It's an unfortunate fact for many friendships that the good times are occasionally rocky and the bad times are sometimes breathtakingly ugly. However, there is a bright side to all of this which is that friendships aren't always about sunshine and smiles. A friendship can be as ugly and terrible as you make it, but it doesn't have to be this way.
If your friendship is not heading in a good direction it's important to find out what is causing it to be this way. When you think about it from this angle, isn't it obvious? The bad and the ugliness of friendship stems from personal conflicts between two people. In other words, when the good the bad and the ugliness of friendship is happening is because one person is doing something the other person does not approve of. When both parties agree that they will not do this action and yet nothing is being done to stop them, then that action is crossing the line.
Sometimes the good the bad and the ugliness of friendship can stem from sexual tension between two people. At least, that was my experience. I remember feeling so angry and betrayed when one of my best friends started dating someone I didn't know very well. I felt like such a traitor for not standing by my friend who was already falling in love with this man while she had a boyfriend.
When this happened to me it changed everything for me. Suddenly, I had to be the friend who stood up for my friend who was being threatened and attacked by someone I didn't know. I had to be the "principal" in the friendship and not let anyone talk me into changing my mind or backing off because it wasn't good enough. That's what friendship is all about, standing up for someone in the face of opposition.
The good the bad and the ugliness of friendship is also about tolerating differences. My friend who was getting rocks kicked in her face started standing up for her beliefs even when it wasn't popular. She never liked to be in the spotlight but she knew she had to be there if she wanted to have a chance of repairing the damage. I appreciated her approach because I needed to do the same. I didn't like the fact that she was being attacked by a complete stranger but it was part of her plan. She would hurt me and then force me to be the "good guy" by standing up for her in the "good" light.
That's why I ended up writing a book to help others avoid similar situations when they become close to someone they just can't stand. Without a doubt the good the bad and the ugliness of friendship are two sides of the same coin, each carries its own special connotations. But if we can learn to look at each as a moment of insight instead of immediately associating one with the other, then we can develop our ability to appreciate each other and build on the foundation of a solid friendship.