Jerry Banfield walks into a bar...

mbc-meps (52) · 6 years ago

bwahahahaa
Followed up by those 2 guys with the white tyger?

😊 😋

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goingbonkers (56) · 6 years ago

... with a big smile on his face, sits down and asks for a beer.
'It looks like you're having fun mister', the bartender says.
'I sure have man, I sure have. I live close to the railroad you know. And coming home late last night, I saw a woman tied with ropes to the track. I hurried to her to untie her and after that we made love the rest of the night'.
'So I guess she also satisfied you orally real good?', the bartender wants to know.
'No, looked for it, but the head I never found'.

$0.41

battleaxe (69) · 6 years ago (edited)

@booster this contest is declared invalid by Fox Force Five SJW League, Meanwhile_in_Norway....gif
Jerry wouldn't walk into a Bar...

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battleaxe (69) · 6 years ago

Self Aggrandizement Vote just like the big boys do...

my ASMR sessions are only 300 an hour and I just got a load of bubble wrap in and a new Ayn Rand book

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tytran (54) · 6 years ago

wow Ayn Rand Bubble Wrap ASMR thats the most paint chippy thing ever, why not add fisget spinners and weighted blankets LOL :D

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battleaxe (69) · 6 years ago

DQmbePkJqF2irx41uSN6asGz8Hc66LVccdhNhsb38Qw1xvy_1680x8400.jpg

don't be silly @tytran

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swagadam (51) · 6 years ago

swag ;)

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mbc-meps (52) · 6 years ago

HEY!!! It's not CLICKABLE :P
But I only wanna grow my Horn 3" :D
So I can be like JERRRRRRRRYYY!!!

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alishan72048 (25) · 6 years ago

Give me up vote as i do. Please help me in my stability.

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foxon (53) · 6 years ago (edited)

He walks up to the bartender, orders a drink, and sips it while socializing with a couple of the regulars. He leaves before he's even finished his drink. The regulars agree he was nice, but a little off.

10 minutes later, Jerry Banfield walks back into the same bar. This time, he has a friend and gives them a hearty clap on the back as they approach the bartender. The friend gets a drink and Jerry leaves again.

10 minutes later Jerry Banfield walks into a bar - this time, with 2 friends. They're all smiles and laughs. Jerry buys them both a drink, congratulates them, and leaves.

10 minutes later, Jerry Banfield walks into the bar with 3 friends. He buys them all drinks and introduces them to the friends he previously came in with. This new troup interacts strangely with the regulars. They struggle to order their own drinks, and usually wait for Jerry to help them with it.

10 minutes later, Jerry Banfield walks into a bar. He has only one friend with him. They sit in a quiet corner for 3 minutes talking in hushed tones while Jerry makes grand, sweeping gestures with his arms. This new friend joins the previous friends and starts explaining to them how to interact with the regulars and how to order drinks. Jerry smiles at them all on his way out the door.

10 minutes later, Jerry Banfield walks into the bar. No friends this time, but he hops up on the bar, waves his arms, and requests that everyone look at him. He explains to all that he has recently showed people how to order drinks. With great passion, he explains that ordering drinks can be done by anybody. He proposes everyone in the bar gives him all their money so they can order even more drinks together. He further offers personal drink consulting for $799 per minute. His friends start clapping and gushing over how great he is. Most of the regulars are just confused as to why he is there - some wonder wtf is wrong with these people....
..................
Shit! I forgot the joke part. Uhm..... Jerry is in AA.... so.... ok here:
Jerry Banfield walks into a bar, he says "oh whoops" and leaves. The crowd goes wild.

$0.12

4 votes

booster (68) · 6 years ago

You have been selected the winner of this competition. All jokes has been read out loud on @SteemSpeak and yours was the one that caused the most laughter. I cannot upvote this comment since it is 10 days old, but I will upvote your latest post.

Congratulations!!

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foxon (53) · 6 years ago

Dude hella! I'll blame it on excellent delivery :)
Thank you!

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kralizec (70) · 6 years ago

Jerry Banfield walks into a bar, sits down at the bar and starts telling the bartender a story: "You know, one day, I wonder what it would be like to suck my own dick." This makes the bar freeze with fear in his eyes. "And I did it. It was so amazing that I continued to do it for years and got essentially addicted to it." he continues while the barman just stands there frozen. "Either way, before my wife gets here, give me a glass of warm milk, I'm feeling it today."

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gary-wood (48) · 6 years ago

and whole bar walks out.

I still love you Jerry!

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mbc-meps (52) · 6 years ago

But the other 2 guys DUCKED!!!

