The Most Overdue Self-Intro in the history of Steemit, Overcoming my Fears, and What's behind the Pineapple?

The reason I've remained anonymous at steemit are varied. The biggest was a desire to just do what I do without making much of a show about it. I don't want to be over-intentional. There is something that always felt slightly unnatural about taking a picture of myself with the intention of sharing it with strangers, or even going out of my way to show old photos with anyone who I don't have a close relationship with. It seemed like ego-based behavior.

close up

There are other reasons I remained anonymous but with regards to the above, I am coming to realize that the ego is not something that needs to die. It's merely clothing that we wear, a vessel with which to interact with the physical. The only problems with the ego come when it believes that it is an entity unto itself. My ego is my clothing. I can wear clothing for the convenience of staying warm, or even to express something, without believing that the clothing is me.

There was also a fear of notoriety. I make music. I would love it if my music could help me to connect with others. My experience playing shows, however, showed me how lopsided the connection of someone on stage with their audience can be. The stage itself is something which I am not a huge fan of. It isn't the sharing, it's the distance, and the hierarchy that come from a whole night spent focused on one individual (or perhaps a small group). There is the tendency of people to idolize. It seemed very unnatural for me, even when I was young and participating in this kind of behavior. What the hell is an autograph? And lastly, with regards to attention, there is the tendency that people have to label you and categorize you, and then feel disappointed, or even to lash out when you do not fit their labels. I don't need peoples approval but I also do not want to deal with the hassles of TOO much attention.

I realize now that if sharing is my goal, I must share without much regards to how it is interpreted. Of course, I want people to understand where I am coming from, but I cannot expect that they do if I don't make the first step. I still do not like the construction of the "stage", but I can't break the stage without first standing upon it. I cannot empower others if I am not first empowered, and sometimes, if I am the only one in the room who has empowered themselves, I may receive far too much power for anyone's good. I need to trust myself that I will be able to redistribute that power back to those who have given it to me unknowingly, and teach them how to wield it.

There was a fear internet surveillance, the fact that the more information we give, the more we are profiled by both the state and corporate entities. I wished to avoid giving any more information than necessary. It is very likely that we are being categorized by our opinions and lifestyle habits in order to analyse us. This information could potentially be used in a variety of ways which are still not commonly understood. But if society becomes more and more opressive, am I just going to cower and hide my true self and create a public persona? That will cause a pulling at two ends until the cognitive dissonance is too much to bear. My fears of such a world will only cause me to add fuel to that fire. I believe that we can do better as a species, but the only way is if we are true to ourselves and are not afraid.

So here is to getting over my fears:

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A bit about me

I write music. I write stories. I teach languages. I guide those who desire guidance. I build community. I want to change the world through the process of changing myself, creating the very best version of myself to rub off on everyone I meet and to enjoy every moment. I love the feeling of inspiring others and if inspiring others in whatever way comes natural can't be an occupation, it should be. That is why I am an artist above all else.

I speak Japanese and Chinese, a bit of Spanish and a bit of Cantonese. I'd like to learn some more western languages when I get around to it.

I am working on finishing an album under the name "I+Everything", and a book entitled "Confessions of the Damaged". These are two passion projects that I've been chizzling away at for the past few years but both are nearing completion. Both will be pay-what-you-want, as I believe this mode of payment promotes trust and freedom, and I believe that I can convince enough people that what I create is valuable.

I would so much love it if I could become self-sustainable through my music and my writing, and I'm about 25% of the way there with some big progress being made right now. Then if I need to get a job in order to obtain a visa for wherever I want to live I will do it without a heavy heart because I will know that I can quit and take my time to find a new job, or just go back to living the nomad life. I would love to have the money not only to move about freely, but also to be able to support other artists and independent thinkers so that they can focus their time on doing what they love.

If you know me, you know I am constantly coming up with new ideas to create more trust, more cooperation and more fun. On steemit, some projects I've come up with are The Be Awesome discord community (soon to be invite only), The Deadpost Initiative, and #nobidbot.

I want to live without being controlled by fear. That is why I chose to show myself after 428 days at steemit. Now that you know what I look like, it will be easier for me to share some of my projects which are not Steemit based, hopefully helping to create more awesomeness!

I love helping and connecting with others so just a reminder, always feel free to send me a message on discord to chat.

I still value my privacy and so sometimes I with withhold certain details. For now, you can call me Z. Or Pineapple. That works.

Love,
Z
Pineapple
whatamidoing
thetree
ipluseverything

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Confessions of the Damaged
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