I would like to first open with an excerpt from a lecture of one of my favourite modern day philosophers, because it was this line that opened my eyes to seeing the world in a truly different light, and to continue striving on for whatever it is today -
Let's suppose that you were able every night to dream any dream you wanted to dream, and that you could for example have the power within one night to dream 75 years of time, or any length of time you wanted to leave.
And you would, naturally as you began, on this adventure of dreams, you would fulfill all your wishes. You would have every kind of pleasure during your sleep. And after several nights of 75 years of total pleasure each you would say "Well that was pretty great". But now let's have a surprise, let's have a dream which isn't under control, where something is gonna happen to me that I don't know what it's gonna be.
And you would dig that and would come out of that and you would say "Wow that was a close shave, wasn't it?". Then you would get more and more adventurous and you would make further - and further - out gambles what you would dream.
And finally, you would dream where you are now.
You would dream the dream of living the life -
that you are actually living today.
The Dream of Life by Alan Watts
When I was 19, I was supposed to be living my life. Going to college, going to parties (going to college parties), chasing girls, studying, traveling, and getting ready for an amazing life set ahead of me.
When I was 19 my world came crashing down.
When I was 19, my mother died.
Carcinoma of Unknown Origin. Whatever that means. I don't really understand their handwriting much less the technical terms they use. Or maybe because when I found out, every single bit of sound was sucked out into the atmosphere and I couldn't even hear my heartbeat. I couldn't even hear the thundering silence. You know that familiar ringing in your ears when everything is too quiet? Yeah, nothing.
And it was with her death, my life could truly begin.
My stepfather kicked me out of the house (I never got a long with him from day one), and I had to move whatever I had with me into a small storeroom with 50 bucks in my bank account.
The first thing I did after that was take her death certificate (it's funny how papers are important to humanity, even when you die you get one to celebrate your achievement) and head to the Employee Providence Fund (EPF/KWSP) office. She told me prior that she'd left me in my name a decent sum of her savings to start my life out. Maybe get out of the country and study overseas and see where that goes.
At the counter I was told that it wasn't in my name listed as the benefactor.
At the counter I was told that my mother's hard earned money (All 100k of it) which she left for me to start my life out, wasn't mine.
At the counter I was told that my stepfather had come in here a few weeks ago with my mother's consent, and had it changed to his name.
What did I do after that? I ran crying to my uncle and aunt of course! And they told me that the nurses actually told them that one day when they were cleaning my mother, they found ink on both her thumbs. Unfortunately since we didn't hire a lawyer to declare her of non-sound state of mind, there's nothing we could or can do.
I cannot tell you the amount of hatred I had for that man. The venom in my being. I was willing to sell my soul to the devil himself if only to watch another human suffer in torment at my own leisure and amusement. But I know that life doesn't work this way and if you choose for it to happen, not one but two graves are dug. One for the person, and the other is for you. And I wasn't ready to get into any grave yet. I know there was more to life.
Fast forward I took a student loan and signed up for a degree. Got a job after I graduated and never looked back. I kept moving up the rungs in life one day at a time. Sure there were moments where I would stare at the ceiling, thinking, wondering, is this where life stops for me? Is this where my destiny is? There were many needs and wants I wanted in life (and I truly understood it, I did psychology, and much to my chagrin they were sometimes very needless things haha)
And every time that happened, I slap myself and think back to when I first moved into a storeroom with 50 bucks to my name. I never dreamed I'd have a computer to game on much less write this post on (PC Master Race: may your FPS be high and temps be low), nor a 2000 sq ft apartment, where I have claimed the master bedroom (en suite bathroom) as my private domain, and a job that pays for it all.
Every time I get to go out on a date, I think of where it all began.
Every time I go for drinks, parties or just to chill out with my friends, I think of where it all began.
Every time I close my eyes when I go to bed, I think of where it all began.
And I smile.
