News you can use: Hezbollah's procurement department may have some job openings.

Some of the guys in charge of acquiring communications tech have met with an unexpected (and unlamented) demise. The rest are likely to get fired, as it seems they didn't choose the best possible pager and walkie-talkie suppliers.

Thus, Hezbollah will be in the market for new procurement specialists. Pay and benefits are great, and you won't need to worry about the retirement plan, since you probably won't live long enough to use it! If interested, call 1-800-NASRALLAH. But be patient, as it might take the Hezbollah HR Dept. some time to figure out a way to get back to you.