Joke 1

Funny thing about life

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/71

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Joke 2

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

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Joke 3

George is so forgetful, the sales manager complained to his secretary. "It's a wonder he can sell and I'm not sure he'll even remember to come back."

Just then the door flew open, and in bounced George. "You'll never guess what happened!" he shouted. "While I was at lunch, I met Old Man Brown, who hasn't bought anything from us for five years. Well, we got to talking and he gave me this half-million dollar order!"

See, sighed the sales manager to his secretary. "I told you he'd forget the sandwiches."

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Joke 4

Q: What is the leading cause in death with lesbians?
A: Hairballs.

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Joke 5

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice. "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished.

He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.

Where are you? the man asked. "Who are you?"

I am your guardian angel, the voice answered.

Oh yeah? the man asked. "And where the heck were you when I got married?"

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Joke 6

Your Honor," she told the judge, "I want a divorce. My husband has been cheating on me."

"That is a serious accusation", the judge said. "Do you have any evidence to substantiate this claim of your husband's infidelity?"

"Yes, Your Honor. Just last night I was walking down Broadway when I saw him go into a movie with another woman."

"Who was this other woman?" the judge asked.

"I don't know. I never saw her before."

"Then why didn't you follow them into the theatre and find out who she was. It may have been just a harmless coincidence. You should have gone in after them."

"I would have", she explained, "but the fellow I was with had already seen the picture."

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Joke 7

Greatest scientists of all times were invited to a conference

• Newton said he'd drop in.
• Descartes said he'd think about it.
• Ohm resisted the idea.
• Boyle said he was under too much pressure.
• Darwin said he'd wait to see what evolved.
• Pierre and Marie Curie radiated enthusiasm.
• Volta was electrified at the prospect
• Pavlov positively drooled at the thought.
• Ampere was worried he wasn't current.
• Audobon said he'd have to wing it.
• Edison thought it would be illuminating.
• Einstein said it would be relatively easy to attend.
• Archimedes was buoyant at the thought.
• Dr Jekyll declined - he said he hadn't been feeling himself lately.
• Morse said, "I'll be there on the dot. Can't stop now, must dash."
• Gauss was asked to attend because of his magnetism.
• Hertz said he planned to attend with greater frequency in the future.
• Watt thought it would be a good way to let off steam.
• Wilbur Wright accepted, provided he and Orville could get a flight.

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Joke 8

Q: Why are the floors of basketball courts always so damp?
A: The players dribble a lot.

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Life is a gift

Original post: http://csyd.es/1/78

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Originally post at: https://sydesjokes.blogspot.com/2017/10/daily-jokes-from-sydesjokes-for-11-oct.html

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