Break The Circle

I was born and raised in an eastern European country. I didn't have the perfect childhood.. Nothing too dramatical but let's say it has always been my fault that the world was falling apart. I am coming from a place where every aunt, uncle, cousin and so on had the right to point a finger at you and express their strong opinion about how you should live life.

In my head, the escape plan was not only leaving my home, but my country. So... I ended up moving to another continent.

It was a difficult move... especially only two months after my father's dead. I left my mother be alone in a world I hated myself..

I knew that on my way to the freedom I desired, I would face many difficulties. That thought was making me feel somehow brave though. But Brave wasn't the only feeling I was carrying with me. My good old friend Blame followed me.

I will not go through my entire story of how I managed to survive here - I will simply say that as it usually happens in most peoples lives there was lots of falling, standing up, falling again, standing up and so on and so on.

Time was passing.. life was passing and I finally got the freedom I desired.. I still didn't experience the feeling I was expecting - happiness.

There was always still something that bothered me and I was never able to explain what.. and that was leading to blame myself for not knowing whats wrong.. I just knew it is not normal and somehow I was sure it is my fault. What a circle..a?

Nothing was making sence at the point.. Why would I dream and why would I desire beautiful things in life since after I fight hard and I get them I would not get happiness and satisfaction.

I asked myself: what's the purpose of live? Are some people just born to be sad no matter how hard they fight for happiness..?

Depression was all over my live.. and here is the moment when it felt like there is no escape and that is the bottom... weight gain... huuuuuge WEIGHT GAIN..

So here naturally comes another "What's wrong with me" question. First I thought it is the stress.. but how it could be the stress since people usually lose weight under stress, not gain it.. or at least that was all I knew about weight changes because of stress.

Blame, hunger, deeper depression, more weight gain.. never ever stoping circle. I was reading blogs, watching youtube videos of happy people following just those 5 or 10 simple rules of how to loose weight easy and forever... but somehow that wasn't working for me. ANYTHING was not working for me. The only change the scale was showing was digits going up.

Somehow I didn't give up and I decided to give a try to a low carb, high fat diet - called KETO! All blogs and youtube channels ware about how easy it is and how losing weight is simply guaranteed.

For a big surprise for those of you who already know what KETO is - I GAINED WEIGHT! No I wasn't doing anything wrong if that is your next suggestion.

So few months ago I hit the bottom. I withdraw myself from any kind of activities related to leaving the house and meeting with people. I entered another circle. Wake up, go to work, get home, eat, cry, feel sorry about myself, blame everyone and everything, go to bed.. repeat!

And one day I finally realized that I had to look for help outside youtube. WOW such a discovery for my foggy brain.. So I went to a doctor.

I left the doctor with a prescription for Bupropion XL!!! An antidepressant that was going to solve all my problems- my doctor said... the drug will make me social and it has amazing side effect - weight loss!!!! WOW I had a prescription for piece of happiness, I thought...

Long story short - it didn't magically solve my problem.. what a surprise ha?

The day I was prescribed the antidepressants I also did my annual exam. That included some blood tests that came out a week later and according to my doctor I was in perfect shape.

It was true what my doctor said. Everything is in Reference Range.. but thanks to many people that shared their experiences, I found out that my TSH levels ware indicator of under-active thyroid. They ware still in the Reference Range, but in the higher end.

I scheduled an appointment with endocrinologist.

I went to see my endocrinologist and talked to him about how I feel.. the depression, the weight gain.. being on diets and not being able to lower my weight, the fatigue.. I told him about everything..

After running some tests my doctor find out that I have under-active thyroid and Hashimoto's. And here dear friends are the symptoms:

Fatigue and sluggishness
Increased sensitivity to cold
Constipation
Pale, dry skin
A puffy face
Brittle nails
Hair loss
Enlargement of the tongue
Unexplained weight gain
Muscle aches, tenderness and stiffness
Joint pain and stiffness
Muscle weakness
Excessive or prolonged menstrual bleeding (menorrhagia)
Depression
Memory lapses

To find out that I have under-active thyroid and Hashimoto's, my endocrinologist ran those tests:

Thyroxine (T4)
T3 Uptake
Free Thyroxine Index
TSH
Cortisol - AM
Anti-thyroid antibodies (ATA) test

I started taking the prescribed drugs (synthroid 75 mcg ) and I gave the KETO diet another chance. It was recommended by my doctor as well as intermittent fasting.

Since June 2018 I lost 20 lbs (around 9 kg), the fatigue is gone, the depression is gone and couple of days ago my boss told me I am the engine of the team I work on the same project with.

I decided to dedicate my time and help to as much people as I can by providing as much information as I can. I am planning to start a blog containing a lot of information about KETO and intermittent fasting - a lifestyle perfect for EVERYONE who desire health and balance in their lifes!

The goal of this post is not to make you doubt everything your doctor says, but to always listen to your body and find a way to put everything in balance. Life is not always easy but to have the energy to fight for our happiness we first need a healthy body and mind.

Thank you!