The case for Career Suicide as a viable alternative to offing oneself
It's been rough the past couple of months. I joined steemit some 7 months ago but for various reasons couldn't keep in touch. Reasons like not being able to find work and mostly not being able to close deals with perspective clients.
I have been a practicing photographer for about 4 years now and graduated with a degree in design last year. When one does not find work for almost a year and a half one tends to, lets just say be not so happy about life.
Now I will admit that I did use all the money I made here on Steemit , 400 USD to be precise - which is a lot of money in India (specially for the un-employed) to either drink alcohol or to find my way back home !
I wont go as far as saying that I was depressed but I did come very close to offing myself.
To the point where I learnt how to synthesize Ricin and Aubrin. It's a little strange that I am a bit proud of it. Mostly because finding the ingredients can be cumbersome and not to mention that the process inst exactly a cake-walk.
Albert Camus wrote in reference to suicide
An act like this is prepared within the silence of the heart, as is a great work of art.
In the past seven months I have started 3 projects and failed at all of them, the fourth one is almost about to be dead :D
Luckly I got paid to shoot a wedding last month and boy, it was the biggest pay-day of my life. It felt great for a while. But now suddenly everything is a little Bleak - again.
Here's how I will avoid "It" pause my dreams and buy myself some time
Just for the sake of trying and to test the limit of hope and to make life less of a drag. I have set for my self two milestones.
- For the last time, I have applied for job
- Never thought I would but I have enrolled for a Post-grad program.
Both of these are due February 2018. Just enough time to deter myself from taking a long leave of absence. Should even one of these workout, I could , in theory find a purpose and motivation to continue.
On a slightly happier note. I am delighted to see that I have 472 followers, 7 months ago there were about 50 of you.
Now I know that most of the new ones might be bots, but hey it's not like i will ever see the person reading this IRL.
Thats what I like about Steemit. Being a new community it gives me a sense of anonymity.
Which is why I would never share something so personal on Facebook. You dont want your families/friends to "help you though this hard time" - It just tiring and annoying.
Enough of that already.
From tomorrow I ll start writing more socially acceptable stuff along with some of my recent photography.
Feels good to be typing away, after soo long.
Steem on!