Sic Parvis Magna - Sir Francis Drake
My name is Aris Raphael and I've lived an interesting first quarter of my life, and I'll be here to bring you guides, advice, and philosophical ramblings that would make Socrates shake his head in embarrassment. Whether practical and useful, or downright nonsensically ridiculous (get this guy away from his keyboard) I'll leave it up to you.
A warm welcome to teammalaysia great to have you onboard. All things happens for a reason .. it's how you channel the negativity into a burning desire to succeed. Truly inspirational .. cheers
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Hey dude, that, was breathtaking. The amount of work you put into telling us about your life is amazing. I am very happy I came across your post. I also related to a lot of it, which was great. I am incredibly excited to hear more about you and what you have to share, I also think that our content is gonna be pretty similar. You totally have my follow and upvote! (It would be awesome if you followed me back, but either way, I thoroughly enjoyed your post.) Good luck on this wonderful platform.
@insatiabledreams
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hey @insatiabledreams thank you for reading! I'm not sure if it's a good thing that you managed to relate to it, but at least I hope it's for the positive parts. Sure thing, I'll definitely check your content out and likewise, will follow suit ;)
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Unfortunately, I related to some of the hard things too, but, to live is to grow and connect with those who are hurting as well. Sometimes the strongest people come from the most difficult lives. And sometimes the greatest friendships come from relating to the rough times in life.
I am excited to hear more of your work.
Its gonna be okay.
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First off, let's welcome @theurbanwolf to Steemit and Teammalaysia 😊.
It's truly a sad and furious life you have at that age, definitely can feel that by reading it but let past being past, and head towards what's in the present and future 😆
Have fun explore steemit, don't forget to join in teammalaysia discord channel for any question you have and you might also guide us a thing or two about copywriting 😬
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thanks @aaronleang forthe warm welcome! I've already joined the channel and gotten everything in order haha. As for the copywriting, maybe I should do a steemit on it :p
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Holy crap! I’ve known you for quite a while but this blew a hole in my mind.
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Hahaha yeah I don't really tell this story much. But I think for new beginnings this felt like the right place and time
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Hello And Welcome To Steemit!
It is a platform like none other. You can get to know people from all over the world. If you continue to post great informative content you will grow a following in no time!
Start following some authors that post good content and upvote them as well. Follow Me! Make some friends and you will be well on your way to earning some nice curation rewards and growing your following.
Best Of Luck!
Spencer Coffman
Read My Latest Article: Electronics In The Classroom
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Thanks @spencercoffman for the welcome! I've just been reading and reading so much lately and it has certainly inspired me to hash out more (but obviously with quality content). Will definitely check some of your work out too!
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You're welcome!
See My Latest Post!
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@theurbanwolf I'm sorry Aris life wasn't what it was supposed to be for you. I didn't know you suffered so much since Aunty Mag died. I never guessed J was like that. No one we knew ever updated me. I did ask Aunty P but since she is 'estranged' from the family I didn't get any info. I still remember the times when you were young and carefree. I'm happy to know now you're doing well. Hopefully we get to catch up one of these days. Welcome to Steemit and teammalaysia. You will always have my upvote.
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@francesaw it's been awhile!! But yes always onward and upward for me with anything in life! We must catch up! Thank you for the warm welcome!
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hello welcome to steemit..
i will follow you in your account so i am hoping you followed me back.. thanks..
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welcome to the steemers family
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nice post bro, its a good read, may i ask what age are you now..?
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So sorry to hear what you've been through in your teenagehood. But i'm glad that you've made it til today. You are definitely one strong man. I pray that you are able to live a joyful life ahead and knowing you are deserve to be celebrated. Bless you @theurbanwolf!
Oh and.. Welcome to steemit family! :)
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@theurbanwolf, no words can ever match to what you've truly experienced during those times, but I am glad that now, you are strong, alive and more importantly, buoyant. Look forward to reading amazing posts from you! :)
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Hello and welcome to steemit :) I'm glad you came out of what happened positive and headstrong, and sincerely hope for more blessings for your future.
I am curious to see more of what you will share next, I look forward to it :)
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That's an awesome story, @theurbanwolf!
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