I have been giving a lot of thought lately about power. It's interesting to think about the balance one must strike between our true will and desires verses the needs and desires of those around us. Additionally, as I have begun a serious study of Luciferianism, I find myself acting as devils advocate against transitioning. I am becoming increasingly aware of the male privilege that I posses and that adversarial voice is telling me to use my male privilege to gain power, use my natural gifts and talents to get the other things that I want in life. Additionally, my primal fears of wanting security and dominance of the people and spaces in my life is in conflict with what I really want: to live as a woman. But what sacrifice is this? I am so afraid of loosing my male privilege; without it I am defenseless. I identify so much of myself, what I posses, and what/how I will live my life in the future that it can be hard to wrap my mind around. One of the principles that I have had to face is the thought of continuing to live my life as a man beyond the grave. I am also optimistic about life extension becoming a reality in the future. Thinking along these lines has only further solidified my resolve to transition. One of the major motivations for my study of Luciferianism in particular is in the way that the Left Hand Path (LHP) can systematically strip away all of the obstacles that are in the way to achieving the things in life that are in your best interest. For me I know that systematically dealing with all of my issues in regards to transitioning and ultimately being able to cultivate self acceptance and pride is in my best interest.
