" I Appreciated You For Being In My Life. "

IMAGINE you wake up in the middle of the night and suddenly you feel like something is missing. As if you haven’t just slept a few hours but years. As if you have already lived most of your life, but you don’t know where the years have gone. You feel like you’ve missed something. You remember doing something, but you aren’t sure if it was you or just somebody who looks like you. You don’t remember that person. You have changed. Something has changed you. And suddenly you wake up and you notice it for yourself, that you aren’t “you” anymore. That person you remember doing that one thing is not you. You became colder but stronger. You don’t show your kindness to everyone like you use to do. You noticed that you are stronger than you thought. You ask yourself how you haven’t fallen into depression after all you have gone through. You ask yourself how it is possible that you didn’t cry and made a scene at that moment. How is it that you were so cool and calm? Why were you so cool and calm? Who is that person who remained so cool and relax even though, he got hurt? Even though his heart was broken into pieces? Even though he felt like he lost the ground under his feet? How come he didn’t fight back? Why didn’t he just say something, but kept it for himself instead? Why did he keep everything to himself and not let anyone see how hurt he is and what he would have loved to do instead? Why let people think that what happened didn’t affect him that much?

IMAGINE you wake up and you notice that you became someone else. Someone who doesn’t show his feelings. Someone who says what he thinks. Someone who is broken down, but it’s on his feet. Every day he stands up, walks with his head held high as if nothing happened. Someone who PRETENDS.

IMAGINE you wake up and you notice that everything you once did, you do it twice as much. When you pretended to be okay you say that you are great even though you cry yourself into sleep at night. When you didn’t care what people said, you do not care even more right now. And when you never really showed how you felt, you do it even less now. And when you were already lying down on the ground catching the pieces of you heart, trying to put them together, but never all of them because it keeps getting broken, you don’t even try to put them together anymore. But you pretend your heart is whole, you stand every day, you walk with your head held high, as much as you can, you try to smile, but that smile is broken, but no one sees. Your answer of the question “how are you?” is “I am doing just fine”. The only person who knows that you are lying is you.

IMAGINE you wake up and you feel like years have gone by. You didn't just get older by hours but you feel like you got older by years. You feel much older because you are so tired of standing every day and hoping someone will help put these pieces together and trying to keep them together for a long time. That hope is the only thing that makes you wake up every day and stand up.

IMAGINE you wake up and all you see is another day of Pretending, Lying and Fake Smiling. Imagine you wake up and all you see is people that are happy and people who broke you heart. Imagine you wake up and the first thing you see is the person who helped you get the pieces together and put a smile on your face and all the rest is forgotten. The happy people?! You feel happy for them too because you feel it, no Pretending. The people who broke your heart?! You don’t see them anymore because you are busy being happy with the one who put you together. Imagine and one day you will be ready and you will get what you deserve. Imagine and hope every day and every night and don’t let anyone see how broke you are, except for the one who really wants to put you together. How you know who that one is? You will feel it, because you won’t feel the urge to pretend…

You will stop PRETENDING…