Breaking Up, Marijuana, and Moving On

 

First of all let me introduce myself my name Katelynn my age 29 native america and I are travelers

I can’t do this here.  Thomas has been a first-rate presence in this weblog for the past 12 months and a 1/2, as I met him in Japan, Sapporo as I moved in with him in Germany a year in the past; as I persisted adventures with him via 8 international locations.  I'm able to’t certainly forestall bringing up him on here.  It desires a proof.

Thomas and i've ended our courting respectfully and amicably.

Why?

The simple answer is one that many humans known as lengthy ago: we've massively exclusive lifestyles and need hugely various things.  I need to hold journeying the sector and developing my brand.  He’s satisfied staying in  Wolfsburg.

With being able to follow for a associate visa as early as this coming wintry weather, the reality of it started to set in.  As soon as I had that visa, i would no longer have an excuse to journey all the time.  Thomas could want me to live behind extra.  I'd locate myself developing envious, something that would simplest increase through the years.

Worst-case scenario?  I kept picturing myself divorced with kids and tied not only to the Germany, but to  Wolfsburg  — forever.

I Couldn’t Fit In

I haven’t let on about it here, or much at all publicly, but it hasn’t been easy for me to assimilate to life in  Wolfsburg .  I haven’t written about this because I’ve been embarrassed.  I take pride in being the kind of person who can adapt to any environment, and not being able to do that in a seemingly easy location frustrated me.

Wolfsburg is an absolutely beautiful town.  That’s the first thing that I always say whenever someone asks me about it.  I can see why so many people love living there.  But it’s the kind of small town where the only sushi place quickly went out of business because NOBODY ATE THERE.

I’m not a small town person — much less a small town Germany person.  And in Germany, there is a much different attitude in small towns in the north than you would get in Germany, for example.  It’s very insular, very limiting.

Let me be clear — I met some truly wonderful, kind people in Wolfsburg.  This is not a slam against anyone in  Wolfsburg or elsewhere.  It’s just very difficult for me to relate to people who stay in the same town where they grew up without any desire to live anywhere else.

This is exactly what I longed to escape in Massachusetts.  As much as I loved living in dynamic, cultural Boston, I felt like living only 20 minutes away from home felt like cheating on my life goals — it wasn’t adventurous enough for me.

I thought I could do it.

I tried to genuinely enjoy living with marijuana.

I moving on.

I am well aware that I didn’t make as much of an effort as I could have.  I could have reached out to more people, gone to more Zumba classes.  I chose instead to work constantly, isolating myself.  That was a poor decision.

Still, it’s incredibly tough to live in a small town as a foreigner — particularly when your boyfriend’s friends are the friends he’s had for two decades, and when he is so firmly entrenched into the local community that you feel like a perpetual outsider.

Especially when it comes to being American.  Believe me, I am happy to be ribbed as the token American — if you take yourself too seriously, you’re best off avoiding Britain altogether — but when you hear nothing but negativity about your country and people of your nationality for months on end, it takes a serious toll.  That has always been one of the most hurtful things to me about living in Chester.

Everywhere I went, I tried to downplay my Americanness just to escape that negativity.  I attempted to dampen down my accent.  I swiftly traded my Americanisms for British slang.  I tried to be quieter, more demure, to take up less figurative space.

And I would try to get Thomas to say something, ANYTHING, positive about America or Americans.  He would always say that he loved how I was “the anti-American” — NOT anti-American as in being against America, but as in not being an American stereotype.  Thomas has been to America several times, and he still couldn’t find anything positive to say about his girlfriend’s country.

That hurt me deeply.  It still hurts me.

Sure, there are loads of American stereotypes: that Americans are fat, gun-toting, geographically-challenged imbeciles.  But there’s another stereotype: that all Brits can’t stand Americans.  Neither of these stereotypes are true.

My friends in Germany love Americans.  My friends in Scotland love EVERYBODY.

When I went back to New York this summer, I strutted happily down the streets of SoHo while chattering loudly into my phone, just like everyone else.  That simple action made me teary with happiness.  It had been so long since I had allowed myself that small freedom.

Family and Relationships

Thomas lives a short walk away from his parents and brothers, and he has a huge extended family living in Chester as well.  I love that Thomas loves his family and loves spending time with them.  You can tell that Thomas’s parents raised him and his brothers right — they are the kindest, sweetest, most helpful, friendliest, most respectful guys.  And the whole family has always been so kind and welcoming to me from the very beginning.

I’ve always known that Thomas’s friends meant a lot to him, too — but I didn’t realize just how much until one day a few months ago when he told me, “I don’t want to be the kind of guy who only sees his friends a few times a year.”

Thomas has friends whom he only sees a few times a year.  They live in Leeds and Germany.  Two hours away.

How It Happened

TBU Porto was a breaking point that had been a long time coming.  Travel blogging events are always a huge adrenaline rush for me — I leave on a high of inspiration, spending time with lots of people who not only understand me, but who encourage me to push myself to achieve my dreams.

After Porto, the scales were finally tipped in the direction of ending my relationship for good.  I decided to wait and do the breakup in person once I returned to Chester three weeks later.

Two weeks later, on the Sunday after TBEX, Thomas broke up with me by email.  I read the email while sitting on my hostel bed in Girona.

I let exactly two tears fall before letting myself sink into billowing relief.  Thomas has since told me that he felt the same relief.

This breakup is good.  It needed to happen (as all our friends and family have been reminding me and Thomas constantly, somewhat to my chagrin.  Really, you all knew we were so doomed and never said a thing?!).  But there’s still a lot of pain on all sides.  I know it will lessen with time.

Packing up my stuff was hard.

What’s Next?

I have decided to move to Germany — for the next few weeks, and possibly longer.

Yes, Germany!  I’ve always wanted to move somewhere hot and cheap where I could stay long-term without any visa issues, and Germany could not be a worse match for that criteria.

But being in Germany over the past few days has brought me so much happiness.  I’ve missed the glory of city life!  Going to museums on a whim!  Trying whatever ethnic food sounds good at the moment!  Taking public transportation!  By God, I love the tube!

Most significantly, I could be among friends as long as I live in Germany.  I've lots of friends here — which include masses of journey blogger pals — and there are plenty of tour and business-associated events and gatherings.  It’s been a very lonely year in Chester, and being surrounded by means of pals is precisely what I want right now.

In Germany, I can be the man or woman I need to be.  It’s my antidote to a yr of trying to be a person else.

Can i come up with the money for to live in Germany?  Um, now not if I keep at the charge that i'm now.  Which means it’s time to CRANK UP THE enterprise TO eleven.  That’s what I’ve been looking to do, anyway, so it gives me a large incentive.

In late July, I depart for three weeks in Africa.  (marvel!  Greater on that later.)  until then, I can be building a new lifestyles for myself in one of the global’s maximum thrilling cities.

#cannabis #marijuana #traveler #movingon