What Keeps The Average Human Being from Being Kind?

        Kindness is appreciated by most people, and yet it is often rare in the activities of daily life. I have noticed children often watching TV shows modeling rudeness, meanness and disrespect. It seems that the more disrespectful the character behaves the more popular and entertaining that character gets. Some people call it a form of comedy. Perhaps it is; but to me it is comedy in poor taste that is not helping this world be a better place.

        An older lady, in her seventies, told me it was easier to be kinder to people you don’t know than it is to be kind to your own family. Shocked by her statement, I thought, shouldn’t our biggest effort of kindest be towards our love ones, or are we just lazy? And yet, how many years have I listened to parents complaining about their children’s rudeness and disrespect toward them from age 12 to 42 or beyond? Where did they learn such behavior? I would have never spoken to my mother the way I have heard children today speaking so disrespectfully to theirs.

        I read once that it takes more muscles to smile than it does to frown. Perhaps it is easier to be angry, unforgiving and mean than it is to be respectful, understanding and kind? Do you ever notice when you are choosing not to be kind or respectful…. or why you choose to be so unforgiving?

   Today, I see more and more anchors on the news and  many of the TV hosts often modeling, to their viewers of whatever age, how to be rude, mean and disrespectful. There was a more elegant time in life when the news projected neutrality. They simply reported the news. The anchors and hosts of other decades use to behave with more dignity and integrity in their responsibility of reporting. Today, many TV personalities behave, at least on camera, like bullies on school yard play grounds. I wonder when respect and integrity will again have value in their line of work, or has that industry just sunk to such an abominably low level of ethics and of disregard for what is right and what is wrong that it will burn itself out of existence?

        I think, as theses TV personalities vie for power and money, they may never have the level of integrity necessary to report all sides of a situation with objectivity so their viewers can be informed. If the viewers are not given unbiased reporting, they are being manipulated instead of respected. How can viewers be respected by allowing them to think for themselves if TV anchors and hosts force their conclusions onto their audience by reporting only their biased opinions and perspectives of the days events? Is being manipulated and dictated to by these less than ethical TV personalities a way to help make for a better America? Perhaps these public personailities don’t care and encourage their children to behave as they do?

   I worry about the new generations’ ethics and critical thinking skills. It appears that they are learning that if someone does not agree with you, you bully them: physically, emotionally, financially, socially or anyway you can. Americans have forgotten their manners especially many of the public personalities, like the anchors and TV hosts. I ponder how their modeling has helped Americans be better people.  I clearly see, especially with the incoming generations, that they have lost their more civilized skill to respectfully debate intellectually with the facts, instead of throwing mud, lies, threats, insults and fists at their opponent.

        I admire public figures who speak and act with integrity. Yet, most of them are vying for power, or a bigger paycheck, which translates into power for them, so it appears they choose not to act and speak with dignity much of the time.  Do they choose higher ethics and values in their personal lives?  But why would you, who may not  be a public figure, behave that way? Why would you not choose to be kind, respectful and generous?  Could it be that most people, no matter their age or circumstances, are vying for power also, whether it be political, social or family power, for the bigger financial, or emotional paychecks? Is that the reason why so many people choose not to be kind, not to be respectful or not to behave with generosity and dignity more often than not….  because they are afraid they will lose power on some level? When do you choose not to be kind?

   I think for most of us kindness is like a muscle that needs to be built up.  I also think that some people afraid to be kind.  It is all about power. Who do you want to use your power against? Some will use their emotional power against their own family members, even their own parents? Is power, real or perceived always a higher priority than basic courtesy and kindness especially with your loved ones?

  Most people appreciate kindness, yet couldn’t care less how their lack of kindness affects others. Some people naturally take more than they give in the form of time, money, a helping hand, a sounding board, or just simple kindness. I often find people speaking of love and light when they have not yet mastered the art and value of being a kind person. What is the old saying about crawling before walking?

    The act of kindness and basic manners is diminishing in this country. It’s happening all over, from church, town and school communities, to the behavior of our children and especially our public personalities on TV.

   When I was growing up helping each other was a good thing. Of course, there is always the person who would take and take even when they could give and do their part, at least a little. And I can understand people protecting their time, energy and resources when encountering a human with such low ethics as to be a taker and never a giver, or one to pass the goodness he or she received on to others. But what I notice more and more, are people laughing and smiling as they brightly say things like, “I was asked to contribute or help with the bake sale and….I said no!”  They were proud of themselves that they said no. Of course, everyone needs to say no occasionally, but these same people repeatedly announce it with such victory as if they just made a touch down. Is announcing cheerfully to everyone that every time that you were asked to so something, that you kept your power and said  “NO”, is that where the lack of kindness or lack of generosity begins? Is it better to say no than yes when someone asks you to contribute something?  Is that their attitude or message?  It is true that one needs to watch out for themselves, and not let others take advantage of them, but like most things in life it’s a balancing act. So say no if you must to protect yourself, but then why brag about how you said no as if you just scored a touch down? What is that modeling to others? Some people I have observed almost delight in being asked to do something or give something simply for the satisfaction of saying no.

   If you think kindness and respectful behavior has value in your personal, social or professional life then I hope you become more conscious at choosing to be kind and respectful and make it a habit and not something you do occasionally. And for those who have not strengthened their kindness, understanding and generosity muscle, I hope that whatever level of energy you can muster to be kind, respectful and understanding you first share it with those closest to you. Your family is your first responsibility and what a gift to the world to be kind and responsible to those in your life. If you practice kindness to your loved ones, for sure your kindness muscle will grow to ripple out to those you encounter and who are in your community. Be kind and smile…it’s the foundation to happiness. emotional security, and community.