@JamesGetsIt's Kill The Pad Challenge Wk # 2: "A Way Out" (Original Verse/Poem)

verbal-d (71) in killthepad • 7 years ago (edited)

Artwork by @scuzzy

Verse Without Gifs (For Verse With Gifs, Scroll Below)

He had to move out, new route to go and get away
He left his family/friends behind, now recognised as foreign stray
United with his wife and baby daughter, as a father
But it bothered him, he couldn't even afford to feed them fodder...

Work experience didn't count, nothing in his bank account
Learned a whole new language, while his anguish nearing paramount
Wouldn't settle for less, but still stressed
'Til somebody told him 'bout a website open to bless...

They said, "Come to Steemit, you might not believe it
But I've made thousands of dollars upon my posts if you'll just read it"
"You've got the talent, just stick to it, find a balance
Then look in one year's time at your Wallet's estimated balance..."

His intro made 7 cents, success wasn't evident
Persistence and consistency, was what he had to represent
But over time, became a leader in community
And shows his gratitude at every given opportunity

Verse With Gifs

He had to move out, new route to go and get away
He left his family/friends behind, now recognised as foreign stray

United with his wife and baby daughter, as a father
But it bothered him, he couldn't even afford to feed them fodder...

Work experience didn't count, nothing in his bank account
Learned a whole new language, while his anguish nearing paramount

Wouldn't settle for less, but still stressed
'Til somebody told him 'bout a website open to bless...

They said, "Come to Steemit, you might not believe it
But I've made thousands of dollars upon my posts if you'll just read it"

"You've got the talent, just stick to it, find a balance
Then look in one year's time at your Wallet's estimated balance..."

His intro made 7 cents, success wasn't evident
Persistence and consistency, was what he had to represent

But over time, became a leader in community
And shows his gratitude at every given opportunity

Thank you for reading & viewing this post in its entirety, I hope you enjoyed it for what it's worth.

All Gifs used from Giphy.com

Next Post coming tomorrow

Please Upvote, Comment, Follow & Resteem to show your support

My very own wonderful gif logo provided to me by the generous and kindhearted @papa-pepper Thanks again very much!

killthepad poetry art writing thecut

7 years ago by verbal-d (71)

$10.04

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jamesgetsit (64) · 7 years ago

Yea man, this is cool... Scheme is classic. On topic. Content was cool, telling a bit of your story and how you came to Steemit. A couple of the rhymes were a little out of place, or kind of lazy to me.

but still stressed / open to bless
find a balance / estimated balance

The first couplet was cool, but I felt "open to bless" was out of place. The phrasing was off to me, website open to bless, etc. Just felt a bit forced and not thought out, just key-styled. balance/balance - only time I think using the same end rhyme is OK is if it's part of the scheme. Like what Drake does or something.

I would never diss you, I would never hit you
Girl you know that I miss you, I was on my way home just to kiss you.

Something like that, where it's really part of the scheme.

Good drop man! Appreciate you participating!

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2 votes

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verbal-d (71) · 7 years ago (edited)

Thanks so much bro, definitely could have improved the writing but this was good practice towards the journey of making another impacting track in the future

Here is the audio of this verse
https://steemit.com/dtube/@verbal-d/0tfwv8ts

It is all part of the creative process and growth, appreciate the feedback

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1 vote

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jamesgetsit (64) · 7 years ago

No probs man! Appreciate you participating!

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verbal-d (71) · 7 years ago

Definitely bro, I'll keep doing so as long as time allows :)

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1 vote

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miloha (37) · 7 years ago

nice

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verbal-d (71) · 7 years ago

Thanks

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burhanuddin (49) · 7 years ago

a good post I really amaze @verbal-d

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verbal-d (71) · 7 years ago

Thank you very much, so glad you enjoyed it.

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mrpuzzle (50) · 7 years ago

Is this a new form of Art?

I'm so glad I popped in the 'NEW' tab at this very moment, because if I hesitated for one moment longer your art would have swept on by in the Steemit sea.

Fate?
or
Fortune?

I'd say the later as fate only brings us together but fortune actually means it was worth it.

Thank-you for your words :-D

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verbal-d (71) · 7 years ago

This is a Hip Hop art form. 16 lines that rhyme which make up an entire verse which can be rapped or flowed on a beat. I'll perform this soon. Thanks for checking my art out, fate and fortune can both be found through steemit :) Much success to you. Steem on

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prydefoltz (65) · 7 years ago

Love the extended version. Great penning, D:) And that cat gif got a chuckle our of me:)

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verbal-d (71) · 7 years ago

Thank you very much @prydefoltz, I felt the penning could always use improvement but this was for sure good practice. That cat gif got me as well lol

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polarbeats (53) · 7 years ago

Nice rap man love to see people succeed from the struggle keep getting rich homie as we make money work for us!!

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verbal-d (71) · 7 years ago

Thank you, I appreciate your kind words. I love seeing people succeed from the bottom up as well, crypto is the new way. Steem on

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polarbeats (53) · 7 years ago

yes sir will do man! Keep being awesome

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verbal-d (71) · 7 years ago

You too thanks so much

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polarbeats (53) · 7 years ago

it's no problem we got to keep shining

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ulqu3 (66) · 7 years ago

Entered the competition as well, but gotta say Nice one bro

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verbal-d (71) · 7 years ago

I'll check out your entry, thanks for reading mine and glad you enjoyed this one, easy to tell a true story, Much appreciation. Steem on

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abeera (36) · 7 years ago

very true and interesting poetry,,,,if you sing this in your awesome style we will enjoy more :)

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verbal-d (71) · 7 years ago

Glad you enjoyed my true story poetry @abeera, many thanks, I plan to release the hiphop performance soon :) Thanks for your support

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abeera (36) · 7 years ago

i'll wait :)

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simgirl (61) · 7 years ago

I like these verses. I also like that you took the time to tell the story in gifs! Grats on winning second place in the contest!!!

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verbal-d (71) · 7 years ago

Thanks so much for checking these out. The gifs are always fun to pick out. I recorded the verse recently if you want to hear me rap it outloud to a beat

https://steemit.com/dtube/@verbal-d/0tfwv8ts

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simgirl (61) · 7 years ago

Awesome! Always sounds better when the lyricist sings it. Very smooth :D

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1 vote