If we think about it, we know how to conform to the culture - though mustering the courage or willingness to do it is another matter.

I was talking to a long-time friend of mine last night. He's always been a little anxious socially, but not such that he was paralyzed by it. Today, his headshrinker has him on a constant rotation of medications for this very natural phenomenon. Is it helping? No, of course not. He walks around like a goddam zombie, and still feels uncomfortable in social situations. Does he stop taking the meds? No. He's the perfect example of what the Milgram Experiment sought to explore - blind obedience to a perceived authority.

The causal factor of his anxiety is a disconnect between his personality and cultural expectations. He doesn't understand that it's a game; he believes the incongruity indicates a very real inadequacy within himself. He lacks faith in his own ability. He's afraid that he will try and fail. He cannot muster the courage to conform.

For those who do understand the game - if we are awake to its fallacious nature - the problem is quite different, though the outward results are similar. We become frustrated with the bullshit nature of the game, and rebel. We cannot muster the willingness to conform.

In either case, it's not the misfit who is wrong - it's the culture. But - as is so often the case - the culture has the strength of majority compliance on its side, and the power to push aside dissenters. It's the age-old dilemma of picking your battles. In cases where morality and truth is not at stake, we would be well-served to conform to the full extent of our honest willingness, and no further.

I tend to go a little further than my willingness at times, due to my core programming/upbringing. The sting of perceived censure via non-compliance sometimes outweighs the discomfort of failing to make authentic choices. If I wanted a tattoo on my face to make myself look like a lizard, for example (which I do not), I would likely refrain due to this uncomfortable expectation of disapproval. This I consider to be a failure.