Did you know that you can focus on the blessings of God instead of Himself? I was swamped and and overwhelmed by trying to figure what I should be 'doing' instead of acting like a human 'being'. It felt like I was a shell of a person; the unworthiness and shame came on as a slow fade and eventually consumed me. Calling out to God felt like I was talking to a brick wall and expecting a response. At my wits end I spilled my guts to a couple of trusted leaders and they gave me the tough love that I needed. A few days prior to that, a friend found me after prayer set and told me that God is removing old mindsets and at the time I didn't fully grasp that what was being removed was a victim mentality. That's a difficult but necessary truth to swallow.
God has shown me yet again that He is incredibly good and faithful. I have been hired at a restaurant a 5 minute drive from my apartment and training will likely start Thursday of next week. I'll be starting off as a host and will transition into my goal of serving! Thank you, thank you, Jesus. I'm still working for Uber, Favor and Postmates in the meantime and searching for financial assistance to help pay my rent and bills before August 2nd. Please pray that my every need will be provided for and let me know how I can pray for you! Thank you to everyone who has counseled me, listened and loved me through this.