This is the first poem I have ever written. Feedback appreciated

in introduceyourself •  7 years ago 

What wouldn't I do to go back to that day. To stop myself from walking towards you sitting by the frozen bay. A tired Phoenix burning in my flame. Ready to fly away from her captor and her chains.

Dogs running around frantically behind closed gates barking in the distance.
Telling me of my future dismay.
I kept walking anyway.

The chilling breeze pushed me and blew leaves at me.
Warning me to go away.
And I kept walking anyway.

The weak winter sun desperately tried to blind me hoping that I wouldn't see your face.
Begging me now to turn astray.
But I kept walking anyway.

The path ended and so did your pain. I couldn't tell which felt colder, your shoulder or the rain. Your words broke through my skin and entered my heart. Finding now a permanent place to stay. I had walked into the moment where you walked away.
Be free little bird.. and take with you the sunshine and the day. This darkness better matches the colors of my soul anyway.

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I really enjoyed your poem!! Nicely done, can't wait to see how you develop your skill!!!

I would say it's ok.

Welcome to Steemit @thekingwizard, I have upvoted and sent you a tip. Check my blogs if you are looking for tips on how to earn more Steem and SBD.

nice try dude ..keep them coming

Welcome here Thekingwizard ! Nice post, i will follow your account, please follow me at @khunpoom

A new Steemian :-) hello @thekingwizard I hope you enjoy your time here, its a great community ! Nice post, Wish you much luck! I Have upvoted and will follow your account. Don't hesitate to contact or follow me at any time :-) See you around @tradewonk

Welcome to steemit hope you enjoy it here!! Followed. Follow me back 😘