Dont get caught up thinking about fairness. The more you try to make the world fair, the worse it will be. In this piece, I'm going to discuss the fallacy of 'fairness', and explain why it can have terrible consequences. It's easy to fall into the trap of expecting everything to be fair, and then adjusting our behavior to match. I'll give you two examples of how this mentality can ruin your life.
One way to reduce your child's complaints about unfairness is to teach them to tolerate frustration. This is not as difficult as it sounds. Children quickly learn to tolerate frustrating situations and to let them go. They also learn to tolerate frustration, and this will improve their ability to deal with them in the long run. Don't get caught up thinking about fairness! Here's how to do it: After you've taught your child to tolerate feelings of frustration, you can then introduce your three-step approach to dealing with complaints about unfairness.
You can also use this response to help your child understand that fairness doesn't always mean equal. When you hear "but it's not fair" in your child's voice, acknowledge his frustration and explain that fair doesn't necessarily mean equal. You can help your child understand that 'fair' doesn't mean 'equal.' It also helps if you can model the behavior you want.
A third step is to plan a short response. Your child will appreciate you acknowledging his/her frustration and letting them know that the situation is not always fair. Moreover, your child will be more willing to deal with difficult situations if he or she has learned to tolerate frustration and pain. And it's crucial to let your child know that fair doesn't always mean equal! This will allow them to get over the feelings of unfairness and be able to move on.
If you've heard the phrase "but it's not fair!" before, you've probably been frustrated, too. You're probably running low on patience, so engaging in a discussion about fairness with your child is the last thing you want to do. Your child is feeling distressed, and he or she is focused on trying to argue that it's not fair to do something that was unfair.
You're not in a position to argue about fairness. You'll just be frustrated, and your child will only focus on arguing his or her position. If the situation is unfair, he or she will become defensive. This may even lead to a confrontation between the two of you. You're both not doing your child any favors by engaging in the argument. But, if the situation is just fine, then you've done a great job.
