My Ex is Trying to Prevent Me from Seeing My Son...

Thanks so much for the kind words @brutledge!
I am hoping for 50/50 custody, which is what I think our son wants and deserves.
I wish the best for you and your family as well (:

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2 votes

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rpgbuilders (53) · 6 years ago

Thoughts and prayers for you to be able to see your son again.

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alexvanaken (66) · 6 years ago

Thank you so much... I made this post literally a couple minutes ago and you already found it and shared some kind words. I really appreciate it so much! ❤️ I am not worried about losing the case, I am mainly worried that it will just take too long (I was told these things can take 6+ months 😞). Have a nice day!

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1 vote

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rpgbuilders (53) · 6 years ago

I often browse the new posts see if there’s anything like. Wouldn’t say I really liked your post, but I’m also a father so I can relate. Trying to save my marriage atm🤦‍♂️. So just fearing this kind of stuff in the future. Good luck, hope it doesn’t take 6 months.

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alexvanaken (66) · 6 years ago

Thanks... She told me 1,000 times "Let's just break up" while were still together. Now she is spamming out-of-context text screenshots onto this post and claiming "she tried to make it work", when it was her idea to break up and it was her who was constantly bring it up while I tried to make it work... I hope there is some love left in your relationship because my ex was just faking it the whole time or else we would still be together : /

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rpgbuilders (53) · 6 years ago

Some people, always trying to make themselves look good. It stinks that 50% of marriages end in divorce. It’s a crap shoot really. There is a lot of love between my wife and I. Her life is just changing drastically. I got lazy in our relationship, we both made a lot of mistakes. Plus I swooped her up when she was only 18, so she feels like she missed out on stuff. We are in therapy and I’m betting on us more than against. But still trying to get things together in case of a “worse case” scenario.

Nice to “meet” you. See you around Steemit. I’ll be looking for some good news.

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alexvanaken (66) · 6 years ago

Thanks for the well wishes, right back atcha, and it's nice to meet you too!
I think anything is possible if both people put equal effort into it...

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1 vote

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whatsup (75) · 6 years ago

I hope the 2 of you can work this out with out including the court system as you lose all flexibility after that happens and have to work with the court schedules.

If it is going to go to court, I like your attitude. Try not to panic over the short term picture and follow your long term strategy. It is highly unlikely as you mentioned that she would be able to win full custody. My experience is usually these things are done hoping for a fearful reaction to a temporary situation.

I have a red flag also when you say, two days ago you were telling her you wanted her back. Also, check yourself and make sure you aren't being stalky.

Remain calm and focused on your son's long-term best interest.

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alexvanaken (66) · 6 years ago

Me too... But she has already filed this in the courts and told me to never contact her again : /

Thanks for the positivity, @whatsup!!!

I am definitely not being stalky lol, I mainly wanted to get back together so our son wouldn't grow up in a broken home.

It's safe to say I really don't want to talk to her or see her ever again...

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3 votes

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whatsup (75) · 6 years ago

I find that men who are being stalky often don't realize it.
No need to convince me just check yourself.

:) best of luck. It's in everyone's best interest if your details are accurate that you all work together for this little human.

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alexvanaken (66) · 6 years ago

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Reveal Comment

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streetstyle (72) · 6 years ago

Hello @alexvanaken I have been fortunate not to have gone through what you are currently going through, although I have been threatened with such ideas in the past and my kids now live over 1 1/2 hours away, and more when there is traffic. Again, luckily for me, my kids are mostly grown now, and they have learned to deal with out current situation. I don't think they have suffered too badly but suffered they have, as I am sure all of us in this odd little family of ours have.

You are both young and have much living to do, and now have a beautiful child to co-parent. IF I may, I just suggest trying not to air out her dirty laundry for none of us are perfect or will be. It might be something that eventually your child might even see in the future since the blockchain is immutable, and it could be hurtful.
I learned that when I start talking about someone else in a bad way, to flip the script and talk about myself instead, and consider my defects. It usually diffuses things for me.
Instead contemplate on the positives, you have a wonderful son, he loves you, you love him, you are alive, you have a job that lets you work while having your son, you have your health, you have Steem and you have US!!
I sincerely hope things work out for the best for all three of you, you all deserve it, no matter what, whether you are together or not. Just remember that now it isn't just about you, you and her but about the three of you, for the rest of your lives.

