A Vacation Life

My last post I wrote about a quote that I found that said "My goal is to build a life I don't need a vacation from" by Robert Hill Sr. This has completely thrown my happy and content life a bit sideways. While I will never doubt that my life I live right now is not wonderful and very fulfilling because it really is. But after reading this quote it had me thinking about areas of my life I just push through in order to allow the best parts of my life over shadow the rest. My job is the one that comes to mind first.

If you have seen any of my post you will know that I have the best family that life could ever give. I am truly blessed to have my husband and son, along with the rest of our immediate families, we are just as blessed to have such a supportive team that always has our back and hearts. We have friends we go, see and do things with that are quality friends, who genuinely care about us, our son and we feel the same for them. Our social needs are completely met by all of this.

I love our home. It's not the two story gray brick, located in the suburban neighborhood I had always dreamed about owning and raising our son in. But the home has so many features that allow Caleb, Brad and I to have our own personal space for our own hobbies we enjoy. We can invite people over with no worries of parking issues or crowded living room. It's comfortable, organized, clean and very inviting. I have it decorated in light colors to keep the airy-ness, very transitional pieces and loads of family pictures and mementos that will allow any visiting stranger know our life story. It's a place we all love to be and so many others love it there as well. So in a sense, this is my dream home, just doesn't look quite like it did in my original dreams. The neighborhood is not the cookie cutter, landscaped, full of kids, suburbia that I had like my childhood. Instead it houses some noisy but down to earth honest neighbors. None of the kids are Caleb's age and that is a bit of a bummer, but Caleb has family and friends that are close enough to have come visit on a regular basis. While I have no doubt in my mind that I will eventually get my two story home in my suburban neighborhood, I am not too concerned if it never comes either. So in a very large nut shell, I do have my dream home that I love. Therefore, our safe housing needs are met.

The hubs and I make an average income and have a fairly low debt ratio to the income. We have an emergency savings that could tackle most major issues, although I am working at raising that because I am a worry wart when it comes to emergencies. I would love to say we live below our means, and for the most part our expenses are really below our income. BUT we might have some spending issues that we should try to be more aware of. And that is an area I personally would like to work on being better at for myself. We both have retirements and actively invest in them each month and Caleb has his own allowance that he takes a quarter of and saves for his future car purchase. So as far as money, we live a mostly financially secure life and have those needs met.

I have met most of the Maslow's hierarchy of needs such as physiological, safety and security and love and belonging. The two I seem to be be missing is esteem and self-actualization. Basically the ones that say you love and respect yourself (self esteem) and meeting your inner potential or reflecting your creativity and having a sense of accomplishment in your life.

While I feel I have accomplished things in my life that I am proud of, they were not all my doing. My greatest accomplishments revolve around my marriage to my husband and our son. And both of those include other people making those parts of my accomplishments great. I don't know if "finding my fulfillment" has been accomplished my me quite yet.

For the esteem, well, that's a "no brain-er" for me. I don't have much self esteem. I actually don't think I ever had much. Self esteem has always been based upon how I look, what goals I have accomplished and how much money I make. Ironically, even when I looked my best and made the most, I was still never happy with myself. And, I am not sure of many goals, off hand, I have accomplished yet either. Honestly, I am afraid to go after any large goal, for fear of failing.

Maybe self esteem is something else entirely for me, I'm not quite sure actually. Even though I get compliments on being a great mom and quite regularly, I never take the compliment in its entirety. I always have the burning thought in the back of my mind that one says things just to make another feel better, not necessarily speaking the truth.

So here I am, stumped again as to how to achieve this "vacation life". While I will still say, until I turn blue in the face, that my life is really great and if I was to die tomorrow, I'd die very happy. But, I still don't know if I have some sort of purpose in life that I have not yet found.

Now that my head is aching about finding my life's purpose, I think I will end the post here. I am sure this is a bunch of nonsense ramblings to most, but sometimes you gotta get it all out of your system, in hopes of shedding some light on this game called Life.

Thanks for stopping by, and if you read all the way to the bottom of this well then THANK YOU, YOU ARE AWESOME!! :)

-Kim