😁 😂 🤣

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dandesign86 (68) · 6 years ago

Jerrybanfield walks into a bar an orders a “reward pool” shot. The bartender says, sorry, you already made the supply dry up.

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bafspotlight (53) · 6 years ago (edited)

Jerry came to the environment, seeing the environment lonely and quiet but when he opened the door to see what's going on, everywhere was a bomb. He was surprised and decided to walk in slowly surprised. LOL!

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andrewharland (66) · 6 years ago

Jerry walks into a bar.. he starts collecting all the used glasses. He pours all the last drops into one glass.
A drunk man sits in the coner alone. He puts the now full glass down in front of him then charges him $50 for delivery.

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warrior-sage (54) · 6 years ago (edited)

See's that they sell alcohol. He creates a online course that teaches people how to order a drink from the bar and How to drink and drive etc...
Also creates a partners program where you can pay him 50$ a month to join him and his drinking buddies(other partners)

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scarletmedia (54) · 6 years ago

Jerry staggers in: I forgot my feet in here the last time, came to get it!

Bartender: Man! You are more drunk than the drink?! Out you go!

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johnbcheffin12 (65) · 6 years ago (edited)

Jerry walks into a bar and doesnt give me my vote or refund back. But this is hypothectical cause I never worry about Jerry, he gives me back my stuff if I make a mistake.
Im still waiting for my 6 sbd back. How do I get my coins back @booster. Ive left comments. It may be chump change but not to me. Now i did vote twice by accident but usually you send it back saying you cant vote twice but you never did anything. My proof is in the photos.

https://steemit.com/news/@johnbcheffin12/google-hides-homeless-veteran-s-suicide-statistics

I made the mistake but would like a response.
Thanks for being awesome lets continue to be.
Can anyone HELP ME?

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r351574nc3 (72) · 6 years ago

I think in this case, you don't get a refund because it makes the bid 6 + 6 SBD or 12 SBD. Did you get a ridiculously large vote that you wouldn't expect from 6SBD? Also, if you bid that much and there isn't much left of a vote, yeah, you threw your money away.

Use https://steembottracker.com it will show you how much vote is left to bid on. Give yourself lots of room in case this happens again.

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johnbcheffin12 (65) · 6 years ago

I didnt get any vote or refund. I did vote twice for same post which is sent back but this time it wasnt sent back. The bot has returned before thats why it was odd. Its just that im being ignored and I have proof no vote and no refund. We trust these reputable bots like @booster so i dont know. And he put out this post, so i know there is a human working, So how come you are not answering my request? esp when im leaving tons a comments. Oh well guess ill just do post about it and have them vote on it lol. Thanks for commenting cheers

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r351574nc3 (72) · 6 years ago

wow. That sucks. I hope things eventually work themselves out.

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4 votes

johnbcheffin12 (65) · 6 years ago

I hope so too. Karma is karma. And Im sure it will. If not its only money I will just make more.

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modemser (62) · 6 years ago

Jerry just wanted to become a cool nird

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sst (54) · 6 years ago (edited)

Screenshot_Chrome_٢٠١٨٠٦٢٢-٠٣١٥٣٢~01.png

Jerry Banfield walks into a bar... to talk 1 hour at $ 810

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5 votes

greatnex (32) · 6 years ago (edited)

A blind man enters a lesbian bar by mistake. He manages to sit himself down on a barstool and orders a drink. After having been sitting there for a while he says with a loud voice to the bartender: -Want to hear a blonde joke? The bar gets quite as the grave in an instant. With a dark and husky voice the woman next to him says: -Before you tell that joke I'd like to inform you on some things. The bartender is blonde, the waitress is blond, I am 2 meters tall, weighing 107 kg, I'm blonde and have a black belt in karate. The woman next to me is also blonde and a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde professional boxer so please think twice about telling the joke. Do you still want to tell it?

After considering this, the blind man says: -Nah, not if I'll have to tell it five times.

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bafspotlight (53) · 6 years ago

Great one my friend.
You may win this

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sagartalekar (52) · 6 years ago (edited)

now i get ua upvote thanks

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viog37 (46) · 6 years ago

In one night Jerry Banfield galloping, heads up to a bar. He ties up his horse, and walks in calmly .

He approaches the bartender, orders a whisky and when about to raise his glass for a drink, hears a voice from the background:

-- Ps-ps, watch out, he'll steal your horse!

Jerry goes outside, sees his horse is tied up, returns back in the bar and shoots 2 guys. Then sits down, raises up his glass to drink, and hears that voice again:

-- Ps-ps, watch out, he'll steal your horse!

