I worked for almost 2 years in childcare, and for the longest while, it was simply a means to pass the time away and survive in this crazy world. Dark and desolate, I was but an empty shell, no longer the person who laughed and felt overjoyed by the simple things. I didn’t know what to do or how to get myself out of this sticky predicament. But I kept holding on to a small light, a hope, a longing that got me through the boring days and quiet nights. My guru gave me courage, and his words kept me alive. I knew that I had to see him again. I knew that whatever healing I needed to go through, was waiting for me over in India. It was calling out to me.
And then miracles happened! Soon the tall buildings and houses scaled out of sight and through the clouds my dad and I traveled. It was surreal and I couldn’t believe that it was finally happening for me. I didn’t know what to expect, or just how much everything would change after this journey, but something told me that whatever came my way, it would be auspicious. And that was most certainly true. Though I wasn't aware of it, until many months later.
It was an intense 21 days, and at times difficult to comprehend but nevertheless, I made it through. Looking back, I feel as if I hadn’t fully appreciated the process and even though so much within myself had been worked on, that feeling of loving stillness hadn’t fully entered yet. At least, not in the way I had imagined. Perhaps I was just being greedy and not sincerely valuing what was given to me. If I could go back and do it all over again, with the understanding that I have now, I would have gotten more out of those fleeting 3 weeks.
But... that sad young girl I was before, had started to smile again. And the things that happened afterward, were the greatest gifts to have ever been given to me. All I can do now is continue down the path of knowledge and flow with life. It can get hard but trusting in God and in myself as proven to be the lifeline that sets me free from my bondage.
There are many things that I have to learn. And many discoveries I have yet to make. But at a snail's pace, I enjoy the dance. I twist and twirl and get dizzy to the music that sings out from my soul. I would say that who I want to be and become, is slowly unfolding and making itself known to me more, each passing day. There is no rush or desperation. It’s just that constant yearning to continue on up this spiritual spiral staircase.
It's fun, it's riveting, it's such a joyful ride. One that I'm glad to be on. In my secret book of dreams, I keep a few precious gems safe and sound. These little perfections, I hope to plant and see grow in the future. I don't tell many people about them because they're small and fragile and need lots of nurturing before I can show them off. Soft, gentle, tiny little seeds that I hold in my hands so lovingly. One day may you see the light.
I'm a girl who sees things differently. I must admit, I'm proud of that.
A tender spirit, maybe at times a bit too whimsical, I hold on tightly to what excites me.
And what sets me aflame is love. Unconditional and fulfilling. Pure and neverending.
Yours Truly
A girl with quite a few names
P.S Remember to ask Joshua for a kiss.
hahaha
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