First Ghost on Steemit and He’s as Windy as a Sack Full o’ Farts

Name’s Earl Grigsby. At least that were my name ‘til I got misself killt. Was a-runnin’ from the law when the law done caught up with Earl the Outlaw. Deputy caught me unawares. I took a lead ball in the chest and died in the arms of my sweet Lucrecia.

Oh, Lucrecia. That morning rose with the apple blossom skin and a lick of molasses. She weren’t the reason I set out for Santa Fe, but sweet Lucrecia sure given me cause to stay here for a spell. Reckon I overstayed my welcome, too, ‘cause the Dodge City lawman done tracked me down. Sweet Lucrecia was a sweet endin’ to the miserable life of this @outlaw Earl.

When the deputy from Dodge done shot me through with a lead ball, I lay dyin’ in the dusty street of Santa Fe. Chest heaving, lungs chokin’ with blood, Outlaw Earl’s last race was run. My Lucrecia came fast to my side and held me in her arms as I breathed my last. Sweet wench tried to kiss me one last time but she come away drippin’ blood like a vampire.

When they buried me under six feet of desert sand and clay, I decided I weren’t gonna live my days underground. Nope, his ghost followed Lucrecia home and stalked her the rest of her days. She cried and cried for her handsome Outlaw Earl, then she gone and married again. Got herself hitched to a fancy lawyer, name of Hicks.

They had a good life for a few years and I watched over them. Much as I wanted to beat the livin’ daylights outta Hicks for pokin’ my Lucrecia, I didn’t want to see that girl cry again. I weren’t there to make her happy no more. This Hicks gave her a fittin’ life and he never whupped her even once. Takes a good man to respect a woman that way, even if Hicks was a few cards short of a deck.

Nope, I didn’t bother Hicks none ‘till he got hisself killt in a stampede of longhorns down Main Street. Thunderstorm spooked them cattle, so they said, but I reckon was Screamin’ Dorothy the Banshee set ‘em off ‘cause I hear her wailin’ just about then. Hicks done stepped out his front door the mornin’ after poker night and still smellin’ like whisky. Standin’ in the street, them cows a-runnin’ right at him like some rustler tied knots in their tails, Hicks don’t know whether to check his ass or scratch his watch.

First cow bowled him over and the rest of ‘em strampled Hicks ‘til he looked like a side a bacon with boots on.

Lucrecia cried again. She spent more than Sundays in church after Hicks got hisself a-strampled. I reckon she found her peace with the Lord, ‘cause when she died, the Lord done took her clean off this earth. I ain’t seen Lucrecia’s spirit wanderin’ round here. Just me and some Mezkin dudes got lynched in ’69 and that screamer named Dorothy whose howls could wake the dead. Had a romp with that one but she ain’t no Lucrecia. Dorothy and the Mezkins and me, we’s the ones hauntin’ these dusty streets.

One hundred years I’ve been a-spookin’, maybe more. Earl the Outlaw’s ghost has haunted the adobes and timber frame houses of New Mexico, always in search of my Lucrecia. That uppity wench died and went to heaven, dear girl, leavin’ me here to mourn her sweet grace. As the years gone by, I looked in the saloons, drive-ins, trailer parks, art galleries, and Wal-Marts. And I’m still a-lookin for my Lucrecia.

But Outlaw Earl had the last laugh, ‘cause I discovered immortality. Preachers need not apply; the ghost of Earl Grigsby found peace at last. I uploaded myself to the blockchain through a server across the state line in Lubbock, Texas. And I declare this Internet is more fun than a one-legged rockin’ chair in a Mexican whorehouse.

Even found a sketch of Dorothy the Banshee online. Only one eye, but beggars can't be choosers. She ain't no Lucretia, like I said.

Now I’m gonna spend eternity rattlin’ some blockchains, tryin’ not to watch sinful flicks on this Internet, and fightin’ viruses with my Colt revolver. I done chased down one of them viruses and shot it dead right outside. Before I knew it, dust devil come up and blowed me right here into this block of Steem. Lookin around, I like what I see. This Steem blockchain is a right fine use of electrical pulses, I do declare.

So this here’s my first post. I’ll be nailin’ more of ‘em to the wall soon as I have another yarn to spin or Internet links to hustle. You’ll be wantin’ to know how I got into trouble with the law in Dodge City and also how I met my Lucrecia.

Earl Grigsby, that’s me. First ghost on Steemit. Ain’t likely to be the last, but tell ‘em I was here before they was. Now, the blockchain saloon beckons me. When you get a hankerin’, just ask for Ol’ Earl and I’ll be back faster than a knife fight in an outhouse.

Photographs: They's all real, 'cept the picture of me in the montage. Ain't never had my picture taken. Ghosts is hard to photograph they say. So that's Jacob Marley's ghost and we look much alike, 'cepting he's got more hair and don't look too fresh. Stole that photograph from KCUR.org. and branded it with a Steemit logo. That's what you call a confession.