Noticing and praising your child's efforts is crucial to their development. However, when you praise your child for natural talent, you can actually reinforce a fixed mindset. Natural talent is valued and therefore children hear messages that putting effort into improving will diminish their specialness. Such messages discourage your child from putting forth effort and can actually stifle their talent. So, how can you praise your child for their efforts?
Observe your child's actions
Observe and praise your child's effort is an important way to promote positive self-image in children. Praise them whenever they do something that you think they're proud of, whether it's writing, playing an instrument, or studying. Try not to overdo it, as children often pick up on what you think is admirable and will copy it. As a parent, you must remember that praise is not the same as criticism.
Observe your child's efforts and give specific praise when appropriate. Children sense sincerity when it comes from adults, so make sure you are genuine when praising them. Praise them for achieving a goal, but don't boast. While bragging is fun, it also creates a sense of pressure on your child to achieve more. Instead, try to praise specific parts of their effort, such as showing appreciation for the child's creativity.
Describe the action you saw
Praising children for their actions is not enough if they're only good at the action they perform. Instead of praising the child for the action, describe how they did it and praise their efforts. In a way that's factually correct and sincere, it sends a strong message. You can describe a specific act or skill your child performed without labeling it, such as pointing out a particular detail or quality.
If you can't remember an exact action, try describing the action with your five senses. This way, your child will remember that the action was something they did on purpose and that it was not just a result of a particular situation. When a child is praised for this, he or she will remember it more clearly. This approach will help your child become more self-confident and brave.
Praise the process not the outcome
Generic praise focuses on the process rather than the result of your child's efforts. Some studies suggest that too much generic praise deflates children's motivation and makes them praise junkies. Critics also argue that it leaves kids confused and offers little feedback on how to replicate the results. A good example of this type of praise is when a child tries to improve his or her running speed.
In addition to praising the process, parents should also be mindful of their expectations of their children. For example, children who feel their expectations are too high may not put in as much effort as needed to achieve those standards. If the child is feeling the pressure to do well, he or she may not even try. By praising the process rather than the end result of a child's efforts, parents can help boost their child's self-esteem and motivation.
Avoid mixing praise with put downs
When noticing and praising your child'd efforts, you must remember that kids are inherently curious and want to please you. Praise them when they do something well, but be careful not to mix it with put downs, since this will only lead to negative self-images in children. Positive reinforcement is key. If your child is following the rules, allowing themselves to entertain themselves, or even being polite, praise them for these good behaviors.
When noticing and praising your child' s efforts, use words that describe what they did well, not what they didn't do. Praise works best when you describe the behavior you want, and it should be given at any age. If you are not sure what to say, try describing what you wanted. Praise will be more effective when you focus on the child's self-determined reasons for performing a particular action, like going to the park or getting ready for school.
