just a small taste of what it's like. It's so much deeper than I can describe, and this is why I'm telling, or rather begging you, please listen to what I'm telling you.

I didn't jump off of a bridge--I took a big revolver and shot myself directly in the stomach almost 10 years back. I talked a bit about this experience in one of my previous articles ( https://steemit.com/guns/@storyking/what-it-feels-like-to-get-shot-with-a-gun )

The point is that I, too, felt all of the above emotions and realizations just as the jumpers did, and do. I was inching closer and closer to death and there was nothing I could do to change that. I had been deceived--and was paying the price. I was going to leave behind my beautiful and awesome daughter, who was barely seven years old at the time--and she had been the light of my world. I was crushed. What had I done? I just wanted to go back. I realized that everything had been a lie. The hopelessness, the depression, the sadness, the feelings of worthlessness--just all a bullshit lie.

You must realize right here and now that situations and reality are far from the same. They can only SEEM like reality because that is what we--you--create in your mind. The actual truth is that you ARE capable. You ARE powerful. You ARE everything you need. You ARE wanted and needed by others. People love you, whether you see it or not. There are also a LOT of people who want to know you, to listen to you, to talk to you, to laugh with you, to hear your heart, to shake your hand, to work with you, to hold you---to love you.

You are welcome here. You are here for a reason. Always remember that you create your reality. Today, shrug off the lies that you may be harboring or holding in front of you and learn from those who are grateful for the second chance in this life, after having given up.

I lived and I can still walk. Since then, I've finished my degree, made several films, made hundreds of great friends while living and traveling abroad, and had another relationship. Currently, I'm using truth to inspire others. I love you, man. I love you, lady.

Remember that if you see a cloud even slightly begin to cloud your vision. Our love will blow it away.

Peace, Love, and Harmony to you.

-Brandon