I was raped on my wedding night.

This is not a proper introduction, but an introduction to an extremely personal experience which molded and built me into the person that I am today.

I like to believe that majority of marriages in India are not like this. I am not saying this happens for every marriage. But, if you are getting into marriage, you should always know that there is always a possibility like this out there, which you cannot ignore and which no one would tell you.

I come from a typical middle class family, based out of a very small town in Kerela (South India). After I turned 21, everyone around me started worrying that I should get married. Every relative that I met, advised me to get married as soon as possible otherwise I would bring shame to my family and never get married. Some even suspected that I would run off with someone( they said these in front of me!). So, I needed to be married and married to someone who was not my boyfriend.

Now, there’s a custom in South India which says that if a family doesn’t have a lot of money for dowry — girls are married to their cousins/mother’s brother(Uncle) if the age gap is not much. Say, the mother was eldest daughter and her brother was the youngest with more than 20 years of age gap. So, this way the girl remains in the same family and there is no exchange of dowry.

Similar to this, my wedding was fixed a month after my graduation, to my Uncle(mother’s brother) who was 3 years older than me. My case was sophisticated because I had a boyfriend already, and my family despised me when I told them about him(we had same religion and caste but he was from North India, which was a heinous crime in my parent’s eyes). I tried to protest, but using the usual emotional blackmail method, my father forced me into the marriage( he was very ill at that time) and the burden was on me to “fulfill his last wishes”. Interestingly, he is very much fine now, and I am inclined to believe that he’ll lie down again when it’s my younger sister’s time to get married. Emotional blackmails by parents for imposing marriage on their children is very common in India.

I was forced to break off all contacts with my existing boyfriend (mobile, internet taken away, locked in my room. I don’t think I could even have sent a letter if I wanted to, my plight was that appalling) and forced to dive head-first into wedding arrangements.

Most awaited day of a girls life, wedding came, and after a really embarrassing lecture from my mother, about my “marital duties”, keeping “families honor”, I got ready to be married to my Uncle. I didn’t even know whether to think of him as my husband or my Uncle. None of my friends were allowed to enter my wedding ‘cause my parents believed they would wipe me away from the wedding. I cried myself to sleep hoping that a new day would bring a fresh start.

I was waiting in my bridal bed for my husband to come and when he entered, everything was quiet, he exchanged some awkward small talk about whole day being tiresome. I told him “I’m feeling very tired, I will change my clothes and sleep”, but I was not prepared by what happened next. He suddenly kissed me, and started grabbing me, I was taken aback, but I just pulled away slowly, and told him that I was not in the mood, and restated that I was fatigued. He ignored me completely, and kissed again, started pulling my clothes, this time with more force, and when I tried to push him away, he slapped me, he called me immoral and a used piece of flesh(he dehumanized me because I had a boyfriend).

This was followed by the most horrible experience of my life, the details of which still shake me to this day.

I had nobody to turn to — he was my mother’s brother, and my father was very sick. To think of it now, I don’t think anyone would have helped me, even if the circumstances were different.

I stayed in this abusive marriage for a few months, which was the darkest period of my life. My day started like a human and ended like a flesh. Thankfully, I was not foolish, irrespective of how much my family pressured me, I never left the job, unlike a lot of women suffering out there. I ran away, before it was too late. As of now, no one know where I am and what happened. I am sure they must be saying obscene things about me and my ex-boyfriend. But, this is one decision that I made after careful deliberation and will not let myself regret it. I am considerably happy now, I have refrained myself from dating because of my PTSD, and I have no intention of marrying again. I am happy and proud.

I am happy to have moved on, I have a job and I currently volunteer at Maitri(non-profit organization for women empowerment) to extend my support for all those women who are in the same situation as I was. One experience is enough to scar you for life.

Thanks for reading.

Cheers :)
Jesika(name changed)

[Update 1]
I am overwhelmed by the comments and emotional support I have received from so steemit people here. Also, I want to thank everyone who have upvoted my answer as it will help me reach more girls. The memories are still fresh, and will take time to fade away, but it will.