I never had a serious relationship in my life. Whenever I get involved with a person I have a weird thought in my head that says: What if you go out with your friends and meet a super nice guy? What if you feel an electrifying attraction for him? Are you just going to let him go because you are not allowed to be with someone else?
I don’t mean in the sex terms. Sometimes in your life, you get to meet people that you feel an instantaneous syntony. It's like you and the person were made of the same chemistries, or vibrating at the same exact frequency. It doesn’t happen often, so when it happens I want to find myself available to any possibility. And I want the person I'm involved with to have the same possibilities as well. Everybody deserves the freedom to do whatever they would like to do in their lives.
So that’s why I never believed in monogamy. At least not in the way society imposes it. It’s hard for me to understand that in your life you are limited to love only one person. Love is bigger than that. It’s a marvelous, fascinating and mysterious feeling so how can we suppose that we have the control to restrict it?
I’m not trying to invalidate monogamic relationships. It's beautiful when two people find each other and decide to spend the rest of their lives together. But I don’t believe this is for everybody. And I don’t believe that restricting yourself to other possibilities is a real evidence that you love the person you’re married with, or dating with (especially when you are just dating). That's why I support open relationships. Engaging in it doesn't mean you don't love the person enough, like many people may think. But it shows that you love and trust them enough to give them the freedom to have other experiences with other people that might appear in their lives.
Open Relationship
An open relationship requires honesty, maturity, confidence and, most importantly, emotional control - after all, you will be willing to know that your partner is getting involved with other people. So needless to say that is not so simple to be maintained. So just like monogamy, it’s not for everybody.
It’s also important to remember that you are still in a relationship with someone, so the first rule on a true open relationship is respect. It’s not like you’re in a relationship in the day and single at night. Hold your horses! Also, trust is a crucial point as it is tested at all times. Consequently, it is more likely that you and your partner will be more honest with each other about different points in your relationship.
An Open Relationship is Not Just About Sex
For most people open relationship is only a green light to be able to sleep with other people once in awhile. And while that's one of the key factors, it's far from the only thing in an open relationship that matters. It also enables you and your partner to escape all the pressure of a monogamous relationship. Sometimes the feeling of being able to do what you want without feeling guilty may be all the freedom you need.
It's also not just about sex when you think that sex is not the only way you can cheat on someone. So it's not the only thing you are not allowed to do with the opposite sex when you are in a serious relationship.
Set The Rules
Although open relationship is not only about sex, it can be so if the couple decides that that's what the relationship needs. Like any relationship, the most important thing is dialogue. It is critical that you be clear about what the rules are. All relationships are different, and this includes open relationships. Some people like to talk about the person they got involved with, other couples prefer the policy of never mentioning it to each other, for example.
The important thing is that the open relationship allows you to have what you want and need to be expressed quite clear and it helps you understand your partner's needs as well. Some people believe that it can harm the relationship but in my opinion, an open relationship can make the bonds of trust, respect, friendship and love even stronger.
As I said, I don't believe this is the best option for everybody, as monogamy isn't as well. But whatever you believe it's better for you, embrace it! And never be afraid or judgemental about other possibilities! It's always good to see things from other perspectives.
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Nice, thanks for share
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Quite a complex issue this one! I've been thinking about 'all things love' for many many years, and I'm trying to boil it down now to just one point in this comment.
I guess that one point would be this: I worry people take advantage of each other, while pretending to have good intentions. Feminism, for example, talks about the many ways in which men degrade women in their minds. From the woman's perspective, all may be well. But if she could see inside the man's head, all would not be well!
As a man, I grew up with men, and know how they talk about women they slept with behind their back, and how they think of them. If I was in a relationship with a woman, I'd worry she's not able - not "smart" enough? lacking the experience or someone who grew up with men, obviously? - to tell the good guy from the bad. You talk here of 'special connections' and such, but let's be honest: in most cases the more attractive people (the ones who tend to be assholes precisely because everything was handed to them on a silver platter) will get the most booty.
