Know what I realized? The more cynical I get, the happier I am.

Effectively, I've gained more happiness and success in my life by becoming a cynical asshole who doubts everything that's supposedly good for me.

Cynical, right?

But it's through getting burnt, getting scammed and being taken advantaged of that made me this way. 

It's merely protecting myself. 

I call bullshit on people who claim that their happiness and success come from opening up to others and being a positive weirdo who loves life to the fullest and all that.

Here are a bunch of examples where my cynicism gets triggered and makes my eyes roll so much that it's a wonder I am not blind yet

1) When people praise the shit out of me 

And they don't even know me well. Like this dude:

Truly, when someone praises me in ultra generic terms without knowing me well or what kind of work I do, I just know they're buttering me up to gain something from me. 

Boom! First eye roll!

Does someone keep singing your praises even though they hardly know you? Be extremely wary. Some people do that just to make use of you.

2) When people keep using business buzzwords 

"Synergy."

"Let's touch base."

"Catalyst for change."

"Cutting edge."

"Game-changer."

"Win-win" (One proposal I received once had a dude writing entire paragraphs on elaborating his win-win. He literally created a header that stated, "How This Would Benefit You 100% With You Not Putting In Any Work At All.)

Oh my god! It goes on! Eye roll!

Be wary of people using buzzwords. It just shows they can't use simple words to push their message across, which is an essential factor in language command, or human decency.

3) When people insist on meeting when everything can be communicated via text or online

I've no fucking clue why certain people like meeting up in person or engage in a video call if we are not in the same country just to yep, touch base.

Okay sure, you can probably explain shit better in person. That's perfectly fine.

But to not be able, and even refuse to give a clear, succinct summary of who you are or what you are about from the get-go and still insist that a meetup is needed?

That's manipulative. That also reeks of a complete lack of confidence. I wish I knew this earlier for I must have wasted weeks of my life getting out of the house to meet idiots who talk shit all day and I still have no clue what they are about. And I never will because they didn't even bother to follow up.

Ugh. Eye roll.

Your time is precious. Be very clear first before you leave the house. Ask what you want to ask immediately online.

4) When people insist that they're right because they read it from the internet

In a world of fake news today, trashy journalism and lynch mob mentality among internet users, it's sad that people reject real world experience for bullshit they read online instead.

And then they bombard you with it. Then they say that you're wrong because their article beats your article.

Eyes rolling off the sockets.

Your experience and memories will never lie to you. Read all you like and learn, but make your own decisions. It's good to have a curious mindset, but please be humble about it.

5) When people talk about conspiracy theories

Eyes still rolling from above.

If your life is only about conspiracy theories, you have no life at all and I can bet that you're lost in your own irony, like how you think big corporations are controlling us, but you willingly buy their products anyway.

6) When your boss says there's going to be yet another meeting

Most meetings are just useless a fuck! 

Eye roll, but discreetly so as to not appear rude.

The only life lesson here is that really, most meetings are ultimate time-wasters. If you disagree, it means you haven't attended enough of'em.

7) When all them hustlers, grinders and startup entrepreneurs scream, "No excuses!"

We get it. You jack off to Gary Vaynerchuk's videos and quotes. Good for you!

No excuses here but to give an eye roll myself.

Sometimes, there are excuses. They're call reasons. And for some of us, we don't work by the "no excuses" mantra. Work hard, but work hard at your own pace; your own style.

Besides, if you sacrifice your health, both physical and mental just for work, that's just dumb.

8) When you wake up in the morning, surf a little on Instagram and one of your friends post some video or inspirational quote and then say some stupid like, "Good morning! Aren't Mondays great?! Life is good. Let's be grateful today!"

Eye roll in bed and I don't want to wake up.

Sometimes life is shit. Why? Because we have good days and then we have bad days. All these "love life to the fullest" weirdos are making the rest of us think that there's something wrong with us if we aren't happy. 

