The monster inside the head.

She'd been going downhill for months, her mood becoming more eratic as time went by. I was now at the point when I didn't know what I'd find from hour to hour when I went into the room, not just day to day. She just couldn't cope anymore and I'd had to leave work to look after her and the kids.

For years she'd had bouts of depression and courses of anti-depresents always got her back on track but this time was different. She was either so low she just slept, eating and drinking because I sat there to make her or her mind flying, unable to sleep as her thoughts raced. I knew my wife, we'd been married for over ten years but sometimes I entered our bedroom to be met by a stranger. The doctors tried but were of no help, we couldn't tell them everything as my wife feared they'd take the kids away. The cuts and suicidal thoughts we kept to ourselves, the full extent of how bad she was hidden.

Then on one of her better days she called me upstairs and told me to watch a video on her laptop she had found on youtube. I found myself listening to an American woman talking about her life and the boxes fell into place. She was discribing my wife through her own life, now we had to make the doctors see what the real problem was.

So I got books from the library and found articles online, I started a mood diary, made graphs to show at a glance how her mood switched constantly. Evidence in hand we returned to the doctors and got a referal to see a mental health specialist. I read and learnt as much as I could absorb about her condition. When we finally got to see the specialist we went in with a folder full of evidence, everything I had read that would be needed. I told them at the first appointment my wife had Bipolar depression and was rapid cycling but was told to not jump the gun. My evidence was glanced at and dismissed and it was almost two years before the specialist doctor finally agreed. By then mood stablisers had stopped the rapid cycling so while still low my wife could to a degree function.

The help we recieved during this time was a ten minute appointment every couple of months to review the meds.

There was and is a lack of everyday support out there, unless things get to crisis point. As for the carers of family members with serious mental health condictions...

We don't even get a ten minute meds review every couple of months.