I hope I didn't overstep my boundaries here. Take care, good luck and seems like you got this, just needed to vent a little, which we all can understand.

Take care Alex.

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alexvanaken (66) · 6 years ago

Thank you, @streetstyle for sharing your story and the upvote. You are right, this post was mainly for venting. Unfortunately, I saw this as necessary. When I was a kid, I grew up with divorced parents and I would always wonder WHY i could never find out the truth... The truth of why my life was so hard, why their lives were so hard, and frankly why the family just felt like a broken mess... I am not the kind of guy to hide the truth from anybody. When my son asks me this same question in the future, I won’t hesitate to let him know it was her who not only destroyed our relationship, but destroyed our communication, and caused this mess with the court system.

She lost me my only friend her in town (which is why I texted her those angry things that she posted here out of context). He was really my best friend and she got him angry and me and also got HIS friends and business partners angry at him as well. Within 24 hours of causing me to lose my friend, she causes me to lose my son (temporarily). That to me is a sign of a cold-blooded savage. She has no remorse for anything she does and she never apologizes for anything because she claims to never have done anything wrong and just blames other people. I really wish it hadn’t come to this, but this was the choice she made, for us to be enemies instead of co-parents. I was really going above and beyond being a parent, having our son while she would go out and do ANYTHING, any extra curricular activities she wanted to do, I would drop everything to watch our son just so she could enjoy herself. This is because I am a very loving and thoughtful guy until I am completely betrayed by somebody, at which point I have no problem revealing the truth about what happened.

I hope this doesn’t seem too harsh to anybody, because it is what it is, and it’s just all-around unfortunate and I didn’t ask for it to happen and surely our son didn’t ask for it either. She will likely call me abusive in court (due to those texts) however she was just as abusive if not more, to me, during our actual relationship. She is truly a perfectionist in the worst way and would yell at me over any imperfection in the house (dishes, laundry, you name it). It’s unfortunate that she chooses to be this way but it is ultimately her life to live. With all this being said, anybody with 1 synapse and some brain juice will know a kid needs both his parents, which is where she made the greatest mistake, claiming this is in his best interests. Right now, he probably has zero of his parents, since she has to communicate and strategize with lawyers and I am unable to see him. Which means he is probably with her parents, wondering where his parents are and why things are changing. He was just getting used to our schedule and then she ripped that away from him and now he is likely confused and scared. I don’t think that is right at all, and I think it will take the courts a matter of seconds to see that. I am glad that you didn’t have to go thru the courts but it still sucks you have to drive that far to pick up your kids, that really sucks. Again, thanks for everything and I really appreciate feeling like I have some friends here on this blockchain (:

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1 vote

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dazedconfused11 (58) · 6 years ago

Bro with love and respect, I encourage you to take this down and keep things like this hush hush. Public notes will only hurt you I'd imagine. She's a rational person, prolly just stressed which happens to us all in life. My advice, give her a day or two, maybe a week. Then calmly explain lawyers are a waste of money and figure out a real compromise. Identify points of frustration for you both and avoid em or overcome them. Remember, gotta give a little to get a little. Plus it'll be best for the munchkin if y'all can be civil by yourselves without arbitration. It won't be easy but you're both kind and smart individuals, you'll figure it out. Best of luck good sir! 🙏✌️

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alexvanaken (66) · 6 years ago

She has already stopped talking to me and hired a lawyer. There is no going back now unfortunately, and this is what she chose. We had excellent cooperation and she completely threw it out the window. She won't text me back or reply back on Steem. So it is up to her to change or somebody else to get her to change because she won't even talk to me. There is nothing in this post that will hurt me. But I appreciate you trying to look out... Maybe you could try talking to her. Because she is completely avoiding me and illegally keeping my child from me. At this point, I am the one obeying the law and she is the one breaking it. I am not at fault and have a right to see my son in the state of Colorado...

