NO LOOSE ENDS!
As we concluded the Q & A session at the Life and Business Masterclass (Abuja), someone (Mamudu Hamzat Gideon) asked a curious question: What do you wish you knew at 21?
Honestly, there wasn't enough time to give the full-length answer. That one would require an entire book.
Instead, i answered with just one thing I wish I knew then: The wisdom to understand and value my father's intention over his expression.
Hmmm... sounds deep abi? What I just typed above isn't even my intended message but I'll need this narrative to take us to where I'm going. Stay with me...
Like most African parents, my father was unrealistically strict. And like most African children, I only recognized his sometimes violent reactions. I didn't have the maturity to wonder WHY.
There's something most of our strict parents will never have the courage to tell us. Yes, like the rest of us, they get scared too. Don't let the macho straight face fool you.
In their young and restless youth, some of them have done things they'll spend the rest of their lives secretly paying for or running away from.
Some of our parents have been to prison and so they can never be the president of this country. You're wondering why your parents only mentor and maybe sponsor others, but don't aspire themselves?
Some got married (or maybe just had kids) in circumstances that robbed them of certain options in life. You wonder why mummy sometimes beat you like you were the source of her problems?
Some have immigrated illegally, been a nuisance abroad and received travel bans on their record. You wonder why daddy never likes the mention of certain countries?
Some have (premaritally and extramaritally) given birth to children they weren't able to publicly claim. You wonder about that 'cousin' in the village who looks like you and your siblings?
Some have stolen from a boss, or from their company. They were found out and the aftermath put a permanent lid on how far they could grow in their career. You wonder why you did 'pick-pin' for stealing maggi?
I could go on and on...
When they see you moving in the direction of their mistake, they see themselves all those years ago, young and foolish.
They subconsciously time travel to save their younger selves. This sometimes manifests in their violent or manipulative parenting styles - that's their level of competence.
WHETHER YOU ACCEPT IT OR NOT, most parents want their children to be better than them - MOST PARENTS.
And so their incompetent expression aside, what is their intention? What is the instruction they cannot articulate in words?
NO LOOSE ENDS!
Here begins the real meat of my message. I will now say to you what our parents could never find the words to, because I've learned to love and rationalize like they were never taught to.
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NO LOOSE ENDS
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No loose ends, my child. No loose ends.
Every bad seed you sow goes into the womb of time, and in due season, you will be forced to eat of its harvest. You've heard it said, "Sow the wind, reap a whirlwind"
NO LOOSE ENDS.
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1
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You just met somebody really attractive. Keep your pants on my child. Know their roots first.
Ask all the questions that they consider to be beyond your years. Where is their village? Who are their friends? Who are their enemies?
Who have they previously made a pact with? Have they ever made a blood covenant? What price are they paying for juvenile foolishness?
For where you're going you might be forced to choose.
Them? Or Destiny?
If you're afraid to choose, still you've made a choice.
NO LOOSE ENDS, my child. Some exes are like your shadow. They will never go away.
NO LOOSE ENDS!
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2
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You've never seen 50k in your life and I admire that you're pushing for financial independence. Your friends have brought you onboard a deal that has the potential for millions of naira.
They say it's a walk in the park. It's legal, with a few moral grey areas you don't need to worry about. They say it's all handled. Keep calm and in 3 months, you'll all be sipping piña coladas on the beaches of Puerto Rico.
Your hunger has blindsided you my child. Your desire has you in a headlock and now you're unable to objectively take a closer look at everyone in the room, or you'd see that you're the sucker - the fall guy.
You think they're trying to help you, but you're their insurance plan, the fall guy. If it all goes bust, they'll all unite and say you're the mastermind and they were your employees.
You won't escape prison, my child. You don't have the deep pockets that they do. You won't be able to purchase justice at its current price tag.
Leave them, my child.
NO LOOSE ENDS!
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3
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Your life is boring, my child. I see that and I know. You're 16 years old - young and energetic. You believe you could be doing more with your life than Quadratic Equations and honestly, I agree.
You can indeed be doing more, but not at that party, my child. I've lived a very interesting life for long enough to know that only bad outcomes are obtainable there.
You think I don't know you, my child but I do. You're mostly me, so let me tell you about the party that has not yet happened.
In attendance will be other kids who have lied to their parents about their whereabouts. In the liberating atmosphere, they'll appear to be having fun.
You're a good kid, I know. So was I, but I've learned never to underestimate the power of bad company. You'll walk in on some sexual activity. Your moral compass is still in its formative years and will not be able to fully understand what constitutes 'CONSENT'.
You'll be coerced by your friends to join in. The peer pressure you thought you were better than will cut you down at the knees and that event will BRAND YOU FOR LIFE!
That future hasn't happened yet, so please think again and contemplate whether that fork in the road is worth it all.
NO LOOSE ENDS!
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4
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Run away from a married love interest, my child. They made their choice. Run along and go make yours.
As a single man who gets involved with a married woman, you'll always look over your shoulder. You'll also wonder when she'll repent, give her life to God (or her imagination of God) and confess to her husband.
She might even decide to write a tell-all book to 'inspire' younger females, exposing the stolen bread you enjoyed in private. Your reputation will not survive the aftermath.
As a married woman involved with a single man, do not let new age feminists deceive you, you'll lick your wounds ALONE. You will get pregnant for your lover and present the child as your husband's. He trusts you and won't wonder why the kid didn't take after his large eyes.
After 30 years, your husband will die. At the sharing of his estate, someone will make an accusation. Investigations will be made and aided by modern science, your secret will be exposed.
Hashtags won't save you as you carry trans-generational shame and unnecessary anguish to your grave.
NO LOOSE ENDS!
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FINAL WORDS
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Good people don't finish last, THEY FINISH LASTING!
People will call you boring right now but please trust me and stay on the boring path. In 10 years, they won't be able to afford your company for 10 minutes.
"My son, if sinners entice thee, consent thou not."
- Prov. 1:10
Discipline can be confusingly painful and sometimes saddening, but it is the only path to a life of freedom and unlimited options. You don't know it yet, but that's what you really want.
There are angels around you, my child. They might not look as appealing as you'd prefer, or share your taste in ephemeral pleasures. Raise your level of consciousness and learn to go beneath the container. Learn to value the content.
A man's life does not consist in the abundance of the things that he has, but in the abundance of the things he has done, the people he has touched and the (public & private) battles he has won.
NO LOOSE ENDS!
Always remember this, my child. And you will do, become and have more than I ever could.
NO LOOSE ENDS, my child.
NO LOOSE ENDS.
- J.O.
John Obidi