My anxiety is on the track tonight
One of the songs I made during a melancholy moment.
I developed depression in 2015 when I was at the end of my past relationship. Heck! Maybe it was ending due to my anxiety which he can't deal with. Maybe I did have depression at the early age or during college where I can't go to sleep without listening to music. Or if I have something on my mind, I can't sleep until I do what's in my mind. I was manic. Maybe.. I never really have it check out but for sure, I have anxiety which often leads to depression. I love being alone tho' I know it will cause my anxiety to start creeping in.
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Just like tonight, my depression starts sitting proudly on my shoulder. I don't feel like doing anything. To even write this post, it took me 8 hours to finally starting. All I want to do is sleep. Sleep until I need to go out to do something. I know it is severe when I start to hallucinate in between dreams and reality. To be wake up and found out that I'm still alone in this house. I was scrolling thru my pictures, looking for things to write but failed miserably. 10 gigabytes of pictures, not one is good enough for my content tonight. In the end, I decided to just share this.
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It's a fight that I must win. All the time, I told myself, do not give in to the thoughts. When they say, go out, mingle around, they just don't know how hard for me to even get out of bed in the morning. I wish somehow, people would just cheer and congratulate me for waking up early or if they even meet me outside of my house. I don't want to use "anxiety" as a reason for me to not doing anything. God gave me anxiety because I'm stronger and I'm special. I hope whoever reads this, will acknowledge that I am not normal that normal confrontation won't do for me. I know for real why I became like this, a past that I can't change but everything happens for a reason.
Thank you for reading my entry tonight. I love you all! Goodnight!
I know exactly what you mean and feel. While cheerful on outside, we all have our own devil that we have to deal with on daily basis, when I was in uk, Weed was my best companion. Hang in there, there is only one thing that wins it all. Positivity on steroid. Surround yourself with people that could feed you that. Challenge yourself with something new all the time. Steemit is a positive community we can grow with together. #fighting
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I have to agree. Our community here in steemit is one of many reason for me to be active. Everyone is so positive and friendly. Anyway, thank you for understanding. Not much understand really whats going on in this brain when i say i hv those "sickness". It's even harder for me to admit those stuff.
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Hey @angeljames! You are not alone, I, most of the times do feel depressed with my life too — past and present. But, like what you’ve just mentioned, “everything happens for a reason”, I do believe that whatever bad things happened on us must have something good behind it. I just keep that in mind to stay positive. Continue making your life happy by doing whatever you wish to do and explore more! Who knows maybe one day “depression” will no longer haunting your mind. Your are pretty and very talented btw! You go Girl!! 😘
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Thank you @jkipo . I appreciate the encouragement! I hope you too will keep being positive and happy!
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Congratulations on writing this post @angeljames and keep on fighting the depression. I will be in your assist if you need me hahaha.
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Haha! Thank you for reading my mere entry! Thank you for the support.
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