Jerry goes out again, sees his horse is tied up as normall, returns back in the bar and shoots 2 other guys.

This repeats itself few more times, until only a few are left alive.

Now, the same voice starts again:

-- Ps-ps, watch out, he'll steal your horse!

Jerry furiously stands up, when he hears another voice:

--Ey! You shut the fuck-up and finish with your chess game, otherwise we'll all get shot !!!

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r351574nc3 (72) · 6 years ago

you shut the fuck-up and finish with your chess game, otherwise we'll all get shot !

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rifki1 (53) · 6 years ago

your post is so amazing @boster I am very interested in your post

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battleaxe (69) · 6 years ago

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aslam8 (44) · 6 years ago

And ran out side
because everyone there asking for an upvotes. 😁

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basilsolomon (50) · 6 years ago

Jerry Banfield walks into a bar and he buys everybody drinks, on the condition that they only drink his self-owned beer imports. He does that so many times the bar runs out of beer and the only thing left is Banfield's beer products, which taste like shit, and the alcoholics are starting to crave their beloved favorites.

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jarradlevi (48) · 6 years ago

Jerry Banfield walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'm looking for a friend." The bartender turns to him and says "The Facebook bars next door!"

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alishan72048 (25) · 6 years ago

Give me up vote as i give u. Help me in my stability.

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croata (54) · 6 years ago

Hey @booster, I just sent you 7.2 SBD for an upvote and I didn't get the upvote nor the refund... Hopefully, you can get this solved.

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rishi556 (62) · 6 years ago

And gets kicked out, just like he does everywhere else.

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acousticsteveo (61) · 6 years ago

slobbing his own knob.

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mrblu (62) · 6 years ago

When the bar is open. The cats will play. LOL

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sulev (70) · 6 years ago

Jerry Banfield walks into a bar.
That's the joke. It never happens.

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haikubot (54) · 6 years ago

Jerry Banfield walks
Into a bar. That's the joke.
It never happens.

^{- sulev}

^{^{I'm a bot. I detect haiku.}}

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pleasestop (51) · 6 years ago

While cute, this superfluous comment is considered to be spam, harms the blockchain, and is the reason why we will soon have to pay for comments like this with Resource Credits. The servers that maintain the blockchain are extremely expensive because of comments like this seeking low effort upvotes, so please do not reward this behavior.

Please consider using this link to give a small downvote of 15% or so to discourage these comments.

Any bot like this should respect the community by providing a whitelist to prevent the post in the first place and then provide a way to delete the comment for those who find this intrusive.

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shakesphere (34) · 6 years ago

Jerry Benfield walks into a bar he frequents and sleeps off in a pile of his own puke in the middle of the bar, cos he got so drunk at a friends place and thought the bar was his living room

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usorong (46) · 6 years ago (edited)

He orders for three glasses of star beer at once. He goes out and comes back after some seconds and place another order of three glasses of beer.
***Amazed by his action,the bartender advised him to get just a glass per order, but he explained. I have a brother in both Dubai and London and I am here in Nigeria, so it has been my custom to drink that way so as to remember how we used to sit together and drink. So I take a glass for myself, one for my brother in Dubai,and the other for my brother in London
***He made it habit and everyone knew him for that. But on a faithful monday evening, he came and demanded for two glasses.
***puzzled by the change, the bartender met him and said, I am so sorry for your loss friend. The man was a bit confused, after some minutes he burst into laughter and explained
***my brothers are all alive, just that I had decided to quit drinking.

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usorong (46) · 6 years ago

Jerry Banfield walks into a bar. Give me a chilled glass of beer and give everyone two glasses each, for while I drink everyone drinks.
You can see the smile radiating from everyone's face. After some minutes, he calls out "Give me another glass of beer with chicken and give everyone two glasses and chicken each, for while I feast, everyone feast"
The bar was now filled to the brim with people drinking free, courtesy of Jerry.
After some hours, he calls out Give me my bill and give everyone theirs, for while I pay, everyone pays.
He wakes up to consciousness in the hospital to discover he was severely beaten by angry drunkards. Lol

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grey580 (61) · 6 years ago (edited)

Jerry Banfield walks into a bar... bartender says to Jerry, "Hey! You can't cum in here!"

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raj808 (71) · 6 years ago (edited)

Jerry Banfield walks into a bar...

pulls out the gopro and proceeds to make a video about the best way to enter/arrive/infiltrate/access/crawl/barge in to a bar. Uses a talk to text software to add an encyclopedia length text of his video rant to a steemit post entitled: my bar entering experience, then sits back and watches the $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ roll in 😉

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steemflow (72) · 6 years ago

Jerrybanfield walks to the bar to enjoy the continous success....but came out..seeing the falling steem prices...it spoils the party.