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dazedconfused11 (58) · 6 years ago

Worry not friend, things will work out. It's a game of patience I assure yah. There is always time to take the high road brother man. Look at Mandela he spent 25+ years in prison and still held true. You can figure this out. I promise, where there's a will, there is a way! I'd guess that your patience, empathy, and frankly all the emotions will be tested for you on such a journey! I hope you choose empathy and patience over the easier choices of anger and resentment 🙏🙏 it'll be a real challenge, you got this tho!

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alexvanaken (66) · 6 years ago

She can call me abusive and I can't point out all the things she is? I guess I don't understand the logic behind that... She is abusive and so much more. Everything in this post is true and she makes a post that says "everything in his post is not true" with no details to back it up... If you have faith in HER changing, please reach out to her. Because right now she is breaking the law and keeping my son from me. I hate her so much for that and will never forgive her for abusing me and my state-given rights to see my child. There is literally no reason that gave her a good excuse to do this. And the courts will see that if she doesn't back down and just let us have the strict schedule we already had. There were literally zero issues and then she made an issue by breaking the law.

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dazedconfused11 (58) · 6 years ago

Easy logic, for yah on that one man. An Eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. - Ghadi

I said the easy emotions would be anger and resentment, I meant it bro. You gotta let it slide. Find empathy and compassion for the other perspective. Here is the brutal truth >> If someone is abusing you stop interacting with em. If you must interact, set boundaries. Hold em to these limits. Move on. Forgive and forget. Release the tension in healthy ways, join a gym, go boxing or something.

Fuck the state and your given rights by the state. Solve this yourself with kindness, empathy, compassion, apologies, and taking the higher road. It won't be easy but bro I'm gunning for yah to do it right! I know you can and deep down it won't be easy but you can!!!

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dazedconfused11 (58) · 6 years ago

And I'd be happy to help speak to either of you but your a homie and from one homie to another, delete this, all this, apologize and be patient. You got this bro.

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alexvanaken (66) · 6 years ago

Please text her. Other people reaching out to HER (not me-- I am not depriving her of her child) is the only thing that can reverse this. She doesn't give a shit about me.

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dazedconfused11 (58) · 6 years ago

Bro give it time, patience. A few days at least and then start with a sincere apology. I promise it'll work better than this and I also promise it'll challenge you so you can grow from it too, double bonus.

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alexvanaken (66) · 6 years ago

Bro I am powerless. If I go to her place and try to get my son, she will call the cops on me. If you had a son you would know how that feels. I have literally no options, I can't do shit. You are telling me to just sit around and wait for her to change and she is not the kind of person to just change. She is the type of person to do drastic things like this.

You are saying I should set boundaries for our interactions... She has me BLOCKED. I don't think you are understanding how powerless I am to her right now. She is the only one that can change this, and she is showing no signs of even thinking about it.

Please text her man, there is nothing I can do about her actions other than sit and wait for me to be able to see my son which is the worst feeling in the world.

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dazedconfused11 (58) · 6 years ago

Well I can only give so much advice you seem apt not to take. You aren't powerless. You have the power to be polite, be respectful, be thankful, be grateful, be sorry, be apologetic, be helpful, be considerate, and so much more. You choose to not or to do. That's your choice man. Flowers + a sincere apology note would of worked 100X better than this post.

Here is some real talk >> Mano y Mano. You need to not be mean to the mother of your child. Respect. Remember she did spend 9 months literally with your child inside her belly! That's the mother of your child bro. You don't talk about your kid's mom in a bad way. Ever. Period. And if someone else does>>> you should go whoop their ass bc THAT'S YOUR KID'S MOM! Something a wise man taught me, who was divorced and hated his ex but still showed respect for his kid's momma.

Now, you should therefore delete this post. Quit crying about being powerless and do something about it. Which I recommend doing something is find your patience and ask for forgiveness in a week. Seems you been bugging bro, so who knows what damage you've already done. Chill for now. Be grateful your kid is safe, healthy and close by relatively. Rest assured you'll see em again soon. Just chill till then and for real try to deploy some empathy!

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alexvanaken (66) · 6 years ago

Dude she was threatening to call the police on me if I even called her again. You would get somebody flowers after they threaten you like that? I can't ask her anything, the communication has been totally cut off by her... Do you get that? I have NO options except to just chill like you said. You can't delete posts after they are a few minutes old and even if I edit this, the original copy will still be on the blockchain for people to see.