Fuck that. Live life your own way. Compare yourself with others and you're going to have a bad time.

9) When someone's idea of helping you is sending positive thoughts and energy your way

Truly, I think that many people today have deluded themselves into thinking that they're like comic book super heroes who have the power to help others and change the world.

The only thing is that their power is sending positive thoughts and energy across the world and they don't even realize that it's useless as fuck.

Sending neurons to my eyes so they can eye roll.

Please stop this. Just do something real. Or heck, just say, "I am sorry I can't be there now. But if you ever need a listening ear, I am here for you." It's way better.

10) When people humblebrag on social media about how they had to overcome immense obstacles in their lives when really, they're just putting up a cheesy story so you can click on that shit to check out what they're selling

Anti-climatic eye roll!

Let me just break down the damn formula for you:

They were born poor or had no educational background.

They were in debt at one point.

They hated their job and always wanted to make money from their passion.

They quit their job or "fired their boss."

They were super scared.

But they got over the fear by getting out of their comfort zones.

They now live happily ever after and make five to six figures a month.

You gotta pay whatever the fuck it is they're selling to fill in the gaps in the story so you can achieve the same success!

Oh and they claim they don't do it for the money. They just want to help others.

If you come across such a story, trust me, it's all a fucking scam. A truly successful person who's rich in his or her own way won't waste their time writing a shitty story for you. 

11) And what they sell is always a system on how they can teach you how to make money or create a business doing what you love

I've said it many times before and I'll gladly say it again:

People who make money by teaching others how to make money are scammers.

People whose business is based on teaching others how to create the same type of business are also scammers.

It's a paradox that will never work out for you, the unwitting customer. It will only make them money for it's a thinly-veiled multi-level marketing, pyramid scheme that profits the ones above.

Eye fucking roll on a roll!

Please do not buy any type of bullshit like this. You must be kidding yourself if you think you're going to become rich for the rest of your life just by spending some bucks on a shady system. If it was that easy, then anyone can work a shitty job, earn a month's pay, buy said system and become rich.

12) When pretentious people do that annoying, "Yep! I was just testing you all along!"

In other words, they try to appear really smart and helpful when they actually don't know shit. And they're usually just making shit up along the way.

Classic example: I once paid a dude to 'mentor' me in making money online. Ugh. How naive and stupid of me. He didn't reply one of my emails once. I wrote him another.

Lo and behold, his reply started with, "I was testing your initiative dude! I am glad you wrote in again! You passed the test!"

Oh my fucking god! Eye roll!.

A person who truly wants to guide you will want the best for you. Sure, some tasks may be difficult and challenging, but if you hit a point where your so-called superiors start to act shady as fuck, go back on their word and do stupid shit that make no sense, it's time to stop doubting yourself and realize the people around you are really just idiots.

13) When people tell you about their relationship problems and then they get angry when you tell them the truth

The truth mostly being is that they're the ones who fucked up in the first place.

Face it, both you and I know it's extremely common today, just like how people indulge in infidelity non-stop.

They come crying to you for advice, but they get angry when you give it to them straight.

The thousandth eye roll.

Some people can't accept the truth about who they are. In this case, don't even bother anymore. Like the eye roll, walk away, even if they're your friends. Let them fuck up and learn from their own mistakes.

14) When we all could have just stopped wasting time and realize that it's all about the balance

I found this Twitter thread and I agree with it with all my heart. It's funny too. This was what started it all:

Right? Right?

The all-encompassing, double eye roll!

I roll my eyes whenever I hear someone say it or read about it.

Because it's so cliched.

Yet, it's the truth. You gotta roll your eyes at yourself then for not adhering to its, wait for it... core values.

Life has no black or white answers. You just gotta do shit, live life and find out what's working for you.

I guess.

Whatever.

I am too cynical to want to listen to others anymore anyway. Neither do I care what you think about this article.

Bye.