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revisesociology (73) · 6 years ago (edited)

Bartender says... 'Hi, welcome to the Spectrum Bar' would you like a drink?

Jerry says, 'No thanks, I'm already on it'.

And leaves.

(Wishful thinking).

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top5everywhere (48) · 6 years ago

yesterday night i have recieved a patient in operation theater. When Patient is awake after the effect of anesthesia, he is very uncomfortable and try to stand up. i asked the patients what's the problem with why you are very uncomfortable.
He said leave me i am going for urine output.

LOL and the problem is that patient already Catheterized, but he want to go for urine outpul.

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fauzan19 (38) · 6 years ago

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udezee (67) · 6 years ago

Gets fucked by angry fishes for having steem lust in greed habit.

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kumico (47) · 6 years ago

Entras a Mastur Bar

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pangoli (69) · 6 years ago

Bartender: sorry sir, we're all outta steam.

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mbc-meps (52) · 6 years ago

STEEM

:P

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battleaxe (69) · 6 years ago

giphy (28).gif
steamy

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pangoli (69) · 6 years ago

I know it's steem. Steam puts it in context with liquids.

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mohnasier (45) · 6 years ago

Jerry Banfield enters the bar .....

This is an opportunity for me to be able to advote from jerry Banfield, since jerry Banfield came into the bar and hopefully he will drink a lot and make jarrybanfield drunk and not self conscious .... Because it is an opportunity for us to get votes from him ...

if not when Jerry Banfield is drunk we can advote anytime ????

If he is not drunk it is certain we will not be able to vote from him, yes iyalah because of our bad post ...

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steemitboard (66) · 6 years ago

Congratulations @booster! You have completed some achievement on Steemit and have been rewarded with new badge(s) :

Award for the number of upvotes

_{Click on the badge to view your Board of Honor.}
_{If you no longer want to receive notifications, reply to this comment with the word STOP}

Do not miss the last post from @steemitboard!

Participate in the SteemitBoard World Cup Contest!
Collect World Cup badges and win free SBD
Support the Gold Sponsors of the contest: @good-karma and @lukestokes

Do you like SteemitBoard's project? Then Vote for its witness and get one more award!

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cryptoalways (25) · 6 years ago

He goes inside and start drinking wisky/wine

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kgakakillerg (76) · 6 years ago

You did not upvote my post or refund me

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pangoli (69) · 6 years ago

Jerry walks into a bar...

Uh oh, ladies hold fast to your wallets.

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carrioner (65) · 6 years ago

And starts selling air.

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sagartalekar (52) · 6 years ago

I can't make joke 🤣😉

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jonbit (66) · 6 years ago (edited)

Jerrybanfield walks into a bar and announces he just open a fast food restaurant called Jerry's Beef Stroganoff Creamy Cheese Seafood stand.

The bar tender turns to him and hands him a napkin "looks like you're a messy eater".

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abdulahadmusic (32) · 6 years ago

Jerry Banfield walks into a bar, and he comes out 😂😎

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yahlove (27) · 6 years ago

The bartender requires Jer to identify himself as required by the Omnilaws (with Cloud Act) of the United States. Jer says he would like to but someone stole his ID. "Are you Indexed?"asked the bartender? "We are if we got a birth certificate and social security number in the system" says Jer. The bartender throws him out! "You come here as unidentified ammo of a terroristic entity and claim to be a number and a straw-man! You musta-missed the wizard or you could tell me truly who you are if you only had a brain cell claim. Twisted Uncle Sam gets no status! Inquire with Mad-dog Mattis! I hear boots on the ground and offenders will feel the pain! Trust the plan; be a MAN. We are laughing, dancing, playing in said Purple Reign. What da FOO is up wit boo?" (If you don't think, its funny, this joke is on you!) Obey👌🏿🙏🏽✌🏿️👂🏽👀🕵🏽

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opeyemioguns (68) · 6 years ago

He then bought some some drinks and pay off all the drinks people have bought for the whole day
😂 😂 😂

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mbc-meps (52) · 6 years ago

Here's yo winner: STEEM CHEERLEADER.png

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nowargraffitis (67) · 6 years ago

"Comes a search engine optimizer in a bar, pub, tavern, tavern, restaurant, tavern, beer house ..."

