"Do You Want To Die?" He yelled at me...

It was already past 2 Months...

...that's when I travelled down to see her in the hospital, I had been seeking permission from work in other to leave, but wasn't granted on time.

When I arrived, I was told it was a psychiatric hospital she was admitted to. I had never been to one before, I only heard people talk about it. Upon hearing this information, my nervous system began reacting, worries kicked in and also every negative thought you can imagine began bombarding my mind.

In this mood I left my cousin's house where I had settled from the journey for the hospital - we lived in another town about 3 hours away, when driving. There are no hospitals that could help the mentally ill in my home town.

So, I left my cousin's house with the address they gave on "routing" my way to the hospital. It was a little difficult to locate it since I'm not very used to the town. But I also leveraged on strangers by asking questions, which they gladly responded to.

Upon reaching the hospital, I located the reception where I was then directed to the ward where they had kept her, the buildings here where separate from each other.

I had brought food along with me, and some gift items. At the entrance, the nurse there asked me who I wanted to see, and I told her. She also asked what I was carrying, I replied "I brought food for her, and some gifts". She then asked me to taste the food - they do this check in order to avoid food poisoning.

Afterwards, I was asked to take a seat while they call the patient...

I waited for about 5minutes, and while waiting, I was still feeling nervous, troubled, and shocked. The environment, seeing and hearing the displeasing noise of people who where almost, completely mentally derailed put my mind in a depressed state.

I thought I had completely won the war over my low self-esteem, but I had just found out I was only starting.

While reminiscing, I heard a door opened, behold the nurse and my Mom were approaching me, where I was seated...

As they came close...

...dear friend!

I beheld the most shocking experience of my life at the time. My Mom had completely lost it, she had loosed all her weight, she's normally a healthy person with so much flesh. But this time she had become thinner than an HIV patient.

I looked at her, her lips were vibrating like a ringing phone, she couldn't recognize her son. As she came closer, I hugged her and said in my heart "it shall be well". We sat down, and I admonished her for a while.

It was almost clocking 5pm, my time was up, and I needed to leave. Outwardly I seemed strong and vibrant, but inwardly I had been possessed with negative energies from worry, fear, stress etc.

While going back home (to my cousin's house) something happened on the way that made me to make a decision that turned my life around.

There are no town services around that went directly from the hospital to the house, so one would have to take different drops (commercial vehicles). I took the first taxi which dropped me at the next bus-top I was to enter another vehicle. By this time, I was still overwhelmed and engulfed in what seemed like a dream to me.

Here's where things almost went sour. As I was dropped, I needed to cross the road to the other side where I could take the next vehicle. I wasn't fully conscious of myself at this time, and I did not know I was already in the middle of the road, walking slowly like a millipede.

While crossing the road, I neither looked left nor right, and the next thing I heard was a car horn which almost gave me heart attack. The the driver popped out through his window and screamed at me... "do you want to die?"...

I realized that what I had been watching in movies do really happen in real life.

Since 2015, when this occurred I started my study and research on the human mind, I hate that feeling of being lost in thoughts, that feeling of low self-esteem, that feeling of consistent worry.

My Dad came for a meeting in the same town my Mom was admitted, and we spoke on phone, but he refused coming to see. I almost disowned my father because of this, I never wanted to see him again, like forever.

To be continued...

Thanks for reading.

PS: This is a true life story of depression. If I've got the time, I'd continue with it.

Photo Credit: lexonart instagram

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