To Be Or Not To Be In Love

It was love at first sight but it lasted for a long time, actually it has already been 10 years ever since I fell in love with her but I have yet to tell her about my feelings. Each day my feelings grew stronger and the more I spent my time with her, the bigger distraction she became.

I don't know how I ended up like this. Why didn't I searched for any other girl who was more beautiful than her? smarter and more mature?... Well, actually I did found one but I only ended up creating an awkward relationship with her because I didn't want to accept that I had a crush on her. I wasn't willing when I fell in love with that other girl. It was like, I fell in love with her without knowing I already did. Anyway, making the long story short, nothing bloomed and we just became friends... awkward... friends.

I found myself wondering at one point, "do I still love her?" After all, the first time I laid my eyes on her I have already decided to myself that I will love her even if she doesn't me back the same way I do with her. All I cared about was her happiness. Whether it be I scold her or make her feel angry at me, I did those things thinking that she shouldn't be spoiled too much. I wanted her to always have a humble, cheerful and calm personality... because that's when I get to see her smile. Oh her smile that always melts my heart away, that takes away my stress but at the same time gives me more trouble because I get distracted too much, and it's not worth it... but still that smile...

[ Sorry I was supposed to put a picture of a smiling girl here but it didn't quite capture what I've seen in reality ;) ]

Nowadays, we don't see each other quite as often as we did before and somethings were changing bit by bit. I was late to noticed it. Slowly, what once was a close relationship, little by little the distance between us widened. The usual "hello, hi" and "goodbye" suddenly disappeared, and I became nothing but someone who only knew her. She doesn't talk to me like she used to and I don't get to hear her usual stories about her problems in life. I see her talking with other people with a happier expression but when she's alone she's always frowning.

I had no trouble with her talking with other people and being happy about it. What troubles me is that she's always frowning and whenever I ask her what was wrong, she'd always say that she was stressed. I asked what was stressing her but she wouldn't tell.

As of today, I'm still waiting, patiently enduring the pain in my heart whenever she passes me by and whenever I see her frowning from the distance. Until the time is right, when the fruit is finally ready for the picking, I will do what I must to make her happy again, with the help of God. I will keep praying for her happiness, I'll keep asking what's she going through, I'll be greeting her again every time we meet and then saying goodbye before she leaves, before my time runs out, before she leaves and never comes back again after for who knows how long when. I'll do everything I can as long as she is still within my reach, God willing.

Cheer me up by commenting about "What else can I do to make her happy?" :). I hope you enjoyed listening to my inner thoughts :3

Please don't forget to upvote and I hope you stay tuned to "akome254, the me within me..."

Thank you very much! ^ ^

Image sources:
https://www.news-medical.net/news/20170619/Broken-heart-syndrome-may-cause-permanent-damage.aspx
https://happyteenyears.wordpress.com/2015/05/25/im-no-good-my-crush-rejected-me-part-two-for-girls/
https://www.themodernman.com/blog/how-to-avoid-awkward-silences-in-a-conversation.html
https://bestlovesms.in/sad-bewafa-shayari-in-hindi-for-gf/
https://hiveminer.com/Tags/frowning%2Csmiling/Timeline