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manilagg (53) · 6 years ago

I sent 1SBD to the @booster. but didn't get any confirmation nor the upvote in the last vote given by @booster

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manilagg (53) · 6 years ago

guys please see to this.. 2 upvotes by @booster but my post hasn't been upvoted.. no confirmation either

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akbarbadsha (57) · 6 years ago

Hi @booster
i sent 1 sbd to booster now
I can't find my bid on steembottracker booster current round and next reound.

Can you check and refund it for me please

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slimmyke (44) · 6 years ago

closes the door and the building falls on him

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shahan (32) · 6 years ago

@booster help me to grow on steemit please👍

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mister0nd0 (44) · 6 years ago

And buys all the Vodka, drinks it and shouts DONT DO DRUGS

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sundram (9) · 6 years ago

@booster Hey friend please help me to join me your community my friend please follow like comment share I hope you like my content plz support me. https://steemit.com/mgsc/@sundram/black-to-move-2018-06-28-07-35-52

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shanks25 (39) · 6 years ago

how to use booster service... anybody???

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msandhu (41) · 6 years ago

Sir i am send 1 steem to u plz upvote on my this post plz not on my puting post on send before plz https://steemit.com/mgsc/@msandhu/top-cryprtocurrency-exchangr-isurging-useres-to-withdraw-funds

$0.00

https://steemit.com/mgsc/@msandhu/top-cryprtocurrency-exchangr-isurging-useres-to-withdraw-funds

msandhu (41) · 6 years ago

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ijar85 (39) · 6 years ago (edited)

dont work now ? i send 1 steem $ i got nothing :(

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cham4204 (51) · 6 years ago

https://steemit.com/tasteem/@cham4204/tasteem-a6d8ca
10.00SBD deposit

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cham4204 (51) · 6 years ago

https://steemit.com/tasteem/@cham4204/tasteem-a6d8ca
10.00SBD I made a deposit, but I did not

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tsnaks (63) · 6 years ago

A guy walks into a bar and orders 12 shots. Before the bartender even returns with the check, the man has slammed back half of them and shows no signs of slowing down. As the guy finishes his final shot, the bartender asks, "Why are you drinking so fast?"
The guy wipes his mouth and replies, "You would be drinking fast, too, if you had what I had." The bartender asks, "What do you have?"
The guy says, "75 cents,” and runs out the door.

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sanjana003 (25) · 6 years ago

How to get jarybanfield ......booster for grow ur prifile

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bid.bot (63) · 6 years ago

Hello. You have not refunded this bid nor upvoted it. Please proceed with the refund or upvote. bidbot.credits transfer 15.232 STEEM to booster https://steemit.com/bidbot/@bid.bot/now-earn-minimum-and-guaranteed-10-profits-for-the-bid-bots-out-there-at-post-payout

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tsnaks (63) · 6 years ago

The naked man walks into the bar.

And is surprised to see that he is not the only one naked.

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tsnaks (63) · 6 years ago

are you able to write many different jokes?
I got many good jokes :D

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johndoer123 (65) · 6 years ago

I just sent you a bid and did not get upvoted! Please refund my money.

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hforstner (60) · 6 years ago

i send

| 1.000 SBD | From: @hforstner12:29
From
@hforstner
To
@booster
Amount 1.000 SBD
Memo https://steemit.com/deutsch/@hforstner/mein-salatdressing-mit-zitronensaft-und-olivenoel-ca-50-kalorienreduziert-gegenueber-essig-oeldressing

no upvote

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zaicha (59) · 6 years ago

Hi, i have bid for 1 Steem as per the folowing detail but did not got any upvote. please check and refund.

24 minutes ago Received 1.000 STEEM from zaicha https://steemit.com/bitcoin/@zaicha/bitcoin-update-03-jul-2018

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jacksartori (60) · 6 years ago (edited)

Hi, I sent you 30 SBDs but I have not received any upvote. Please refund my SBD.

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jacksartori (60) · 6 years ago (edited)

It's a joke. I sent to you 30SBD and I received an upvote less than 8$. Refund me at least half of what I gave you if you want me to continue using this bot. I am honest and I hope you are too.

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themagus (68) · 6 years ago

...and breaks his nose!!

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hforstner (60) · 6 years ago

@booster
Author
@hforstner
Permlink mein-salatdressing-mit-zitronensaft-und-olivenoel-ca-50-kalorienreduziert-gegenueber-essig-oeldressing
Weight 0.27% ( $ 0.50 / ~ 0.57 USD )

@booster rated this article as 0.28% positive: @hforstner.
Where is here what positive i send 1sbd and get 50 c this is negative for me.

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