I don't now how to express this exactly. I know most men will just be having sex for the experience, like "I want to know what a redhead fucks like, what a Hispanic girl is like in bed, how a black girls likes to take it" etc.
This sounds extreme, but I'm just trying to illustrate my main worry: people take advantage of each other. When a person is with another for a long time, they will naturally start caring for each other like they do for themselves. When it's something casual, there's no investment, it's easier to put on a nice face and just sleep with someone. Psychopaths are pretty good at this. I'm sure lots of women would find Hitler very attractive and eloquent.
Most men, when a woman approaches them who's with someone, will naturally be guarded. If she tells them "oh it's fine, my boyfriend doesn't mind", they will naturally think to themselves something along the lines of "I can't believe my fucking luck" and "I can't believe how stupid she/he/they are".
I'm fine with people doing it who give the same as they receive. But I worry most people will only be benefiting while putting on a nice face. And I don't think most people really accept what goes on in these relationships. One example is the one you gave about couples who 'prefer not to know'. Why?! It's clear they're not really okay with that. I often wonder why for example polygamists don't just get together and live out their dream world. Well, it was tried, by the flower children, and failed. I think if you put polygamists in the same place they'll eventually just slaughter each other. I worry most of these kinds of things are just people lying to themselves, and to others. But I also worry the same is true for monogamy!
This feels like a rant!
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True love does not require expression in beautiful words or voice or acts. You just look into eyes of other person and it gets reflected
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Marriage is a covenant, a contract with specific terms and it must be socially accepted. It was created to build families, which then build societies. There are polygamist cultures where man can have many wifes (extreme patriarchal) and others where women can have many husbands (extreme matriarchal). And you know a huge part of the world is monogamist because of Christianity. That is how different societies are built, because they need a set of rules in order to thrive.
Then you mention "Love". What is love in the first place? There is also a social definition for it and every person has its own special way to feel loved in unique ways. Because every person is a different universe, yet every culture has an strong influence in peoples minds.
Under previous terms. I can't find how an "Open Relationship" could be sustainable. How could you build a family in your society with such an incompatible contract? You can't call it a marriage actually, otherwise you and your family will get lots of rejection (unless you live in a bubble). Rejection is terrible, it creates conflicts and destroys other relationships around you.
Is that the right way to demonstrate love? There are better ways I think!
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The difference between Poligamy or Monogamy and Open Relationship, is that the last one is not something established by the society, culture or system. It's a personal choice. If I find someone who I develop a strong connection with and compatibility and both of us decide that we would like to keep our independency while still having some commitment with each other, what the society has to do with that? I'm glad I can make my own choices without being influenced by what people expect.
As I keep repeating, open relationship is a personal choice. It's not for everybody. But everybody who decides to engage in that has the right to do so. If you think it doesn't work, that you'll be jealous, feel rejected, or feeling you'll go around hooking up with anyone, don't engage in one. It's clearly not for you. Simply like that!
Is that the right way to demonstrate love? There are better ways I think!
All forms of love is valid, whether setting the person free or restricting him or her for you... Whatever your hearts want to go... ;)
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It is not a personal decision if you have a relationship, because it requires all people into that "Open" relationship to agree on the terms.
The only actual "benefit" I see from such an "Open" relationship is to have sex more frequently, at the cost of having to make time for your lovers. You could use that time with your main partner... but hey! Your partner can also engage with others... and if for some reason one /"Open" relationship ends, you always have another partner available. Pretty interesting...
Why are you into a relationship if you prefer to spend your time having intimacy with others?
You say society should not care about your personal decisions. Maybe you should meditate and think on the odd cases, what are the risks and what problems will your behavior generate? Can you at least try to think about for a second?
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Try out some love paragraphs for her - https://talkality.com/love-paragraphs-for-her
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You're right about open relationships not just being about sex. I tried the open relationship thing and rather than being open to love I was looking for any wet hole to dive into. Needless to say, it didn't work out.
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